Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child (Hardcover)

by Maurice J. Elias (Author), Steven E. Tobias (Author), Brian S. Friedlander (Author)
Key Phrases: intelligent parenting, emotional intelligence principles, anticipate pitfalls, Trouble Tracker, Feelings Fingerprints, Daniel Goleman (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
If you think it's a difficult time to be a parent, consider how challenging it is to be a child in today's world. Recent studies show that children are more impulsive, disobedient, lonely, sad, irritable, and violent than ever before. The authors of Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child assert that what's needed now is an approach called emotionally intelligent parenting. An emotionally intelligent parent, according to the authors, follows the Twenty-Four Karat Golden Rule: "Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children." Maurice J. Elias, Steven E. Tobias, and Brian S. Friedlander pick up where Daniel Goleman's bestselling Emotional Intelligence leaves off, translating Goleman's basic principals into specific parenting tactics for solving daily family issues. The book includes exercises for raising the family "humor quotient," becoming aware of feelings, praising and prioritizing, and coaching your child in responsible action. Emotionally Intelligent Parenting is easy to follow, and provides suggestions for parents at all levels of commitment to the concept. Parents may choose to try some or all of the exercises, or may simply find it an interesting and informative read. The "Sound 'EQ' Parenting Bites to Help with Common Family Issues" closing the book are especially sensible, profoundly compassionate, and effective. --Ericka Lutz

From Publishers Weekly
The authors of this overbearing book?based on the bestselling Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman?urge parents: "Do unto your children as you would have other people do unto your children." Meaning, try to see things from the child's perspective; stop nagging, threatening and yelling to get your point across; foster positive, and discourage negative, behaviors. Although the authors, all psychologists and themselves parents, claim they are providing parents with a new way of relating to their children that's "not a fad or a gimmick or a technique," the suggestions they offer seem unnecessarily complex. If two siblings are fighting, they are sent to "chill out," the authors' variation on the endlessly described time out. The children are then required to "keep calm" (a deep-breathing exercise), fill out a Trouble Tracker Report and practice their BEST behaviors (Body posture, Eye contact, Speech, Tone of voice). In the midst of these multistep exercises, there are some good ideas, but Goleman's emotional intelligence principles seem less than pioneering in this context because most parents' guides, from Spock onward, have traveled this terrain before and offer much more practical parenting advice.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Harmony; 1st edition (December 29, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609602977
• ISBN-13: 978-0609602973
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,236,443 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Caring and calm while rasinging your child, January 18, 2006

By	coolslaw (Wisconsin) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child (Paperback)

When you are sad would you prefer someone to tell you to "get over it" or a hug? When feeling shy would you prefer someone to give you a shove and say "just do it already" or words of encouragment?? Children are people with feelings and this book is a great way to help parents and children recognise and express their feelings. This is a great book if you want to bring your family closer together or if oyur family was close but as your child grows it seems to be sliping away. This book has a lot of ideas but isn't a step by step 'do exactly what we say' guide but more an outline with ideas thrown in, and room to breath and make your own parenting choices.

A reader will keep in mind this book is generally geared for parents with OLDER kids. Though there is a few good ideas for toddlers it is mostly geared for children 7 and up, they also cover (on every subject) ideas to deal with children who are difficult or will not comply.

The best part of the book was that it contantly reminds parents of the childs view point, which to many parents forget!
This book covers many different areas, starting out with self control for the parent. The books focuses through out on ways for parents to control their temper and not yell at their children!! (unless its an absolute emergency)

It goes into the usefullness of humor in a situation and helps parents relax and bring a little bit of fun and joy into the family.

Then it goes into ideas on how to improve communtication in a family, bring everyone together, let everyones opinion be heard, and get children to help out around the house without constant nagging. I especially liked the idea of a family journal!!!
Then it goes into different techniques and ideas to help a child make dicissions and learn from consequences (in safe situations), ideas a child can follow to help themselves calm down, and then travels into a "last resort" technique which they call "chill out".

