In the Company of Men: A New Approach to Healing for Husbands, Fathers, and Friends (Hardcover)

~ (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

There has been an increased awareness of physical, mental, verbal, and sexual abuse by men over the past few years. As a result, more studies are being conducted to determine why men act the way they do. Allen, founder of the Texas Wildman Gatherings, and Robinson, author of The Montgomery Bus Boycott and the Women Who Started It ( LJ 5/1/87), have compiled numerous personal accounts of men who are seeking help through counseling. The accounts reveal the men's true feelings and experiences from childhood to manhood. The book does an excellent job in showing how parents shape a child's masculinity through their actions and words. According to the authors, the only truly masculine emotion is anger, which is healthy. When anger becomes rage, however, there is usually a problem that can be traced to childhood. This is an excellent book for counselors and students and is appropriate for most libraries.
- H. Robert Malinowsky, Univ. of Illinois at Chicago
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews

Allen (director of the Texas Men's Institute) and Robinson (a freelance writer) show how the stereotypes men are raised with, as well as the allegedly dysfunctional parents who raise them, produce emotional cripples--and how talk-therapy fails them while the new rituals associated with Robert Bly will free them. Allen identifies six forms of dysfunctional fathers (``Critical''; ``Smart-Ass''; ``Passive''; ``Self-Centered''; ``Hostile''; ``Neglectful'') and seven types of dysfunctional mothers (``Smothering''; ``Seductive''; ``Dependent''; ``Martyr''; ``Abandoning''; ``Critical''; ``Hostile-abusive''). These parents, he says, produce two types of emotionally dysfunctional sons: the angry ``Kick-Ass'' and the passive ``Kiss-Ass'' (with subtypes of ``passive,'' ``paralyzed,'' ``passive/aggressive,'' and ``pleasing''), each of which is emotionally repressed, isolated, confused about grief and rage, incapable of expressing anger appropriately, and tending to erupt periodically to insulate themselves totally. Moreover, these men are incapable of inspiring or sustaining the love, approval, nurturing, and sexual gratification they need. A self-confessed dysfunctional son himself, Allen (who was beaten by his father) found traditional therapies to be unhelpful and so developed his own, based on a fear-of-flying course he took, on anger-release exercises (including beating a pillow with a bat), and on his first men's gathering with Bly. The author concludes with a discussion of what he calls ``creative masculinity,'' using as a metaphor/model the concept of the matador in the kitchen: If a man does it, it's necessarily manly. Allen disregards the many influences on a contemporary child's life other than his parents, and, while he redefines ``Wildmen'' as victims of childhood abuse, he fails to see that all abused kids will become damaged adults adapting in much the same way, regardless of gender. Still, a somewhat useful introduction to men's issues for those who prefer sloganeering psychologisms to the literary allusions of Bly. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 235 pages
• Publisher: Random House; 1st edition (June 1, 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0679422870
• ISBN-13: 978-0679422877
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,383,918 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Powerful Book on the Healing Power of Men, December 7, 2003

By	NiceGuy1 (USA) - See all my reviews

"In the Company of Men" is one of the best books I've read on both the psychology of men and the therapeutic effects of men's groups. The book is powerfully written with true stories from therapist Marvin Allen's clients and seminar participants, as well as from Allen's own life. Collaboration with writer Jo Robinson has made the book even more powerful by creating a structure that is easily understood. This collaboration has also produced an exciting flow to the narrative that makes it difficult to put the book down, even for a minute.

Writer/therapists often do not reveal much about themselves in the books they write. Not true for Marvin Allen. He goes out of his way to identify with male readers by openly relating his own internal struggles as a man, including stories about his own therapy experiences.

Men are different than women psychologically, and for the most part, respond best to therapeutic interventions that better meet their needs. Allen encourages the release of emotions in his therapeutic settings, not just talking about how his male clients feel. And most importantly, he is a strong proponent of group therapy. Allen believes that men heal best in the presence of other supportive men.

A newer edition of this book is entitled: "Angry Men, Passive Men." I personally preferred the original title. Either edition is well worth reading, however.