Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage (Hardcover)

~ (Author) "People who are unhappy in their marriages often speak of feeling trapped..." (more)
Key Phrases: divorce trap, truce triggers, divorce busting, Common Dilemmas, Pulling It All Together (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In the United States, half of all marriages do not end in divorce--despite the interference of hell-bent lawyers, biased therapists, the media, and even well-meaning friends. The Divorce Remedy aims to increase this percentage by offering seven clear steps that couples--or even one hopeful spouse--can implement privately. A therapist herself, relationship expert Michele Weiner Davis accurately (and often humorously) shows how typical counseling and communications tactics backfire. Her method for saving a marriage involves an effective blend of subtle and obvious action steps, each taken in specific order. After a myth-busting lecture on the realities of divorce, Weiner Davis thoroughly outlines her simple plan. Intimidating discussion topics and emotional letter writing are not required; as she succinctly puts it, "happiness is a do-it-yourself job." Poignant questions help readers define their own needs, set specific marriage goals, and monitor results. Weiner Davis pays special attention to issues of infidelity, depression, midlife crises, and "passion meltdowns," showing how basic relationship skills (like understanding and patience) can reverse even the most dire marital scenarios. Clients' stories and letters provide ample testimony for the program's success, and despite her own zealous back-patting, Weiner Davis's sensible approach to revitalizing one's marriage seems truly worthy of praise and practice. --Liane Thomas

From Booklist

Therapist, relationship expert, and author of several books, including the best-seller Divorce Busting (1992), Davis continues her quest to save sick marriages with this, her latest, self-help book. Davis shares her no-frills seven-step program for revitalizing marriages that are in trouble. Free from "therapy-speak," and easy to understand and follow, this book should benefit readers who have the strength and desire to try to save a floundering marriage. In a reassuring, conversational tone, Davis shows readers how to identify specific marriage-saving goals, how to move beyond ineffective and hurtful ways of interacting with spouses, and how to look for positive signs of change in your marriage while also remaining calm, patient, and optimistic. Packed with helpful anecdotes and sound advice, Davis' book offers solutions and hope for many different types of marriage problems even if only one partner is participating. With nearly half of all U.S. marriages ending in divorce, and with Davis' proven track record, expect demand for this book. Kathleen Hughes
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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (September 4, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684873540
• ISBN-13: 978-0684873541
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (30 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #548,139 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

109 of 110 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Save Your Own Marriage from the Brink of Divorce!, September 20, 2001

By	Professor Donald Mitchell "Jesus Makes Me a P... (Boston) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)

Think of this book as emergency room training for marriages that are about to collapse. Unlike other books on relationships, this one focuses on what to do after you spouse has moved out, taken up with someone else, or has said that she or he wants a divorce. What do you do now?

Michele Weiner Davis appears to have written this book to correct some misimpressions she left in her book, Divorce Busting (which I have not read). Here, she makes it clear that you can be your own marriage counselor, and you can succeed even if your spouse won't agree to work on the marriage. Based on her experiences as a marriage counselor, Ms. Davis feels that almost any marriage has the potential to be saved. She also points out that divorce is no bed of roses. The statistics back her up. Most people are happier, healthier, and wealthier in marriages than divorced. Children obviously do better.

Unfortunately, many friends, family, counselors, and the media encourage divorce as a way to reduce the near-term pain . . . while creating more long-term pain. Did you know that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce? Some people don't learn is the lesson.

Only you know whether you want to save your marriage or not. This book will help you make that decision.

Ms. Davis encourages you to save your marriage unless your spouse is a chronic source of physical abuse, substance abuse, or unfaithfulness and your spouse refuses to change in any one of these areas. The end of the book has several chapters for dealing with very severe problems like infidelity ("most marriages do survive infidelity"), a depressed spouse, the classic male mid-life crisis, and having sexual passion cool to the disappearing point.

The center piece of the book is a process for going from where you are miserable, defeated, and don't know what to do to the point where you are taking action and have created a chance to mend the problem. Did you know that most people have felt miserable enough to get divorced for 6 years before they announce their intention to solve the problem or leave the marriage?

Obviously, not every marriage can be saved . . . even if one of the partners wants to do so. But these methods will help improve the odds.

Many of the concepts in the book are similar to those in Dr. Phil McGraw's excellent book, Relationship Rescue. Perhaps this book could have been called Retrieving Your Marriage after It Seems Gone.

You are encouraged to look at your marriage and relationship from a new perspective. What's going on? What do you really want? Have you told your spouse? Stop doing things that don't work or make the situation worse! Do more of what does work. Experiment. Build on positive success.

Each section is filled with case histories, including Ms. Davis's own life and experiences. Some of them are really hilarious. One couple agreed that they would change the rules about fighting. They could only do so with their clothes off. This kept them from fighting in public and in front of the children. When the husband starting taking his clothes off, the wife started laughing and soon the fight was over. Whenever another fight would begin, the memory of that episode would bring them both to laughter rather than more anger.

The key point of the book is that you have to work on yourself. Changing you will elicit an improved response from your spouse. The book is full of examples of spouses who came back to the marriage when the behavior that was driving them crazy abated or stopped.

Having been divorced, I found the book to be honest and realistic. I certainly did not know what to do to solve the problems in that marriage. Having remarried, I certainly intend to apply the lessons of The Divorce Remedy to make my marriage a better one!

I recommend this book to couples who are getting ready to marry. The section on the marriage map will be very valuable for describing what one can expect from a successful marriage. I also recommend Relationship Rescue for those whose marriages need mending, but have not yet broken down. If you are looking for a divorce lawyer, pick up, read, and apply this book!

May your marriage meet all of your goals . . . and those of your spouse! Remember to recognize what you cannot change, and be accepting where it isn't really important!

86 of 88 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Offers Real Solutions to Troubled Marriages, January 10, 2002

By A Customer

Whether you are initiating the divorce or don't want the divorce, please read this book. This book is so much better than Weiner-Davis' earlier book, "Divorce Busting", and not only is the book very easy to read, the principles also work. That is, they work if you are willing to work it. Her recommendations require a lot of work, perseverance, hanging on no matter what, but in the end, they work. They worked for me when I thought nothing else ever would. I've read all marriage books I could find and find this one the best. Actually, it was "Divorce Busting" that helped heal my marriage but I had to read this new one even though my marriage is nicely on track now. All I could do while reading this book was nod my head in agreement to everything she wrote - been there, done that.

This book gives hope to those whose spouse is threatening divorce. For those who are the ones seeking divorce, please read and maybe see that divorce is not necessarily the attractive and quick solution it sometimes appears to be.

Read and reread this book, and put the principles into practice, even though at times you want to throw the book at your spouse (DON'T)!!! And even if in the end things do not work out, if you follow her suggestions, you will come out with a greater sense of well-being.

Best of luck and take care.

54 of 54 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Best I've Found, February 12, 2002

By A Customer

I'm still in the middle of a separation & impending divorce. When my wife wanted to call it quits, I ordered and read just about every book I could find on turning things around. Divorce Busting was one of the best, but Divorce Remedy is much better because it is "updated" and based on all the findings and actual cases that the earlier book effected. Like others here say, it is a lot of work. But if you want to be able to look in the mirror a year from now and truly say you did everything you could, you owe it to yourself to read this book and actively apply its principles. If you really do love your spouse, don't give up!