How Alcoholics Anonymous Failed Me: My Personal Journey To Sobriety Through Self-Empowerment (Hardcover)

~ Marianne Gilliam (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Describing herself as a rebellious adolescent raised in a privileged home in suburban Atlanta, first-time author Gilliam spent years in 12-step programs trying to combat food, alcohol and drug addiction. She claims that while A.A. helped her stop "using," it fosters a childlike dependence on a system. Not only is A.A. shallow, according to Gilliam ("I could easily achieve sobriety in A.A. without ever scratching the surface of why I drank and used in the first place"), it fuels the fear and self-hatred that underlie addiction. Gilliam found her sponsor patronizing and her A.A. compatriots overly dependent on the 12-step ritual. Their testimonies, however, as well as feedback from addicts in other rehab programs, would have provided a welcome dimension to her A.A. critique, which is one-sided. In the absence of an effective treatment, the author turned to self-help, New Age and religious books to manage her recovery, and she describes in the latter part of her book how she cured herself with "love-based healing"?a self-styled therapy that focuses on the internal cravings that caused her addictions. While Gilliam discusses concepts like moderation, forgiveness, empowerment, affirmation of positive traits and firm spiritual grounding, her assessment of A.A. seems distorted at times. Her insistence that A.A. fosters belief in an external God, "on something outside ourselves," for example, simply doesn't accord with others' reports of the A.A. experience. While Gilliam's book may help some individuals, A.A.'s track record speaks for itself; and those interested in a more upbeat view of A.A. and recovery, as well as a fresh approach to recovery, would do well to check out William Alexander's Cool Water (1997).
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Alcoholics Anonymous works, but not for everyone, according to the author. Gilliam, for example, grew impatient with the self-blame and AA's advice to "just let go and let God," feeling conflicted between her need to think for herself and her fear of using drugs and alcohol again. Eventually, she rebelled against what she viewed as AA's authoritarian program. In readable style, Gilliam outlines her new ideas of achieving sobriety by focusing on strength rather than weakness. Her book is divided into four parts: she analyzes in turns the shortcomings of the 12-step point of view, how love can replace fear as motivator, the characteristics of love-based thinking, and the seven components of freedom and healing. Her conclusion discusses "going it alone," moderation, and alternative programs to AA and with which she includes addresses. This book introduces an intelligent alternative to the literature of AA and, as such, is essential for public and medical collections.?Catherine T. Charvat, John Marshall Lib., Alexandria, VA
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow (July 22, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0688155871
• ISBN-13: 978-0688155872
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.4 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 2.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,428,806 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars When all is said and done its an inside job., December 27, 1998

By	Granny "book hoarder" (Massachusetts) - See all my reviews

This book is not nearly as negative as its title suggests. AA is recieving much harsher criticism elsewhere for its coercive use by the courts and other institutions private and public and for its own cult-like stance as being the beyond criticism. You won't get mixed messages from Gilliam's book however. She is only mildly critical of AA and the 12-steps and suggests using bits and pieces of whatever works for YOU. From someone who has been to many AA/NA meetings, treatment programs and read dozens of self-help books, this is one of the few sources that really made me feel good about myself and offered some hope. If you feel that low self-esteem, guilt and shame may be a part of your addiction and that AA only seems to exacerbate it then this book may be for you too.

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An alternative path to recovery, August 23, 1998

By	[e-mail] (Northbrook, IL) - See all my reviews

Despite the title, this is not one of your typical "AA-bashing" books. What we have instead, is one woman's personal story of multiple addictions - food (bulimia), cocaine, and alcohol - and recovery. When she encountered difficulties with the 12-step programs (AA, NA, OA) she struck out on her own path to sobriety.

Mrs. Gilliam does point out problems with 12-step programs and discusses them clearly and rationally. For her, the programs are fear-based (fear of drinking/using again, fear of this "cunning, baffling disease", fear of not working the steps properly) rather than love-based. Not surprisingly, she likens 12-step programs to Christianity and the parent-child relationship - looking for something (someone or some power) outside ourselves for help and guidance, rather than looking within. This is also evident in the sponsor-sponsoree relationship where the sponsoree is always in a subservient position, never reaching equality with one's sponsor. Instead of dealing with her emotions and cravings, her sponsor dealt her orders and slogans - go to more meetings, do a fourth step, "Let Go and Let God". She also realized that when taking a "moral inventory", the only items on that inventory had to be shortcomings, character flaws, and moral defects - no room for any positives. It all added up to a program that left her fearful, dominated by others, powerless, and seeking outside validation.

When 12-step meetings stopped working for her, Mrs. Gilliam embarked on her own program for self- empowerment through meditation, inner spirituality, responsibility for oneself, and love. It seems to have worked for her, and she is smart enough to point out this fact, not claiming it's the only way or that everyone should do exactly as she has.

Parts of this book are a bit too "new-Age-ish" for this 50+ male, with numerous quotes and references to Shakti Gawain and Deepak Chopra, but nicely balanced with others by Charlotte Kasl and Stanton Peele. I'm sure that women would get even more out of this book than I did.

One parting thought that has stuck with me - Mrs. Gilliam refers to herself now as "recovered", rather than "in recovery" (with its' implied lifelong meetings and steps). I like the term and may start considering myself recovered from now on.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars This book was a wake-up call for me!, May 4, 2000

By	Nicole Noel (Cape Cod, Massachusetts) - See all my reviews

This review is from: How Alcoholics Anonymous Failed Me : My Personal Journey to Sobriety Through Self-Empowerment (Paperback)

It was such a relief to me to find out that there are a LOT of other people out there who don't feel comfortable within the limited confines of the herd mentality of AA and other 12-step programs. I agree that parts of it are sloppily written and indeed whole chapters could have been removed or condensed. Certain chapters were very repetitive (the simplistic message of love, not fear ad nauseam), but it was the book's central idea that spoke to me. Ms. Gilliam, if nothing else, encourages her readers to question and to begin to think for themselves and trust their intuitions and instincts, and by doing so offers them a message of freedom and choice compared to the staunch, unyielding "suggestions" of 12-step groups. I realize now that there are many other avenues I can pursue in my search for COMPLETE recovery, and I intend to follow through on them. But it all started with this book. I recommend it highly for anyone who is sober in a 12-step program and wondering why they're still miserable. They'll find out by the end of the book, and even if they don't, they will at least give themselves permission to begin questioning, which is the real key to knowledge and understanding.