The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life (and the Eight Realities That Will Save You) (Paperback)

~ (Author) "Look, I know you think fantasies are fun, sexy, and cool, whether you dream of being Cinderella or Prince Charming, or that your love will..." (more)
Key Phrases: lottery fantasy, Tom Cruise, Empire State Building, Santa Claus

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"Fantasies are fun, sexy, and cool," admits popular radio psychologist Dr. Joy Browne, but they are "a distraction from the business of running our lives successfully and realistically." As a lifestyle choice, fantasies spell disaster, ruin, or at least misery. After collecting hundreds, Browne culled the nine ugliest fantasies, such as:

• "Functional families exist."
• "Stick to your guns."
• "Men and women are from different planets."
• "Somewhere I have a soul mate."

Browne explains the Big Nine, cajoles readers into choosing reality, and answers questions from callers in each chapter. She also includes "Shrink Wraps": additional related fantasies and entertaining tidbits such as "movies that prove my point" and "songs to memorize." After she has dashed our fantasies, she lifts us up with "the eight realities that will save you"--thank goodness!

Browne's warm, friendly, buoyant style leads into important issues safely. But if the gentle approach doesn't work, she nails points with comments like, "You write welcome on your forehead and then you're surprised when he steps on your face," and "It's normal to have pre-wedding cold feet, but don't warm them on the best man's back." If you enjoy Browne on the radio, you'll love this book. --Joan Price --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Publishers Weekly

Don't keep on thinking "There's No Place Like Home"; never assume "Men and Women Are from Different Planets." Do remember that "Selfishness Is Good; Meanness Is Not" and that "People Do Things for Reasons." These are only two of the dos and don'ts expounded by popular radio psychologist and self-described "reality junkie" Browne (Dating for Dummies) in this book of anti-romantic, practical advice about common life problems, cast largely as answers to readers' and listeners' questions. (Each chapter concludes with take-home advice in a bullet-point format Browne calls "shrink-wraps.") Browne draws on her clinical expertise, her talk-show experience and her store of common sense, advising us to look to our long-term, enlightened self-interest, and warning against short-term pleasures, pointless martyrdom, crash diets and self-destructive actings-on-impulse. Many readers will be happy to find out why and how "charity always feels terrific for the giver and uncomfortable and controlling for the receiver," why casting oneself as a victim won't make things better or how the idea of "falling in love... has been used to cover up the very real fears about intimacy, dependence and rejection that are inherent in learning to love someone." Author tour, including interview on 20/20.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; 1st Pbk. Ed edition (September 21, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609804731
• ISBN-13: 978-0609804735
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.2 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #320,699 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Practical, not preachy, March 14, 2002

By	N. L. Mendez "NLM" (SLZ, CA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The title caught my eye, so I decided to give this book a read. I am glad that I did. I saw a lot of myself in some of the "call-in's" questions. I thought that Dr. Browne's advice was useful and practical---in other words, good common sense. I really enjoyed the "Soulmate" part of the fantasy half, as well as the "Romance" part of the reality half. I have been fighting some emotional demons of my own lately, and reading these two sections really helped me see my situation from outside of myself. Is there stuff in this book that I've heard before? Yes, but what is nice is that it is written and can be referred to again and again. I also like Dr. Browne's flow in the book---funny, but to the point. It makes it very easy to read. I work and go to school part-time, plus I have a family. I found that I was able to read this book in less than a week at different intervals. I don't know if this is a book that will "turn your life around", but I know that, for me, it's a book that can be used as a good reference tool when I feel those old demons creeping up on me again.

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good suggestions for all aspects of your life., January 20, 2005

By	Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

Heard THE NINE FANTASIES THAT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE AND THE EIGHT REALITIES THAT WILL SAVE YOU, written and read by Dr. Joy Brown . . . she's a radio talk show, as well as a licensed clinical psychologist.

I have occasionally heard her on the radio and when I have, I've been impressed with her no-nonsense approach to giving advice . . . she rarely gives sympathy; rather, she gives useful suggestions that apply to marriage, personal relationships, career, finances, health,
and all other aspects of your life.

Here, she first presents the fantasies . . . among the ones that most caught my attention were the following:

There's no place like home.
We all assume that everybody else's family is terrific and ours is dysfunctional. Don't believe it for a minute.

Winning the lottery will free me. If money were the key to happiness, millionaires wouldn't have ulcers. They do and it's not.

Good always triumphs.
Life isn't fair. Get used to it. Do the best with what you've got. And no whining.

Dr. Brown then discusses the realities of life . . . these made the most sense to me:

Never tell someone something they already know. Compliment people sincerely and keep nasty thoughts to yourself.

We're responsible for our behavior; feelings just happen. Everybody has bad thoughts. It's bad behavior that separates the good guys from the bad guys.

Romance is the poison of the twentieth century. Unrealistic expectations mean never being satisfied with what you've got, and romance is the ultimate unrealistic expectation.

Reader letters, read and answered by the author, added to my enjoyment of these cassette tapes.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Clever and pithy, but personal reflections got on my nerves, September 20, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Nine Fantasies That Will Ruin Your Life (and the Eight Realities That Will Save You (Hardcover)

Dr. Browne's approach is creative and often pithy. But her personal reflections were tacky enough to get on my nerves. Was her ulterior motive in writing this, I asked myself, to enlighten readers or to aggrandize herself? She has tended to do this on her radio programs. First she describes a generic/typical scenario of ours, e.g. what do we do when we can't leave our disabled parent to get a job to pay for food, and she parlays this into a reminder of her recent invitation to preside over a global conference on hunger. A little creativity on my part to get the point across, but her condescending personal asides are downright tacky......