The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive (Hardcover)

~ Ph.D., Robert E. Emery (Author) "The telephone call was typical of many that I receive as a marriage therapist and mediator..." (more)
Key Phrases: distant divorce, cooperative divorce, angry divorce, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Alternate Mondays (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychology professor Emery knows firsthand how difficult divorce can be for children. He has an adult daughter from his first marriage, and while he regrets some of his behavior with regard to his ex-wife, he also recognizes that he and his former spouse were effective parents. When there are children, a divorce doesn't end a husband-wife relationship. Emery believes too many couples say they don't want their children hurt by their divorce, but the children still end up stuck in the middle, almost always facing discomfort. So, Emery writes, "The first order of business is negotiating a working relationship with your ex." Emery explains how to establish and develop the foundation of a co-parenting partnership by understanding emotions, managing anger and setting boundaries. Drawing on examples from his clients, he elaborates upon how individuals can agree on custody arrangements, schedules, discipline and other issues. In a relaxed style, Emery elucidates a very stressful subject. He doesn't sugarcoat the situation; one of his examples is about a vindictive couple whose children are hurt by their anger over the failed marriage. His book will benefit parents going through divorce, as well as attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing parents and their children.
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Product Description

Nationally recognized expert Robert Emery applies his twenty-five years of experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to offer parents a new roadmap to divorce—never before laid out for general readers. Dr. Emery shows how our powerful emotions, and the way we handle them, shape how we divorce—and whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realistic—divorce is invariably painful, but parents can help promote their children’s resiliency. With compassion and authority, Dr. Emery explains:

• Why it is so hard to really make divorce work
• How anger and fighting can keep people from really separating
• Why legal matters should be one of the last tasks
• Why parental love and authority can be the best "therapy" for kids

One million children are affected by divorce each year. This unique book combines the compelling guidance of a renowned researcher and the sensitivity of a practicing therapist and divorced father to help parents and children emerge strong, independent, and ready to move into a new, fulfilling phase of life.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 336 pages
• Publisher: Viking Adult (August 19, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0670032875
• ISBN-13: 978-0670032877
• Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #473,782 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Highest Recomendation, February 9, 2005

By	Lynn M. Selby - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

As a clinical psychologist, I am grateful to have this book to recommend to my patients who are in or contemplating a divorce. In "The Truth about Children and Divorce", Dr. Emery provides parents with an overview of the divorce research that is neither fatalistic or sugar coated. From his years of clinical practice, he offers detailed and specific "scripts" of what to say to tell the children at different ages and in different situations (such as when there is an affair), thoughts on different custody schedules and advice about establishing a co-parenting relationship. Most importantly, Dr. Emery writes in the compassionate and personal voice of someone who has coached many a parent through the difficult road of separating their pain from their parenting, and who has traveled this difficult road himself. If you only recommend one book, this should be it.

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Divorced Parents, October 2, 2004

By	Gunnar J. Gitlin (Woodstock, Illinois) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

As a divorce (aka) matrimonial lawyer, I review books involving the effects of divorce on children because it is important to my practice and clients. This is perhaps one of the best books on the subject. Many books on divorce are pessimistic in terms of their overall approach and focus. Dr. Emery is one of the few individuals who basis his writings, etc., on controlled studies as to the effect of divorce upon children (instead of the norm of opinions based upon anecdotes). On my own web site I have recommended this book.

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Positive Direction for Families in a Divorce, September 6, 2004

By	K. Westbury (Dallas, TX USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book is a wonderful resource,written with warmth and wisdom. I was both touched and enlightened by Dr.Emery's accounts. The author brings home highly useful and important concepts with an easy and enjoyable style. For myself and many of my divorced friends,parenting through divorce has presented sometimes painful challenges with little guidance available. This book offers the kind of thinking, insight, tools and reaching out that families and parents need in a difficult time. The author emphasizes putting children first, but even more, based on many years of experience and insight, actually describes for parents how to do it. It is a compelling and heartening read.