Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map (Paperback)

~ Sam R. Hamburg (Author), Sam R. Hamburg PH.D. (Author) "A young woman-call her Jane-sits on the couch in my consulting room..." (more)
Key Phrases: comfort with sexuality, compatibility dimensions, debt tolerance, Bad News, Wavelength Dimension, Practical Dimension (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Quietly disputing the "men are from Mars" theory, psychologist Hamburg argues that the key to a satisfying marriage lies in choosing the right partner based on compatibility in three areas: on a practical level, sexually and in "wavelength." His thoughtful explanation of why he believes mutual understanding is more important in marriage than communication or hard work is illustrated with examples from his own practice and peppered with questions aimed at helping readers assess their compatibility with their partners. Among the practical considerations he discusses are attitudes about earning and spending money, maintaining a household, managing leisure time and dealing with family members. The section on sexuality surveys sexual style, interest and comfort level, while the "wavelength dimension" covers values, aspirations and spiritual orientation. Hamburg does not suggest that each person find a clone; he simply emphasizes the importance of assessing the ways in which a potential partner conforms with or differs from oneself. While his notion of "optimizing" a relationship has a slightly academic ring, he also recommends some offbeat exercises, such as a series of hand-rotations designed to help partners define compatibility. He also offers straight-up traditional wisdom that's often overlooked in the throes of attraction: get to know a potential partner in a variety of circumstances, get rid of partners who project bad vibes or present unpleasant situations. Writing in an amiably paternal, workmanlike style, Hamburg proffers realistic and sensible advice. Agent, Candice Fuhrman.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

Hamburg knows all about keeping couples together. He's a marital therapist, lecturer at the University of Chicago's Pritzker School of Medicine, and adjunct professor at Northwestern University's Family Institute. Here he explains how to figure out in advance whether love will endure.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Scribner (August 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684864924
• ISBN-13: 978-0684864921
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #84,008 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Self Help Book I Can Recommend to My Patients, June 24, 2000

By	Carol Cheney (San Diego,CA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map (Hardcover)

As a partner in a successful marriage of 21 years, I am not often drawn to "self help--relationship" books. In my role as a primary physician I do, however, see the sad fallout of marriages that do not last. Thus it was on the recommendation of a colleague that I read Dr. Hamburg's book.

In a very logical and readable format Dr. Hamburg outlines characteristics that are central to the success of a marriage. His central premise is that COMPATIBILITY is the key to a long-lasting relationship. This need not mean sameness, but rather a pattern of beliefs, goals and lifestyle that meshes with that of one's partner. Much of the emphasis of COMMUNICATION - style and ability to communicate - is misplaced, Hamburg contends. Couples may communicate very well but deliver messages that are inherently incompatible.

Dr.Hamburg thus focuses on specific attributes of each partner and of their relationship.Too often, he points out, decisions are deferred which will make or break a marriage -- the most obvious being the decision whether to have a family. In a humorous but pointedly pertinent chapter he outlines "bad news" characteristics -- red flags that are destined to predict failure but are often overlooked. At the same time Dr. Hamburg develops a construct of three dimensions which each contribute to the success of a marriage -- "physical," "practical," and "wavelength." By combining examples, exercises and questions for partners to ponder together he maps out a way to ask the questions that will help a couple achieve an understanding of the level of their own compatibility.

There aren't many self-help books that I can recommend to may patients without reservation, but this is definitely one.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Will Last, May 18, 2000

By	Charles B. Mark (New Jersey) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map (Hardcover)

As a psychologist, I am always on the lookout for a book that I can recommend to my clients. It is rare that I find one. This is one of very few books that I will tell my clients about and will personally reread. Too many self-help books offer up one or two ideas and then some advice. Helpful, but not enough. This book is different. The reader will learn to think about their relationship, love and compatibility in a clear but deep way. This will enhance communication, and for many, help them to be closer. For others, it will help them make some difficult decisions regarding the long term prospects of their relationship. Dr. Hamburg writes in a clear, very frank manner. He shows insight, compassion and simple wisdom. This is a great book!

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Married? New love? Looking for love? You should read this, December 3, 2000

By	J. Charles Hansen (San Jose, CA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map (Hardcover)

The author presents a fairly straightforward theory of how he's seen compatibility relate to long term marital happiness and stability. He breaks it down to three areas: practical, sexual and wavelength. I've thought a lot in the past about the way I relate or don't relate in relationhships, but reading this book I had a number of "aha" moments where I felt like this makes real sense. I've discussed his ideas with a number of friends and the consensus is he's right on. The great thing is that after you read this I'll bet you'll feel compelled to talk about these ideas with friends and more importantly your lover. It's an easy, accessible read that I would see as invaluable to people looking for love or married for years.