The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce (Paperback)

by Richard Gardner (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
A child psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and veteran counselor of divorced families, Dr. Gardner offers warm reassurance and honest answers to questions frequently asked by children of divorced parents.

From the Publisher
Should Your Parents Be Married Even If They're Unhappy With Each Other?

If your parents fuss at you does it mean they don't love you? How can you tell if your father loves you, if he lives in another city? Are you "bad" when you get angry with your mother or father? Why is it a mistake to talk to one parent about another? Do you blame yourself for your parents' divorce?

This warm and honest book provides reassuring answers to these and many more crucial questions children ask about divorce.

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Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (April 1, 1985)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553276190
• ISBN-13: 978-0553276190
• Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 4.2 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #471,533 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Tells it like it is, June 24, 2002

By	B. Kritzberg (Rochester, NY USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book is fantastically un-PC; so much that it verges on shocking. Those who want some bland and reassuring pap for their nearest/dearest child of divorce should look elsewhere.

I know nothing of the author biographically, but I can tell he's seen a lot of unhappy children. He's seen them lied to by adults whose intentions spanned the gamut of good and bad, and seen that misdirection and ephemism hurt children more than directness ever could. In other words, Gardner respects children and understands their need for plain talk. This book advocates for them.

Parents may be offended. But divorces occur more often where fundamental tenets of healthy relationships aren't respected, and things we rarely talk about are done to kids as a matter of course. Kids get used as adult-companionship substitutes. Kids get used as weapons against the Ex, or meal tickets. Parents drift off after the divorce and never drift back again. Parents fawn and drool on birthdays or Christmas and fail to call the rest of the year. To Gardner, this suggests a parent who does not love their child. What does it suggest to you?

The current vogue is pad all this over and "be reassuring," but Gardner prefers to let them in on the truth -- believing truth is something even children can eventually come to terms with.

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Steps outlined to determine parental love is outrageous!, May 5, 1998

By A Customer

I purchased this book for my nine year old granddaughter to help her with any questions she might have about her parent's divorce. I was appalled when I picked the book up and read it. The chapter on how to tell if your father loves you was undescribable. How damaging this could be to a child who is already so bewildered and confused about their parents divorce to read if their father is consistently late to pick them up, it could mean he doesn't love them. Love and its reassuring and unconditional aspects are what helps children of all ages survive the emotional scarring of a divorce. I wanted to contact the author and the publisher and scream at them. I'm just glad that I read the book first before giving to my grandchild. They should be ashamed!!!!

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Disturbing, July 26, 2000

By A Customer

When I read the introduction, I had high hopes for this book. However, the book has some very disturbing parts. For instance, talking about where children will live when parents separate, Gardner brings up that some children end up in boarding school and foster homes. I was skeptical about that, but continued on. When he said that many foster homes are bad, I wondered if he considered what kinds of things he was telling these children. From my experience, children of divorce have enough fears and ghosts. They don't need an "expert" putting more fears into their heads.

I was also upset by the notion that he suggested that some parents don't love their children. While he may be correct, I don't feel that his planting the idea in their minds is going to make them feel any more comfortable with their parents divorcing.

I did not allow my child to read this. With all her raw emotions, I felt it would be abusive on my part to expose her to new, unnecessary fears.