Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex (Paperback)

~ (Author) "Nine years ago, I began working on a book called Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission..." (more)
Key Phrases: kinky people, fetish clothes, bondage toys, Associated Clothes, Associated Equipment, Common Scenarios (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Come Hither is accessible, fun to read, informative, and sexy all at the same time. I highly recommend it." -- Bob Berkowitz, author of His Secret Life

"Dr. Brame is simply the best tour guide I know for your travel in the world of kinky sex." -- Dr. Robert T. McIlvenna, President, The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality

"Finally, a step by step commonsense reference guide for those who want to explore in this arena. Brame's book offers information that covers ALL the compass points of the world of kinky sex." -- Lou Paget, author of How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure

Dr. Robert T. McIlvenna President, The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality Dr. Brame is simply the best tour guide I know for your travel in the world of kinky sex. -- Review

Review

Bob Berkowitz

author of His Secret Life

Come Hither is accessible, fun to read, informative, and sexy all at the same time. I highly recommend it.

Dr. Robert T. McIlvenna

President, The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality

Dr. Brame is simply the best tour guide I know for your travel in the world of kinky sex.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Fireside; illustrated edition edition (February 18, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684854627
• ISBN-13: 978-0684854625
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #88,562 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in this category: (What's this?)

  #14 in

  Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Pornography

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

40 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A good book that rings true, July 9, 2000

By	David E. Martin "XxIII" (Ogden, UT USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is the first book on the subject that i've actually managed to read cover-to-cover, without wanting to skip around. It also rings true with my personal experiences so far, particularly her section on "types of people to watch out for". Browsing that section in the bookstore is what convinced me to look at the book in more depth and to buy it. Upon reading the entire book i'm glad I did.

I particularly like her inclusive nature, and her stressing of (nearly, she has reservations about medically dangerous stuff) everything being ok, as long as it involves people capable of consent, who know what they are getting into. It seems there are so many other sources which have an idea of "the one true way" to do it, and anything else is somehow wrong, or not "real BDSM". This book was a refreshing breath of air.

I found the writing style to be very comfortable and readable, and not stuffy or dry. I found her discussions of the social stigmas associated with various practices very interesting. Also, the discussions of the emotional and mental aspects; this is more than just another "how-to" book. This is a book I would not be afraid to give to someone who may be questioning their "vanilla-ness". Its a gentle opening of the eyes, instead of a drop-kick into the middle of the ocean. I wish I had read this before an encounter with a "one-true-way" type who nearly drove me away forever. Fortunately, I realized that not all players are that way, and this book really helps to make that clear. For instance, its perfectly ok to be a dominant masochist, or a hedonist, one just needs to find compatible partners, and they are out there somewhere. I think it also helps make clear just how common kink must be, in spite of appearances (after all, at the icecream shop, how many flavors are vanilla, and how many aren't? 8)

The world will be a much better place once people are actually allowed to be who they are; this book is a step in helping that to come about.

The book loses a star (I would have given it 4.5, if that were an option) due to an occasional bias in examples toward what must be the author's personal preferences, although I suppose its good to use what you know. Fortunately this detracts very little from the overall content and message.

I think the book would be good for anyone, no matter which of the GLBTS (s is for straight) letters apply to them. Unlike a previous review I found the trans(gender/sexual/vestite) discussion to be very enlightening and appropriate, in its place in the book, particularly in helping to understand the differences in the various categories. Trans people can certainly be into BDSM as much as anyone else, and some people use trans as a form of BDSM. I suspect many people tend to always lump "the other" into one group and don't want to realize that the topics are more complex than that. This book helps to dispel that for a number of topics related to sex in some way.

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Please, Mistress, May I Have Another?, March 1, 2000

By	BluuMagic (Atlanta, Georgia) - See all my reviews

When beer companies and fashion designers begin basing advertising campaigns on high-gloss photographs of men licking the feet of models wearing black stilettos, you know pop culture has truly become obsessed with all things leather and kinky. It's a far cry from 1993 when Dr. Gloria Brame was the lead writer of "Different Loving," the ground-breaking book on sexual dominance and submission. The book was so controversial it almost didn't get published; it's now considered the Bible of the BDSM movement and one of the driving forces behind kink going mainstream.

"Come Hither" is Brame's long-waited follow-up, a perfect companion to that first book. If "Different Loving" was a scholarly and detached overview of an exciting and unexplored new world, then "Come Hither" is like finding a chatty and knowledgeable tour guide who knows all the best spots in town.

This is a book for both the curious and the experienced. Fearful of sharing your fantasies of being tied up to your partner? "Come Hither" offers clear and smart advice. Wondering about the proper use of a Butterfly Board or a Neuro-Wheel? "Come Hither" has detailed descriptions of dozens of kinky toys and devices.

Brame not only is one of the world's foremost experts on BDSM, she's also an engaging writer who is able to convey her passion and knowledge in a conversational style. She never takes herself, or her topic, too seriously. So much of society's perception of BDSM is cloaked in danger and darkness. Brame shows the human side: the intimacy and the warmth and the humor. "Will heavy makeup make me look cheap?" she asks in a chapter delving into cross-dressing. "Of course," she replies, with a wink and a nod. "Isn't that the fun part of it?"

You'll find a lot of those kinds of moments in "Come Hither." You'll also find solid and fascinating information and tips by the woman who, literally, wrote "the book" on BDSM.

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Written to a SHARP Point!, December 27, 2003

By A Customer

Having been involved in various aspects of kink since the late 70's, I'm usually unimpressed with the crop of fad-riding how to's about the subject popping up these days. Come Hither, however, breaks through the pack and stands out remarkably as a MUST READ if you're serious about understanding the amazing possibilities that can come from exploring natural, kink-filled passions (or need a useful tool in helping a loved one understand).

Rather than coming off as a stale, academic guide, Dr. Gloria Brame has witfully woven together all of the basics in an innovative form that can be easily molded to individual tastes. Her experience in the field of sexology comes through solidly in the many technical tips offered in the text, but I also found that the book provided a nice blend of pertinent anecdotes and useful opinions that gives the reader ample food for thought in drawing their own conclusions. While perhaps not groundbreaking in its content, Come Hither clearly leaps to the head of the class as a literary model in portraying kink as healthy, safe, exciting and most of all, FUN!

Great info. Great ideas. Great style. I strongly recommend it to everyone regardless of experience level.