If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever (Paperback)

by Susan Page (Author) "Wishful thinking has not brought you love..." (more)
Key Phrases: closeness game, involuntary singles, intimacy gap, Closeness Came, Mary Beth, Great Emotional Depression (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Former director of women's programs at UC Berkeley, Page now conducts singles workshops for both sexes. Men and women who want permanent partners will benefit from her "10 strategies that will change your love life forever," as set forth in this engaging guide. The advice is illustrated by case histories of Page's clients, whose progress toward emotional fulfillment is described in their own words. Also detailed are stories of failed relationships and their causes. Each chapter contains an experiment designed to teach readers why they may be losing at love by clinging to partners who won't commit themselves; rejecting or showing ambivalence to promising mates, etc. The primary lesson to be gleaned here is that choosing a mate for life means knowing yourself first and recognizing a person with similar standards; not settling for less. An appendix gives tips on running a singles support group. 50,000 first printing; $50,000 ad/promo; first serial to Cosmopolitan, Self and Glamour; Literary Guild and Doubleday Book Club alternates.
Copyright 1988 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review
Behold a wonder - a romantic self-help book that is intelligent, upbeat, practical, useful, winning, and even wise, by a feminist former director of women's programs at U.C. Berkeley and a leader of singles workshops. Page's program for those she calls "involuntary singles" is simple. She advises 1) that you discover whether you want to be single, and, if not, deal with whatever ambivalence you subconsciously feel about giving up freedom for love, taking time out from your career, etc.; 2) forget dire statistics and discouraging reports; 3) set yourself specific, businesslike tasks for meeting new people likely to please you; 4) keep your standards very high, and be ruthless in eliminating potential partners who don't meet them; 5) learn how to eliminate also-rans, including old lovers to whom you can't quite bring yourself (or can't bring them) to make a commitment; 6) stop being satisfied with "pseudo-intimacy," that contemporary singles' time-saving snake oil; 7) avoid "commitmentphobes," even when it means asking direct (and embarrassing) questions; 8) increase your self-esteem to avoid wanting to make someone inappropriate love you; 9) learn to say "yes" to Mr. or Ms. Right; 10) work on your flaws and foibles, not in order to earn love but so that you can root out behavior counterproductive to your vision of the shared good life. What all this boils down to is the power of positive thinking in a single-minded pursuit of love and intimacy; but what makes it helpful and at times inspiring is an acknowledgement that romance takes place (or doesn't) in a larger context that includes "a social preoccupation with money and business success" that competes, to some degree, with activities and qualities necessary for love, and a truly upbeat conviction that love is worth the fuss. A self-help book - with convincing case studies, useful exercises, guides, appendices - that doesn't condescend to its readers as walking examples of pathology. First-rate of its kind. (Kirkus Reviews) --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; Revised edition (March 26, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609809091
• ISBN-13: 978-0609809099
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #12,353 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #18 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Dating
  #20 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Mate Seeking
  #70 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Love & Romance

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

176 of 185 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Tired of crummy relationship books? Here's the cure., November 8, 1999

By	Duana C. Welch (Fullerton, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever (Mass Market Paperback)

I almost didn't pick up this book, due to its obnoxious title. What a misfortune that would have been for me. Recently divorced, I was confronted by a sea of tomes claiming that they could help me to find a lasting love. However, at the time, I was finishing a Ph.D. in psychology, and I could see that most of the popular books were actually filled with terrible advice--especially the advice to "settle" and accept that "you can't always have what you want" in love.

Today, I own a business in which I assist clients in finding and using research-based techniques to bring them a lifetime love, one they enthuse about and can't get enough of. Although I base much of my guidance of clients upon scientific research, it's also wonderful when I can locate that rare self-help book whose advice is worthwhile and is supported by the research. Many popular press books lead the reader astray, because they rely solely on the author's opinion...but my reading of the relevant research shows that Susan Page's book is truly on the mark and advises the use of techniques that will, when consistently applied, result in you, yes you, finding the love of your life!

I speak from personal experience, and not only from the dry, academic air of the library. Before beginning my business, I tested Page's ideas and recommendations in my own life. Today, and in no small part due to her book, I am married to the love of my life, a "catch" by anyone's standards, who adores me with all his heart. He, too, refused to "settle," so we were available when we met. Almost every day, one or the other of us remarks that we must truly be the world's luckiest couple. However, it's a "luck" that really has more to do with persistence and patience, just as Page writes.

Sure, using Page's techniques took a bit of effort--all learning does--but the reward has been the most fulfilling adventure that my husband and I have ever encountered.

May each person reading this message find his or her own true love. I cannot encourage you strongly enough to let Susan Page's expert advice be part of your process in attaining that.

59 of 59 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A break-through book, July 20, 1998

By	[e-mail] (Long Beach, California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever (Mass Market Paperback)

Despite a title that makes you want to cover the book in brown paper, I found this book to be one of the most insightful on the subject. It helped me clarify what I'm looking for in a mate and has helped me avoid "Better-Than-Nothing" relationships. I highly recommend it for the recently divorced, as it will help them understand why they married as they did. The subject of hidden ambivalence was the most insightful. Now that I've resolved my own ambivalence, I can usually identify it in others. I especially found the straightforward and pragmatic approach to dating to be results-producing. If every single person read this book, we'd have more well-suited marriages!

65 of 66 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful Reading if You Don't Want to Stay Single..., September 17, 2004

By	Kathryn Lord "Your Romance Coach" (Tallahassee, FL United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I've always read lots of books about singles and how to find a mate, and that rate has sped up since I'm now a Romance Coach. But somehow I had missed Susan Page's "If I'm So Wonderful, Why am I Still Single?" even though it has been out since 1998, the last year I was single myself. Where have I been, and why hadn't I seen this book?

Susan Page writes for "involuntary singles" -- straight, gay, male or female, each and every one of us who is single and wishes we weren't. Relentlessly positive, she starts off right to the point with "So why are you still single anyway?" And then, just when we've gotten over that shock, she states flatly:"Whatever your reasons are for being single, if you want to be in a relationship, no reason is good enough." Then Page goes about tearing apart every good reason we've ever come up with to keep ourselves single.

Here's what Page takes on and turns around: Ambivalence (my favorite), those "Dreadful Statistics," the myth of "There are no good ways to meet people," and having and keeping high standards. Then she works on developing skills in what she calls "Frog kissing": Learning to say no, how to recognize true intimacy, avoiding "commitmentphobes," handling the intimacy gap, and learning to say "yes." And in the last section, "Keeping It All Together While You Look," Page tells you just how to do all that.

This is easily the best, most thorough, rounded and positive book about relationships and dating I have seen. If you are one of Page's "involuntary singles," this book needs to be in your library. Five chocolate dipped strawberries for Susan Page! This is quite a book.