Parenting by Heart: How to Stay Connected to Your Child in a Disconnected World (Paperback)

by Ron Taffel (Author), Melinda Blau (Author), Ph.D. Ron Taffel (Author), Melinda Blau (Author) "If you were a kid raised on "Father Knows Best" or "The Brady Bunch," you may have had a startling realization when you became a..." (more)
Key Phrases: empathic envelope, worry dance, same old dance, Parent Chum, Parent Protector, Parent Realist (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
Based around a long-standing series of parenting workshops, Parenting by Heart aims to debunk the most common--and damaging--myths of parenthood and replace them with a flexible set of solutions that can be easily adapted to different situations. Author Ron Taffel offers a variety of innovative ideas that can change frustrating experiences for the better while relieving parents of much of the guilt we carry.

The book is based on short chapters that blow away our standard myths about "in-charge parents," "over-involved mothers and under-involved fathers," and consistently reliable methods of discipline. Rather than simply contradicting them, Taffel explains how these ideas developed and how they can be changed for the better. He describes the important roles of "Parent Protector," "Parent Chum," and "Parent Realist" and outlines the different ages that require different styles of parenting. The book is full of lively examples and basic concepts, so you'll have plenty of new ideas to replace the tired myths.

Whether Taffel is elaborating on the idea that no good discipline method is effective for more than a few days or reminiscing about bribing his daughter with cookies, the points raised in his work are refreshing and reassuring. This is one parenting book that works equally well for teens and toddlers. --Jill Lightner

Review
"This book stands out from the crowd." -- -Parenting Magazine

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Product Details

• Paperback: 252 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; Revised edition (January 8, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738205990
• ISBN-13: 978-0738205991
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #763,250 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A bag of answers to common parenting questions, March 12, 2006

By	Gene Zafrin (Sleepy Hollow, NY) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This heartfelt book about parenting is composed of chapters debunking some common parenting myths, such as the myth of parents being always in charge or that your relationship with your child should only be about the child. The material does not feel "groundbreaking", perhaps because it is not based on any latest research, but rather on the author's many years of family and child practice. And yet, some of the points resonated with me and sounded like something I could use in my own parenting. For example, Taffel points out that often most memorable connection takes place during the most ordinary activities. Indeed, sharing a household activity may present better opportunities for a good conversation than sitting your child in front of you and lecturing him.

The book introduces three parenting styles that are roughly appropriate for three age groups: parent-protector (for 5-9 year olds), parent-chum (9-12) and parent-realist (13-16). These categories sound a bit programmatic, but the book does point out that at any time you may have to wear different hats with the same kid. Even though this categorization is arguable, it provides a useful framework for further discussion.

One suggestion is repeated throughout the book: staying involved with your children. Whether it is by creating boundaries for the acceptable behavior or just playing with your kid, the author is convinced that being connected with what's going on in your kid's life is a fundamental parenting principle. In today's busy world, it is not a trivial undertaking.

The book has a definite therapeutic bent: almost every page is devoted to a technique of dealing with something that went wrong. It reads almost like a compilation of case studies. It does not deal with such questions as "What do I want from my parenting, for myself and for my child?" or "What kind of child do I want to raise?" But it does give some good advice to those wondering "If my child is not talking with me what could I do?" or "If my child did something wrong should I punish him, and if yes - how?" The book has enough specific suggestions for a variety of situations to be of interest to many parents.

5.0 out of 5 stars Realistic, practical, and uplifting, June 4, 2009

By	M. Lam "Serenity" - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is one of the best parenting books I've read. The views expressed are balanced and realistic. It also emphasizes the tween and teen years. Don't be misled by the title. It is not a book about attaching to your children. The book does an excellent job of discussing when to let go, when to accept your children and when to stay connected and protect them.