Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex (Hardcover)

~ Deborah Roffman (Author) "Some time ago, I was invited to teach a brand new sexuality program for fourth-graders at a nearby independent school..." (more)
Key Phrases: real developmental need, sexual minority youth, healthy sexual development, United States, Religious Right, President Clinton (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Is there any topic more controversial than the sexual education of our children? Parents worry about telling too much or not enough, schools are restricted in what they're allowed to discuss, and kids are filled with a combination of surprising misinformation and depressing detail on disease without ever having been taught about the possible benefits and enjoyment of feeling comfortable with their bodies. Deborah Roffman, a longtime teacher of sexual education for both children and adults, has assembled a thorough book that attempts to address moral and physical issues for every age. The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex is decidedly not for those whose sex speech begins and ends with "just say no." Roffman's take on sexual education is that it is a lifelong exploration that should encompass changing cultural values and an individual's personally evolving ethics as well as the practical facts of proper health care. Put plainly in one section's title, "sexuality is about people, not body parts." Including a discussion of gender roles and history, and appropriate levels of information for everyone from toddlers to teens, Roffman attempts to cover all the bases with a mix of theory, historical perspective, personal stories from her own classrooms and kids, and practice questions and situations that parents can eventually expect from their children. Breaking down this complicated subject, she identifies five core needs that all questions fall under: affirmation, information giving, values clarification, limit setting, and anticipatory guidance. This last category relates to parents' ultimate goal of making themselves "dispensable," secure in the knowledge that their children have been raised with all the information needed to make the right decisions for themselves--decisions that will result in a sexual health that blends their emotions, minds, and bodies with ultimate success. --Jill Lightner

From Library Journal

This highly intellectual primer will appeal to parents who want to know the theoretical as well as the practical "whys" and "hows" of talking to children about sex. Roffman, a certified sex educator for 30 years, addresses definitions of sex and discusses age appropriateness and values, "doing" vs. "being," gender, and family/school partnerships, relating them to young people's needs for affirmation, information, values, limits, and guidance. Her insights and tips are outstanding, e.g., when she discusses dealing with sex in the media and forming alliances with other parents. How to listen and how to present viewpoints to spark dialog, not conflict, are also well handled. Yet the intellectualism and writing style that will appeal to college-educated and "idea"-type parents make Roffman's message inaccessible to readers more accustomed to sound bites and the simple prose of consumer magazines. Also, more and longer examples of parent-child dialogs would have improved this guide's usefulness. Highly recommended, but also suggest Mary Calderone and James Ramey's still-valuable Talking with Your Child About Sex (o.p.), which is over half sample dialogs. Martha Cornog, Philadelphia
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1 edition (December 26, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738202932
• ISBN-13: 978-0738202938
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #436,177 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Important if you're a parent, February 27, 2002

By	Howard Bolling (White Hall, Md USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex (Paperback)

I saw Deborah Roffman speak before I read this book. When she told us that her students (she teaches at a local private school) call her "the sex lady," I wasn't surprised. When she explained some of today's kids' (we're talking kids, not even teens) attitudes about sex, sexuality, and sexual activity, I was very surprised.

I've always considered myself enlightened and pretty progressive, but when it comes to what our kids are thinking and doing, I felt like a Puritan. According to Ms. Roffman, the roles that we as a society thrust on our kids put them under an incredible amount of pressure about themselves, their sexuality, and their values.

This book is written just the way Ms. Roffman speaks -- frankly, straightforwardly, and plainly, with no holds barred. If you're the parent of a pre-teen or teen, or know a pre-teen or teen, you should put this book near the top of your must-read list.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Made a great gift for my parents, February 18, 2001

By A Customer

My sister and my mom have been having "sex talks" for a while, so I decided to get my mom this for Valentine's Day. Witty, honest, and, of course, sensible, Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex was a great book.

Sex and Sensibility was insightful and direct. It started by defining exactly what 'sex' is, and led on to other discussions--from 'gender' to 'sexual orientation'. Famous poet e e cummings once said that the most natural thing in the world is "a cat with a ball of wool." Let me tell you: a cat with a ball of wool is a graceless lump compared to Deborah. She's not afraid to confront the issues that America's public school sex ed teachers aren't allowed to talk about.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Good ideas and stories but too wandering and disorganized, February 11, 2007

By	Chris Redford (Lawrence, KS United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex (Paperback)

I have to admit I was a little disappointed with this book. The idea is revolutionary and necessary in modern society: a generation of parents who genuinely talk to their children about sex and maintain an open and reasonable dialogue throughout their child's life.

Roffman does a good job of arguing for why we need this. What she does not do well, in my opinion, is get to the point: just how are we to instill these dialogues into our relationships with our children? After pages of being told how important it is, I was frustrated not to find how she recommends going about it. So I skipped around. However, due to the poor organization of her book, I had no idea where to skip to. I left it back at the library I got it from with only a vague idea of how she recommended I speak to my child.

Don't get me wrong: her stories are good and there a few I feel glad knowing. But she simply does not get to the point soon enough. The path of her narrative is wandering and her direction at times unclear. I simply could not sit through it long enough to give her a chance to get. to. the. point.

After some disappointment and some searching, I found a book that *does* get to the point:

-Everything you NEVER wanted your kids to know about SEX (but were afraid they'd ask)-
by Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster

While Roffman has the advantage of many first-hand discussions with parents children, Richardson and Schuster have the advantage of not only that but also enlightening statistical, psychological, and sociological research. Not to mention a much more straight-forward writing style.

I applaud Roffman's efforts on a difficult topic. But this simply is not the book to read. I wish she would organize her personal stories so I could find the ones on topics I'm interested in and assimilate them. But unfortunately, I do not have time to dig through all of them to find the ones I feel are relevant.