Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Loving Hurts And You Don't Know Why (Paperback)

by Susan Forward (Author), Joan Torres (Author) "It''s the Rodgers and Hammerstein way to fall in love..." (more)
Key Phrases: misogynistic relationship, many misogynists, Where He Gains Control-Arenas, Love Women-Haters, Setting Limits With Your Partner (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal
Forward is a therapist, author, and talk-show host whose specialty is abusive relationships. This book grew out of her realization that her own marriage as well as those of many of her clients followed a pattern. Many men need to control their relationships completely and consequently are mentally (if not physically) abusive. They denigrate their partners, resent them if they have any outside interests, and become furious for trivial reasons. Women with low self-esteem are drawn to these men because they can also be charming and devoted. Forward devotes the first half of the book to an analysis of the problem, the second half to breaking the pattern and getting outside help. No bibliography, but competent and interesting, and sure to be popular. Recommended for public libraries. Margaret B. Allen, M.L.S., West Lebanon,
Copyright 1986 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review
"Very important and much needed...This how-to book  could be a lifesaver." -- Abigail Van Buren,  "Dear Abby"

"A must  read for any woman who has ever been in a  destructive relationship." -- Sonya Friedman,  Ph.D., author of Smart Cookies Don't  Crumble -- Review

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (May 1, 1987)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553280376
• ISBN-13: 978-0553280371
• Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 4.2 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (59 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #287,362 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

141 of 143 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book Saved my Sanity!, January 30, 2000

By A Customer

Finally, a book that described my relationship perfectly. So many other books address men who are physically abusive, but what about those who slowly wear you down with manipulation and subtle verbal insults - men who have great jobs, men who everyone (outside the home) think are fabulous, men who are great friends to others and great workers. I live with someone who everyone else adores, but at home he turns into Mr. Hyde. He then blames me for his change in behavior. I thought I was alone (and it was indeed my fault) until I found this book. What a difference it has made in my life. I now know, without a doubt, that his behavior is not my fault. Susan's account of how men end up resenting women is right on for this relationship. And how they redirect their childhood experiences toward their intimate partners instead of where it should be directed. One writer says she thinks these relationships can be saved. The ONLY way they can be saved is for the men to realize how they got this way and be willing to do a huge amount of work to change their behaviors towards their intimate partners. If a man cannot do this, then the relationship cannot be saved. Why waste years of your life hoping a man will change. Susan says they don't don't suffer like the women they are with and I think that is true. For the first time in my life, I developed anxiety, depression, and significant weight gain from trying to "make him see the light". I now realize that it is not worth my health to try to get a man who has deep resentment towards women to change. I hope every woman in this situation realizes that, if you talk to the man about this and he does nothing consistently to change (counseling) than you are better off leaving and resuming a normal life where you can be truly happy. If you meet someone who seems too good to be true, check him out. Does he have broken relationships & marriages? How is his relationship with his mother? If you feel uneasy about him or he starts to put you down little by little or blames you for his behaviors at home - get Susan's book, then run for your life!

55 of 58 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars May have saved my life, April 2, 2002

By	Jill Barrett (Independence, VA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why (Paperback)

This book gave me the clarity and strength to stay out of a horrifically abusive marriage. Had I not read this, and also "Christian Men Who Hate Women," I might have gone back to my misogynistic husband. It hit me like a bolt of lightning between the eyes--finally I saw that I was never the problem, and that "forgiving" him one more time and "trusting God" and crawling back would solve nothing! In my case, the abuse and misogyny were hidden behind a facade of religiosity which was nothing but a cover for my husband's lunacy. He made me feel guilty for not being a "submissive wife" and pulled the Bible on me a lot (like other men might pull a gun on their wives and with as much malice), but this book made me see that there was no difference between my husband and rank heathen who rip their wives apart with barrages of four-letter words. His heart and intent was the same, and the results were the same--the wholesale evisceration of myself as an individual soul, personality, and essence.

I can't thank Susan Forward enough for explaining to me, in a way that I could understand, how my husband could be so wonderful one hour and so vicious the next, and that even though he claimed that he would be wonderful all the time if I would just change and be what he wanted, that was a load of crock.

I now know that my husband had every one of the warning signs that he was about to cross over into physical violence--signs such as irrational jealousy of other men and "locking me down" to prevent me from going anywhere, and that I got out in the nick of time to save myself and my children. This book whetted my appetite for more books on domestic violence which shed even more life on my hellish marriage and my need for a divorce.

Highly recommended

53 of 57 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Repentant Misogynist Perspective, February 3, 2002

By	James Inman (Kansas City, MO USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I forced myself to read this book after a woman I was in love with dumped me miserably. She cleverly placed it in a paper sack with some of my things she dropped off in a neutral location as a way of saying, "You're such a jerk. This is how I feel. Maybe you should read this." I'll have to admit I don't generally read books like this but I felt challenged. I thought I'd read the book and tell her how stupid the whole thing was. The first point Dr. Susan Forward makes is how misogynists are frightened of abandonment. I thought to myself, "Hey! That's me. I don't care how crazy the relationship gets. I just hate it when they leave. Could I be a misogynist?" I read this book over the next few days and made notes and underlined parts that seemed to make sense. I tried to look at it from a woman's perspective. I stepped outside my own world and tried to open my mind to the possibility that I had made these mistakes in past relationships. I made a conscious effort to think about the things I've said and how it may have been emotional violence. I started to become convinced I was a misogynist and all the women I treated like dirt in the past really did love me but just couldn't take it anymore. This book is filled with options for women and how to stop the cycle of abuse. There are chapters on what a misogynist's parents were like... what kind of therapist a woman should look for... how to react to the misogynist's attacks and why you should never apologize. The rest of the book is about why women should leave, when to leave, how to leave and what to expect after they leave. Near the end of the book the author says a real misogynist can never be cured and he will always be like this so I felt there was nothing I could do. I was left with the sense that I would just have a long string of volatile relationships with loving women who abandon me and there was no way this would change. I really feel she could have included some kind of hope for the men who hate women. I have no idea how to rate this book. If I give it one star then I'll be doomed as a misogynist forever. If I say it's worth five stars I would be lying to you and myself. Ironically this is exactly how I feel when I talk to women. I never know what to say and when I do open my mouth it's always taken out of context. So I guess I'll direct my final thoughts to the men. Read this book to find out how women think before you're abandoned and lost like a pathetic clown.