Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship (Paperback)

by M. Gary Neuman (Author) "All of us know that adultery-sex outside the marriage-is one of the gravest blows to a marriage as well as a painful rejection for one..." (more)
Key Phrases: Andrea Ways, Marcus Ways, Want Andrea (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
You don't have to have sex to cheat on your marriage, counsels M. Gary Neuman in his practical and provocative book, Emotional Infidelity. Neuman, a therapist, family mediator, and rabbi, suggests that when you invest your emotional energy in opposite-sex coworkers or friends--instead of focusing on your spouse--you are unfaithful to your marriage. With clear case examples, scenes from his own marriage, quizzes, and exercises, Neuman illustrates 11 "secrets" that couples can apply to insulate and protect their marriage. Each secret is defined in a separate chapter, along with a blueprint for bringing it home. For example, the secret of setting marital goals includes a step-by-step guide to creating a "marriage proposal," and the chapter about the impact of childhood in marriage offers readers probing questions about the legacy of their parents' marriage. However, Neuman's most controversial secret is his ability to skewer the myth of marriage as mutual independence. Instead, he urges couples to establish a "healthy co-dependence" in their marriage and to "protect their marriage against emotional infidelity by avoiding friendships with members of the opposite sex." Neuman's passion for increasing focus and commitment in marriage can be both persuasive and challenging, with his clear values and strategies requiring that readers reexamine their ideas about marriage. --Barbara Mackoff --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly
"If we operated our business the way we run our marriage, most people would be bankrupt," asserts Neuman in this manual for creating and maintaining nothing less than great marriages. Admitting that this objective "takes a 110 percent effort," the coauthor of Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way brings 14 years of experience as a marital counselor and an equally long marriage of his own to this comprehensive guide. The title refers to Neuman's belief in "the single most important thing you can do for your marriage," namely limiting your relationships with everyone other than your partner, particularly members of the opposite sex. Neuman also offers 10 other "secrets" for couples to work through in 10 weeks, including sharing specific goals and plans, clearly defining roles for each partner, appreciating each other, fostering interdependence and understanding the effects of your childhood on your marriage. Reminding readers that a great marriage takes years to cultivate, Neuman provides a four-point plan: touch each other five times daily, go on a weekly date, have a long talk four times a week, and have an all-out romantic lovemaking night monthly. Neuman makes the questionable claim that it only takes one partner to transform a marriage and make it great, and confuses interdependency with "codependency" (which may offend readers struggling with issues of relationships with actively addicted persons). Still, this is an important addition to the marriage manual genre, complete with an unusually helpful section on in-law relationships. (Oct. 23)Forecast: Marriage manuals are always in demand in bookstores and hot topics for talk shows. This one offers a unique (and possibly controversial) viewpoint as well as an experienced and engaging author. Planned national publicity could spark high interest and sales.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press (September 24, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609810006
• ISBN-13: 978-0609810002
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #39,354 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

53 of 58 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars from a professional point of view, April 24, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid It and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Marriage (Hardcover)

As a marital therapsit I've found this book to be of exceptional help with my marital patients. It's unusual in how it offers clear direction for a marriage at any stage. I've found it useful to help couples create clear daily goals for their marriage, learn how their parents' marriage has affected them, and how to create a great deal of passion. The book offers such creative activities which I have my patients work on together. There's a great chapter on sex also. It really helps couples focus in on the deeper meaning of sex and has some straightforward advice that every couple must know.
I've found the book great for my patients also because of the stories which really bring the ideas to life and make it a quick read. There are so many books that seem to preach but this one seems to offer a conversation with you. The author seems to have purposely created a book that helps a couple think together and create something unique for themselves.
Most of all, the book is not afraid to tell it like it is. Neuman makes us think about the energy we have to give to our spouse and how much of it goes quickly to the wrong places. He has an especially great piece on accepting our spouse's flaws called "the Mona Lisa was no size two," where he really makes you think about how society has brainwashed us into certain beliefs about our spouses.
I don't usually take the time to write reviews but this is something exceptional that can really help a lot of people. I'll keep buying it for my patients.

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Insight to workplace extramarital affairs, May 19, 2007

By	DTru_Rivvy (Riverside, CA) - See all my reviews

Emotional Infidelity focuses on strengthening and healing marriages, but it helped me through the first two years of accepting and healing after my ex-husband's multiple emotional and physical workplace affairs. I purchased this book the day after I found out about my ex's last affair. Hindsight is 20/20, and the scenarios in this book were a blueprint of the last 2 years of my marriage: phone calls at home from "co-workers", working late at the office, and driving to the office in the middle of the night to take care of "security alarm" calls. I read several books to help get through the painful breakup, and Emotional Infidelity was the most insighful and practical book on emotional (and physical) affairs I found. My marriage was over, but reading the book encouraged me to focus on my own strength without my ex.

18 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The deeper issue, July 8, 2002

By	Karin Ristau (Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Emotional Infidelity: How to Avoid It and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Marriage (Hardcover)

The real issue regarding emotional infidelity is not only an opposite sex friendship. I believe that anything or anyone that robs the couple of time with each other, or anything or anyone either spouse uses (consciously or subconsciously) to avoid spending time with the partner, i.e. even friendships with the SAME sex, over involvement with and attachment to the children, career, church, computer, cars, committees, community, causes and many other good or even excellent things, will do the same damage to a marriage, as could any opposite gender friendship. Somehow it's always easier though, to project blame on a person of the opposite sex, rather than turning the spotlight on the marriage itself and doing the tough in depth soul searching work that gets to the root of the problem in both partners. It takes two to make or break a marriage! It takes two who create the conditions at home that would even want someone to stray.

Each couple should have all their priorities straight and expend their primary energy on creating a fulfilling, loving relationship with each other,which definitely includes having a banquet feast at home. Then enjoying and cultivating loving, caring, pure friendships with members of the opposite sex, either singly or as a couple, need never be a threat, but rather an enhancement. If the couple relationship is solid and healthy, there is no need to live in dread and fear of opposite gender friendships! A friend is more like a sister or brother, definitely not a lover in my books!

Sometimes people come against things so strongly in order to cover up their own temptations in that area. If you are too strongly tempted, don't project that onto everyone else and steer clear of temptations.