Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage (Hardcover)

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Key Phrases: male breadwinner marriage, breadwinner marriages, heaving volcano, United States, North America, Middle Ages (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Politics, economics, greed, sex, cars—without them, matrimony wouldn’t have caused the historical revolution ensuing today, concludes social historian Stephanie Coontz, in Marriage, a History. Modern marriage is in crisis; but don’t pine for a return to "the good old days," when men earned money and women kept house. Don’t even assume the crisis is all bad. For as Coontz reveals in this ambitious, multi-century trek through wedlock, marriage has morphed into the highest expression of commitment in Western Europe and North America; and though assumptions no longer exist regarding which partner may say "I do" to work, childcare, or other shared responsibilities, a clear set of rules about saying "I don’t" (to infidelity and irresponsibility) rings loud as church bells.

"This is not the book I thought I was going to write," Coontz admits. She intended to show that marriage was not in crisis; merely changing in expected ways. But her exhaustive research suggested the opposite was true. Tracing matrimony’s path from ancient times (when some cultures lacked a word for "love" and the majority of pairings were attempts to seize land or family names) through present day, she closely examines the many external forces at play in shaping modern marriage. Coontz details how society’s attempts to toughen this institution, have actually made it more fragile. Her rich talent for analyzing events, statistics, and theories from a myriad of sources—and enabling the reader to put them all in perspective—make this provocative history book an essential resource.--Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. When considered in the light of history, "traditional marriage"—the purportedly time-honored institution some argue is in crisis thanks to rising rates of divorce and out-of-wedlock births, not to mention gay marriage—is not so traditional at all. Indeed, Coontz (The Way We Never Were) argues, marriage has always been in flux, and "almost every marital and sexual arrangement we have seen in recent years, however startling it may appear, has been tried somewhere before." Based on extensive research (hers and others'), Coontz's fascinating study places current concepts of marriage in broad historical context, revealing that there is much more to "I do" than meets the eye. In ancient Rome, no distinction was made between cohabitation and marriage; during the Middle Ages, marriage was regarded less as a bond of love than as a " 'career' decision"; in the Victorian era, the increasingly important idea of true love "undermined the gender hierarchy of the home" (in the past, men—rulers of the household—were encouraged to punish insufficiently obedient wives). Coontz explains marriage as a way of ensuring a domestic labor force, as a political tool and as a flexible reflection of changing social standards and desires. She presents her arguments clearly, offering an excellent balance between the scholarly and the readable in this timely, important book. Agent, Susan Rabiner. (May)
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Product Details

• Hardcover: 448 pages
• Publisher: Viking Adult (May 23, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 067003407X
• ISBN-13: 978-0670034079
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.4 x 1.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #446,174 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Want to learn about marriage and relationships? Read this book!, June 27, 2005

By	Dorothy Marcic (Nashville, TN USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Stephanie Coontz has once again written a thoughful, informative and thoroughly readable book. After devouring her THE WAY WE NEVER WERE, I didn't think it could get any better. Oh, was I wrong. Marriage, A History, is so interesting, so captivating, that you will not want to put it down, you will be telling all your friends about it. And, if you are smart, you'll get a book club together to discuss this important piece of work.
As an author and academic myself, I know how much work goes into writing a book. Coontz has done one difficult piece of investigative research--and she makes it interesting, even compelling. Coontz documents the changes marriage has gone through from times past when women were socialized to obey the man, when no one even expected to marry for love. Back then, marriage was for economic and social reasons and the web or family and society kept a couple together. Now we expect to marry for love, but as Coontz shows, love is the most fragile part of the equation. Thus, it has meant a change in how we see marriage, a change in behaviors. Not only do we expect emotional intimacy, but women (in Western societies, anyway) are more equal than before. And so marriage continues to evolve. Coontz also shows how robust the institution of marriage is: try to think of many other institutions that have survived for thousands of years. She also gives honest--and personal--insights into the difficulties of sustaining a happy marriage, as well as the rewards. Consider that married couples in Western countries are generally better off emotionally, economically and are healthier than couples living in other types of arrangements.
So, click on the button and buy this book. You will be thankful you did.
Dr. Dorothy Marcic
Vanderbilt University

33 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hey state legislators, What are you really protecting? , June 24, 2005

By	Robin Orlowski "political activist" (United States) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

Once again Coontz (The way we never were, The way we really are) delves beyond simplistic pop culture/political sound bites to deliver an infinitely more complex portrait of American family life. This time she tackles marriage.

Because marriage has traditionally been about possession of property (the woman and her family's ownings) today's pop culture promotion of marriage as a partnership of equals is VERY new. It is not at all traditional in the actual historical sense.

People who are eager to restrict same sex marriage might want to reconsider after they learn what had previously been restricted throughout American history. Interracial, inter-religious, and the unions of people with disabilities were all once barred under 'protection' guises of their day.

We endorse a very selective and unrealistic history of marriage whenever we avoid recognition of these histories. It is easy to support marriage restrictions until we have to concede that we might ourselves be discriminated by a genuinely 'traditional' institution. Today's attempts to ban same sex marriage only carry on the tradition of fear and division rather than affirming the institution itself.

Coontz delves into disturbing histories, but this book is completely readable. Like her previous works, this book is accessible; the scholar, community activist, and general audiences all will find this title a very informative work.

We cannot discuss the tradition of marriage without first actually conceding that this institution has previously changed and then what adherence to tradition really would mean for the country.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars highly informative, readable, sometimes surprising, September 20, 2005

By	B. Capossere (Rochester, NY USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

Fans of Coontz will remember the superb job she did in exploding many of the "Ozzie and Harriet" myths surrounding American life in the 50's. Here she greatly expands her focus in a work that is as strong in terms of its educational value if not quite as readable due to its much more epic subject.
Here, rather than stick to a single decade, Coontz looks at marriage from its history-fogged origins (covering a range of speculations of how marriage evolved) to its present day incarnations. She covers both time and space, crossing from continent to continent, culture to culture.
Along the way, Coontz in clear and entertaining fashion shows how marriage has been in a state of constant flux, whether with regard to the role of economics, choice, love, or gender power. She turns the abstract/scholarly more concrete by always coming back to an actual marriage--detailing the marriages of nobles and commoners through historical texts, letters, diaries, etc. If there are more of the aristocracy, she at least acknowledges the problems with trying to extrapolate from such a small non-representative population.
At times one wonders if the topic is too big; it suffers somewhat for that reason in comparison to The Way We Never Were mostly because it can't have that same laser focus. Sometimes one feels she could do with fewer references to nobles/celebrities, could narrow the number of cultures discussed, but by the end the sheer preponderance of information, so nicely detailed, so well-organized, so clearly explained and placed in larger societal, chronological, and even personal contexts, outweighs any minor complaints. A book well worth reading, especially nowadays as people toss around references to marriage's 2000 years of history, as if marriage had stayed the same for all 2000 years. Highly recommended.