Its known by many (but obviously not all) that time out was designed to give a child a way to CALM THEMSELVES DOWN, NOT AS PUNISHMENT!!! Studies have proven time outs just don't work for children because they are implemented WRONG. This book goes back to the understanding that you aren't trying to punish your child but remove them from a situation until they can control themselves. They re-word it as "chill out" instead of time out because time out has become so twisted by parents today, using it as a threat for every bad behavior.

It also has sections to help children set goals, get through their homework and the best ways to have a talk with your child.

I have seen the main review full of complaints
I feel REALLY sorry that this review is the main review as she sounds like that parent who doesn't have a close family. She sounds like someone who needs to LIGHTEN UP, and LOVE. Its amazing how parents can twist something around just because they disagree with what it is saying so I am going to comment a bit more on her badley done review as it doesn't accuratly state what this books does, as she rewords it and leaves out parts.
1: yes this book covers diciple-which means TO TEACH, it doesn't cover punishment however which is why its so wonderful.
2:touchy feely stuff can be wonderful- I love to hug my kids, I love to know how they are feeling, I love to go on family outings or sit around as a family and play games, thats part of what a family is about!
3: the book does not recommend restraining a PRESCHOOLER. It states that time out is best when used for children 5-12 years of age, and that sometimes children who will not stay in time out need to be placed back in time out until they stay OR GENTLY held there until they do. It does recommend that for unacceptable behavior, to put a child in "chill out" with only one warning however, this book is geared for older children. I feel REALLY sorry for any parent who lets their 8 year old child have more then one warning for hitting someone, or who has to repeat something to a 9 year old 6 or 7 times.
4: "there are 9 pages dedicated to jokes." There is a chapter dedicated to HUMOR and how important it is in a family. It does have some pages full of jokes, while they may not have been NEEDED they were fun, and a great way to remind parents how important humor can be.

This passing xmas my 3 year old son recieved a cute little snowman full of liquid bath soap. He grabbed it and squeezed it and it popped, squirting out all over the carpet. Inside I was screaming "AHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING" but immedietly my mom burst out laughing. I just couldn't help but laughing too. It was pretty funny and it gave me a second to calm down and realize it was an accident and how easy soap is to clean up out of the carpet (in fact it probably cleaned my carpet.)
and finally
5: "psychobabble where plain English would have sufficed" as for that I simply say perhaps your next book you purchase on amazon should be a dictionary or "How English Works"

The only thing I would say about this book is that the forward is boring. For familys who want to be close together, for parents who want to teach their child how to behave without threats or yelling this book is for you. For parents who sit on the floor and play with their kid, or ask them how their day at school was (and are REALLY interested in knowing) then this book is for you.

If your a parent who understands that children have feelings and opinions, If you can think for yourself and want children who can to pick this book up, it is a good read!

84 of 113 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Some good info, but overall, yuck!, July 23, 1999

By	"wendysc" (Santa Cruz, CA United States) - See all my reviews

Any book that recommends restraining a preschooler to keep him in time out and removing privileges for a school-age child (privileges such as going outside -- hmm, my parents called that grounding) needs help. This book claims to teach emotionally intelligent parenting but it's a mess: old-fashioned parentally-imposed discipline mixed with some touchy-feely stuff. For example, "If a child does not comply with a command, repeat the command once with a warning, then place her in Chill Out if she does not comply." (pg.103) So where does the self-discipline part come in?

The book is also fluffy -- nine pages dedicated to specific jokes is overkill in a parenting book. If I wanted to read jokes, I'd get 'em on the Internet. And it was filled with psychobabble where plain English would have sufficed -- phrases as "material reinforcer" (also known as a reward) and "developmental adaptation" (changing as you grow.)

I was deeply disappointed in this book and regret the money I wasted by purchasing it. For parents seeking more useful advice, look for "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso.

14 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Different from many "how to" manuals, March 26, 1999

By	[e-mail] (Huntington, NY) - See all my reviews

The authors make a compelling and cogent argument for the use of humor and understanding in parent/child interactions. Illustrated with useful dialogues, the concepts presented are easy to visualize and implement.

I am usually loathe to read this genre. The instant quantification of an entire field into a few pages generally does not appeal. In this book, no pretense is made. The subject matter is well circumscribed and is covered thoroughly. I highly recommend this book to any parent seeking a more effective means of communication with his child.