Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity (Paperback)

~ (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Divorce manuals usually focus on self-protection when it comes to either finances or emotional trauma, and end abruptly at the final legal decree. Allison, who remarried after leaving her first husband five years ago, after almost 30 years of marriage and motherhood, takes a different approach in her first book. A hypnotherapist, reiki master, ordained minister and workshop facilitator, Allison offers a unique blend of important practical information for every stage of marital breakup, support for long-term emotional upheaval, advice for dealing with lawyers, mediators, friends and family and the view that "marital bonds are never completely severed" (the relationship simply changes). Recognizing the long process as "not just the tremendous loss of another person; it is the loss of the dream you have believed since childhood," she details the possibility of proceeding with respect, compassion and love for everyone involved, including yourself, from the first inkling of a separation to the mixed memories that resurface even years later. Influenced by A Course in Miracles, 12-step programs, transcendental meditation and various religious principles, Allison supplies writing exercises and affirmations, allays fears with solid information and counsels anyone contemplating, undergoing or reflecting on divorce to forgive yourself and others and move forward with a loving, lighter heart. While her lament of "society's critical view of divorce" may seem dated, her positivist approach including "positive terminology and concepts that show continued health rather than demise" is fresh, offering a welcome antidote to perceptions of adversarial lawyers and hateful ex-spouses. Agents, Anne Edelstein and Laura Williams, Edelstein Literary Agency.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Allison has come up with a new perspective on divorce that differs from Karen Karbo's breezy Generation Ex: Tales from the Second Wives Club (LJ 3/1/01) and Wendy Swallow's somber Breaking Apart: Dreaming of Divorce (LJ 4/1/01). As one might expect from a divorced Californian process hypnotherapist and reiki master, Allison focuses heavily on ritual and affirmation as techniques to help reduce anxiety and anger while breaking the knot. For example, she recommends a "Ceremony of Blessing and Release," wherein the newly divorced couple come together in front of friends, family, and a minister or other officiant and thank each other for the marriage as it was. She also includes many written exercises to aid the reader's intuitive understanding of his or her situation come to the fore. Not everything in this book is laden with New Age dogma, however. Allison also includes discussions of the financial and legal implications of divorce and gives a rundown of the monetary and personal reasons to opt for a joint mediator over separate attorneys. Although some of her approaches may seem hokey, there's no doubt that the exercises will help many readers sort out their feelings. For all public libraries.
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; 1 edition (June 26, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609808087
• ISBN-13: 978-0609808085
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #580,431 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Useful advice presented in a calming style, January 27, 2002

By	Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

Read CONSCIOUS DIVORCE: ENDING MARRIAGE WITH
INTEGRITY by Susan Allison, a clinical hypnotherapist . . . what I found interesting about this book was that Allison had actually gone through divorce herself; in fact, she instituted the process in her marriage . . . furthermore, I appreciated her calming style

She shows you that divorce doesn't have to be adversarial, especially if both parties agree to work through the process (preferably with the help of a mediator) . . . .there's a lot of useful advice here, and it applies to couples in all different stages of a relationship--and even
to those not married . . . in addition, there are suggestions on such topics as communication, financial planning and self-care that apply to anybody, regardless of the state of his or her relationship.

There were several memorable passages; among them:
If, for instance, you wake up and say, "I don't want to get up;
it's going to be a lousy day; nothing will go right; I hate my life," then guess what? You will unconsciously create all this misery for yourself just by taking action based on your thoughts. Sometimes we think our minds and thoughts control us, that we have no choice, but this is simply not true. Your mind is a computer and you are the programmer; you can change the program anytime you want, to one that will work the best for you.

The first time I worked on my resentments and need to forgive,
I found it difficult. This was because the person had hurt me, and I refused to excuse what he had done. At this point in my life, it was my father I hated and blamed for my unhappiness. It took me several weeks in a course taught by Judy Wardell-Halliday to realize that the forgiveness was not for the other person. It was for me. You may remember the question from a previous chapter, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Here, this can be changed slightly to, "Do you want to be bitter, or do you want to forgive?" Forgiveness begins with a conscious choice: to cling to the ego's attachment to sin, blame, and guilt, or to replace the ego-voice with one of
love and forgiveness.

You're finished [with resentment against your ex-spouse]
when you write the words, "I resent you for . . . " and nothing
comes up. Write this phrase three times and if it is still
blank, you are probably finished . . . for now. Be assured
that more will come up from time to time, especially if
the two of you are still in contact. If not, this may or may
not be your final resentment list.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Help for Those Who are Hurting, October 2, 2001

By A Customer

This book, Conscious Divorce, is extremely helpful and positive, and after reading a section or chapter, I feel supported and not so alone. Not only is the content practical, such as advice about finances and the legal system, but there are spiritual rituals and supportive affirmations that make me feel better when I read them. Going through a divorce can feel devastating, and stressful. I like that this book focuses on ways to heal and move on! I'm tired of all the media focus on divorce as adversarial. It can be a time of introspection and transformation, a time to go in new directions, but still be able to forgive your partner, and treat each other with integrity. This is what Conscious Divorce advocates. Bravo.

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars How to mourn the end of a marriage -- and then move on, June 3, 2002

By	Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

Conscious Divorce: Ending A Marriage With Integrity by clinical hypnotherapist, ordained ministerial counselor, seminar leader, and divorce counselor Susan Allison is a practical, emotional, and spiritual book offering both advice and comfort to the divorced, with special emphasis on learning how to mourn the end of a marriage -- and then move on. Although some practical issues are addressed, the primary focus of Conscious Divorce is on the critical importance of maintaining close ties with loved ones, and on allowing one's heart and soul to heal. Conscious Divorce is a strongly recommended reading for survivors of the often bruising and demeaning divorce process.