What Would Betty Do? How to Succeed at the Expense of Others in This World--and the Next (Paperback)

by Paul Bradley (Author) "As I emerged from a lovely Terme di Montecatini bath, I quickly covered myself with a bathrobe..." (more)
Key Phrases: betty bowers, bringing integrity, christian advice, Landover Baptist, Holy Ghost, Personal Savior (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
If you've ever wondered whether you're going to hell, Betty Bowers has an answer for you--and it is a soft, self-satisfied "Yes." What Would Betty Do?, a satire of self-righteousness, collects the ravings of "America's Best Christian," a creation of the writer Paul A. Bradley. The book is organized as a send-up of Christian advice manuals, including sections on Bible study, sex, fashion, and social justice ("The Poor Will Always Be with Us, So We Needn't Break a Heel Rushing to Help Them"). Betty is at her best with snappy one-liners (such as "So close to Jesus, He validates my parking," and "If God created me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment") and wicked acronyms ("B.A.S.H." is an ex-gay ministry: "Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals"). Betty nails the target of fundamentalist hubris with aplomb, but as the book goes on and the same jokes appear again and again, satire also verges into sneering. --Michael Joseph Gross

Product Description

Betty Bowers is a better Christian than you!

In a world of reflected glory and shameless name-dropping, no one can touch America's most puritanical pundit, Betty Bowers. Betty is so close to Jesus, He's given her His loaves and fish recipe. And only Betty knows how many shopping days there are until the Apocalypse. As she is fond of saying: "If God created me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!"

In Prada and in prayer, Betty has devoted her life to bringing people the Good News: They are going straight to Hell. Thousands have aspired to emulate her joie d'apres vivre by logging on to her popular website, bettybowers.com. But only now, with What Would Betty Do? does she finally reveal her spiritual survival secrets. You'll discover how, come Judgment Day, to be whisked through the 10 Sins or Less express line. But first, you will have to learn how to vote (for God's Own Party, the Republicans), whom to hate (Lie-berals and other non-Baptists), and what to throw (a soirée -- and then a few stones!). "After all," warns Betty, "if Heaven is just going to involve running into all the people you avoided on Earth, what would be the point?"

Unchic? Unsaved? Wavering faith? Wandering hands? A pair of $650 Manolo Blahnik pumps that won't go with anything? No problem! Just ask yourself -- What would Betty do?

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Fireside; illustrated edition edition (February 26, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743216016
• ISBN-13: 978-0743216012
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 7.7 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars See all reviews (35 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #612,632 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

79 of 83 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Satire at its best., May 16, 2002

By	Tim Hundsdorfer (Boulder, CO United States) - See all my reviews

Having been raised evangelical (but later recovered), I was really, really happy to find someone else that recognizes the humor in fundamentalist Christian ideology. Bradley is an excellent satirist, recognizing the absurd, but also having a thorough knowledge of the subject matter.

At its best, WWBD attacks the scripture, analyzing precisely what makes nonsense of fundamentalist scripture quotation. Betty's advocacy of stoning recalcitrant children and discussion of the one unforgivable sin (insulting the Holy Ghost) put the fundamental error in fundamentalism. Recurring references to "God's Own Party" and "Demoncrats" underscores why when the freepers come across WWBD it's rating will, no doubt, go down drastically.

Clearly, the blasphemous nature of much of WWBD makes it a book that is not for everyone. Further, much of the material in the book is available at the website (and some of what is on the website is not available in the book.) However, there is something comforting for those of us that grew up under the heavy hand of evangelical Christianity to know that we are not alone in our epiphany of fundamentalist Christianity's failed logic, self-contradiction and selective perception.

This is a good book to shock your religious friends and relatives. There are also a few belly-laughs.

57 of 60 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Take care if you are a Christian, November 12, 2002

By	C. J. Langdon "clangdon7" (scotland) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I found this book to be compulsive and very enjoyable. It is depressingly astute for those who have been brought up in a Evangelical denomination and who must now grow up and realise the often times dreadful failings of such a dogma.

I am such a person. As a result I squirmed as much as I laughed.
I discuss the book with people I know, who still practice this denomination and shudder with embarrassment at the admonition that "Don't you know the guy who wrote this book is a Homasexyule."

My answer, that the observations are no less insightful into some of the worst excesses of contemporary Christians, usually means I must duck the ensuing verbal onslaught

Evangelical Christianity from the time of the restoration in about 1952 has claimed to be the flag waving vanguard of the faith, holding back the liberal barbarian at the gate. Since Arthur Wallace launched this brand of Christianity, those who follow tie themselves in knots inventing endless justifications of why they have it right.

If we analyse the previous one thousand nine hundred and fifty years to any great extent we realise that most of the trappings and expression of the Evangelical/Charismatic/Pentecostal faith are
1 Cultural
2 Social norms of right wing, capitalist, conservative politics...

Although I laughed at this book, I did not laugh much, because of the pain of battering my head off a wall.

So a word to all you born againees out there. Take care about reading this book. It may open your eyes to what is only one narrow and often unpleasant aspect of Christianity (the one that has endorsed a lot of war and mayhem). You may end up feeling like Homer Simpson on a bad day.

72 of 78 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Betty's book is the best thing since sliced hosts!, March 6, 2002

By	Miss Poppy Dixon "Miss Poppy" (Hollywood, California) - See all my reviews

If America's Best Christian Betty Bowers did not exist it would be necessary to invent her.

As the final arbiter of all things Christian Rite, Betty Bowers stands as a role model for all the sour and snobby Christian women that can only wish one day to be her. To aid them in their albeit feckless quest the generous Betty Bowers has published a how-to book, "What Would Betty Do? How to Succeed at the Expense of Others in This World and the Next."

For those thinking persons who find the current turn-of-the-century pretensions of Christian piety, prudery, and pandering, as onerous as they are misled, Betty Bowers offers humor - the only real weapon against absurdity. Betty takes Christian virtue to its logical end, something the Christian Rite would never be accused of approaching: logic, or ends.

With the personal style of a Coco Chanel, the stinging observations of a Dorothy Parker, and the genuine hilarity of a David Sedaris, Betty bridges the gulf for those alienated by Christianity, whether voluntarily, or not.

Consider Betty's many charitable efforts, catalogued only to inspire: BITCH (Bringing Integrity to Christian Homemakers), BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals), SLUTS (Saving Love Until the Sacrament), her Christian Crack Whore Ministry ("Every knee shall bow&"), and many more - all profitable Fortune 500 corporations. The only time Betty would ever be seen with one of those women on religious television grubbing for money with mascara running down her face would be if they were drying out at one of her many halfway houses.

For the nouveau Christian Betty offers fashion advice - what a good Christian wears to a lunch date with Hillary Clinton, an execution, or the bombing of an abortion clinic - certainly nothing from a "cardigan collection with an overbearing knit for each bank holiday."

Betty's interviews with the rich and dubiously famous - Laura Bush, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Diane Sawyer, and rapper Eminem - had me laughing harder than sister-in-Christ Dyan Cannon at the Toronto Blessing.

Buy the book. Buy two!