Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works (Paperback)

~ Francine M. Deutsch (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews

The cheerful pun of the title is one of the liveliest moments in a tangled scrutiny of mothers and fathers who share parenting equally. This study of dual-earner couples with children was funded by the National Science Foundation in order to explore if, in fact, it was possible for working women to split equally with their partners the notorious ``second shift''the responsibility for childcare and household chores that comes after a full day at work. Deutsch (Psychology/Mt. Holyoke Coll.) and her team initially interviewed 429 couples and ended up with 44 who met the criteria for parents who shared equally (5050) or nearly equally (6040), plus a group of couples who worked alternating shifts and a third group whose division of labor was unequal (7525) with the burden usually falling on the mother. Most of the couples were white, educated, and middle class; the alternating shift group fell into the blue-collar category. The emphasis was not on who did the dishes or even on equal time with the children, but on whether the responsibility was truly divided. That includes the ``mental work'' of managing the routine, like keeping track of children's schedules or noticing that baby needs new shoes. It will come as no surprise that Deutsch found breaking out of traditional gender roles was extremely difficult for her subjects. She tries to tease out the issues involved, including the demands of biology (breast feeding, for instance), men's reluctance to take on a ``feminine'' role, women's reluctance to give up the status of mother, the lack of role models. Jobs are a stumbling block. ``Careers are [still] designed for men'' who have wives at home to support them, says Deutsch. Equal parenting demands ``family careers,'' with shorter hours, more flexibility for family emergencies and plenty of compromise by both parents regarding ambition and direction. A motley profusion of anecdotes and quotes offers little support for the author's lame if hopeful conclusion: ``Why not equality?'' -- Copyright ©1999, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

A pioneering account of gender equality in America today--when it works, when it doesn't, and how to make the difference. Must reading for anyone who is trying to share parenting equally. I couldn't put it down. -- Juliet Schor, author of The Overworked American --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Harvard University Press; 1 edition (April 7, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0674002091
• ISBN-13: 978-0674002098
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #754,669 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Moms--wondering why you're doing it all? read this., April 23, 2000

By A Customer

This is an excellent, pleasureable book by a sociologist/ mom who has taken on the task of trying to find the holy grail of truly shared parenting. The author is clearly following in the path blazed by The Second Shift, and examines what it means to be a co-parent by looking at case studies. These case studies are interesting peeks at families and how they function or don't.The detail is excellent.

Wonderfully, she includes household management as part of what it means to be a co-parent. So housework is a big part of this story. My only complaint about this book is that it seemed to be more about housework than about actual parenting. There is very little info on typical parenting issues --it's really about the spouses and their relationship.

The funny part is her catalog of male excuses for not pitching in--the Harvard lawyer who claims incompetence when it comes to laundry or dressing a five-year old. The excuse of lower standards, the brick wall, etc. All very familiar. Women also have excuses. Her gentle jibes will make you think twice about jumping in to clean something up because the man of the house doesn't do it "good enough."

The scary part is how rare co-parenting is and how incredibly hard it is to achieve. But she does offer some good ideas on how to start thinking about it practically.

This book will depress you if you think you've actually made a choice being an SAH mom because, maybe, you haven't really. She really puts the squeeze on the kind of thinking women do in these situations. You may not like this.

It's a valuable read if you want to find ways to enhance cooperation in your family. It's valuable, too, if you want to enahnce the presence of each parent in your child's life, and offer better role models.

This is not a how to. It isn't a self-help thing. This is a book that intelligently looks at some deepy feminist issues in a friendly and apporachable way and then holds up a mirror to your own family and asks you to take a good look --for yourself, for you spouse, and for you children.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read for prospective parents, August 12, 2001

By	David in Boston "David" (Boston) - See all my reviews

This book is enormously important. My wife and I have not had children yet ourselves, and coming upon this book struck me as extraordinarily fortunate, as it lays out very clearly the pitfalls we will encounter in our pursuit of a fair distribution of labor. We loved the book so much that we went back and bought four more copies to give away to our pregnant friends.

Deutsch's meditations on the extensive interviews she did with 150 couples are remarkable, expecially her exposure of the inconsistencies and double standards that we all take for granted. It has been enormously satisfying reading, not just for the well-executed analyses, but also because her arguments are so relevant to daily life. All that research, all the connections she makes, will save us a lot of trial and error and confusion, like a map through a minefield.

I've never reviewed a book on Amazon before, despite being a customer for several years. I just think this book needs to be read by everyone contemplating raising kids (while retaining sanity) today.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A nice start but much left to be said, July 27, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works (Hardcover)

I read this book as a white collar professional who shares childcare equally with my spouse, using flextime to make the scheduling work. I was interested in getting insight into how other couples handle the stresses of equal care.

I had lots of moments reading the book when I said "I recognize that situation" but very few in which I said "that's an idea that can help me." I was also frustrated that the author chose to exclude white collar families from the alternate shift chapter (even though flextime enables such solutions) since that chapter would have been very relevant for me. In short, the book illustrates that equal sharing does happen but comes up a little short on ways to make it work.

I also found the periodic prosletyzing for daycare annoying -- many people I know do split shifts and the equivalent because they find daycare unsatisfying or inadequate.