If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion (Hardcover)

by Susan Page (Author) "Spiritual Partnership is a radically different approach to relationships..." (more)
Key Phrases: life agenda items, spiritual partnership, demanding comments, Spiritual Partnership, Sacred Act, Old Model (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
Instead of working on solving problems in your relationship, minister/relationship coach Susan Page teaches “Spiritual Partnership,” allowing you to outgrow these problems. Focus on behaving in a spiritual way yourself, rather than fixing your relationship or your partner, and you and your partner will be happier and your relationship will be stronger.

Communication and negotiation don't solve conflicts in love relationships, Page asserts. Rather, make an inner shift yourself--independent of your partner--and learn to "love openly and freely." Her process involves "the Five Sacred Acts of Love":

1. Practice Restraint: refrain from negative, critical, and demanding comments.

2. Act As If: act loving, even if you don't feel like it.

3. Act on Your Own: take care of your own needs.

4. Practice Acceptance: stop trying to change your partner.

5. Cultivate Compassion: understand that your partner's attitudes and behavior are the way they are for good reasons.

The book offers compelling arguments for abandoning the "marketplace" communication style in favor of goodwill, self-care, and a spiritual, harmonious, loving response to your partner. Page takes you step by step through the Spiritual Partnership process, interspersing it with anecdotes and exercises.

"Marriage and loving partnerships are ... for learning how to give and receive love. That's all," writes Page. If We're So in Love, Why Aren't We Happy is highly recommended for anyone who wants to improve a love relationship--from the inside out. --Joan Price

From Library Journal
Page, a Protestant minister and popular teacher who is also the best-selling author of such books as If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?, here takes a spiritual approach to relationship problems. Page explains that through five sacred actions, couples may work on their relationship singly or together and come to a more accepting place. These actions include practicing restraint, acting as if, acting on your own, practicing acceptance, and cultivating compassion. While traditional marriage therapy focuses on negotiation, communication, and finding the "right" answer, Page focuses on compassion, surrender, and lots of goodwill (which is better than being right). Each chapter contains personal case studies and ends with a set of exercises that Page calls experiments. This easy-to-read title compares favorably with other relationship books offering a spiritual slant, e.g., Michele Weiner-Davis's Divorce Remedy (S. & S., 2001) and Gary Smalley's The Language of Love (Pocket, 1995. rev. ed.). Purchase where necessary. Lisa Wise, Broome Cty. P.L., Binghamton, NY
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Harmony; 1st edition (February 19, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609606964
• ISBN-13: 978-0609606964
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #832,456 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Why isn't it more known?, June 27, 2002

By A Customer

Excellent, excellent book. I have read many books on relationships, and most stress the importance of communication, but in my experience there is such a thing as communicating too much. Sometimes the mind itself creates problems, and talking about those problems only strengthen them and make them more real when often times the "problem" is based on a faulty way of perceiving situations. This book approaches relationships in a way that is unlike that of most therapists, counselors and authors, but I feel it is the most spiritual approach. The author does not at all devalue communicating and talking, but rather than focusing exclusively on what you should say to your partner and how, she urges you to focus on YOURSELF and suggests non-mainstream ways of handling situations that have everything to do with you and not so much to do with your partner. She stresses actions over words, and points out that if just you and you alone change your actions, reactions, behavior and thougths about your relationship, your partner will respond even if they aren't aware that they are responding-it's the nature of energy, of relationships. In other words you can create very positive change even if you're partner doesn't agree to change beforehand. She also doesn't deny that sometimes it is best to move on, yet points out that often we want to leave a relationship because we don't want to face ourselves. Furthermore, you can use her ideas and suggestions and apply them not only to your love relationship but to all aspects of your life: your relationship with work, money, etc. I would like to think that soon her philosophy will catch on and become mainstream, but I wonder if too many people aren't ready for it yet, as it goes against the grain of much of traditional counseling. I really think she's onto something, as when I was reading the book, what she said felt right in a deep place-a place I can't always access, but a place that is what I strive for, that is already there. At the beginning I was so anxious to skip ahead, since she kept talking about the principles of spiritual partnership without explaining them in depth first, but for anyone who does skip ahead, I would suggest going back to the beginning and not missing any of the book, as every part of it will help you on your way if you decide to follow her advice.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a precious gift disguised as a book, February 27, 2003

By A Customer

If you are seeking to feel love in your heart but feel blocked because your partner is clueless, uncooperative, self-centered and blames you -- or for any reason "because of him/her" and you suffer because it feels like no matter how hard you try, the patch doesn't hold -- this is the book that teaches, guides and encourages you how to get back to the love, how to create powerful and healing changes, how to feel safe and connected with yourself, how to look at your partner again with loving and how to work with yourself in your own healing and strengthening. And, your partner is not required to read the book, work the suggestions or be molded by you. You reclaim your power and your energy investing in what can truly make a deeply valuable, loving, rich and life-changing difference--you work with you. I've been working these techniques for over 20 years, in marriage, and have been learning about and thriving far beyond I ever thought possible. It didn't take long for small miracles to begin AND they continue to unfold and to grow for both of us. Susan Page has offered a truly generous gift with this book for all people--currently coupled or not.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my life - I really mean it!, June 14, 2002

By	Lisa M. Fusco "Cookie" (Hopewell Jct., New York United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I'm the kind of person who reads a lot of relationship books - but THIS is the one that changed my 1 1/2 yr marriage to the absolute best. I love rereading different parts that I've marked all the time. I highly recommend this book if you're basically "unsettled" (can't think of a better word) about your marriage - either really bad or just slightly. I've read books that more or less teach you how to communicate to get what you need & in nutshell - this book teaches you just to LOVE the person & how to do it - & that's how you get what you need in your relatonship. I swear to God - just like the book says in 1 part - that changes happened immediately! After reading the book a few days my husband 1 morning commented on how wonderful things have been lately & how he hoped they'd stay that way. We argued quite a bit up until 2 months ago when I got the book - & things would get cold between us & it made me so sad & depressed - Well - it doesn't happen anymore. I've stopped controlling & expecting certain outcomes in conversations or my husbands actions - I've learned to go with the flow!! & - my biggest thing is that I've learned to accept my husbands fishing ALL the time - I've learned it fills some sort of hole within him & that it has nothing to do with me. When he fishes - I do stuff instead of obsessing over how I married someone who has such an extreme time consuming hobby. He's turned down his friends invitations to go fishing because he wants to be with me he has said - since my attitude changed. He still fishes - but I just suddenly don't mind because of my new perspetive from this book. I could go on & on - this book must be a new idea going on (Surrendered Wife is along these line in some ways) I also think it follows Christian teahings more so than other relationship books because it doesn't focus on communication to get what you want (this book tells you communication is not what it's cracked up to be - & it's so true!!! Otherwise the best communicators would have the best marriages - & they don't necessarily) but to simply LOVE & ACCEPT your mate - but more than that - read it!