Breathe: A Guy's Guide to Pregnancy (Paperback)

~ Mason Brown (Author), Joe Oesterle (Illustrator) "Unlike marriage, fatherhood is not something to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly..." (more)
Key Phrases: Prince Albert, Wilshire Blvd, Jerry Springer Show

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Finally, a book for guys that solves the riddles of pregnancy.

Do you think that newborn babies can eat Doritos? That they can't scream very loudly since they just have tiny little baby lungs? That you will still be able to golf on weekends after your baby is born?

If so, you need this book!

Breathe takes guys misstep-by-misstep through the stages of pregnancy and the early days of childhood. Considered by many to be the unofficial pregnancy handbook of the NBA, Breathe is filled with useful tips such as these:

Brown's First Law of Conception: The odds of conception are inversely proportional to its desirability. High school virgins experimenting behind bleachers are guaranteed to get pregnant; financially secure married men hoping for children are doomed to spend their weekends in fertility clinics masturbating into cups.

Picking a doctor: Never use a gynecologist whose Medical School Diploma has palm trees on the side.

Pre-Natal Music: Mozart, yes. Wagner, No!

Common Concerns: If your baby is born with dark hair that covers its head, back, neck, temples and forehead, don't panic. This is perfectly normal. It just means your baby was born Italian.

Child experts from all over the world agree -- if you're a first time father, drop your baby and pick up this book!

About the Author

Mason Brown is a managing editor at NationalLampoon.com. He is also the author of the bestselling business humor book Who Cut the Cheese? He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, his three-year-old son, "the boy,"and a one-year-old daughter, "the girl."

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Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster; Original edition (February 5, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743219708
• ISBN-13: 978-0743219709
• Product Dimensions: 7.3 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #430,596 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious, a work of comic genius, April 3, 2003

By	Irv Fisher (Potomac, MD USA) - See all my reviews

As the author of another pregnancy book for men, "My Boys Can Swim," I'm always curious when new books in this genre come out. I picked this one up, and I must say that I laughed and laughed, and then laughed some more at the material in this book. It is well written and just plain fun to read. Plaudits to the illustrator as well, who was equally as funny and creative.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars hilarious, February 22, 2002

By A Customer

a funny laugh out loud book that is in no way helpful to the expectant father or mother, but it's not supposed to be. it's a gag filled, witty little telling about the pitfals of pregnancy when you're the guy-no helpful hints, no useful mantras which is what makes this book unique. Instead of going for the deepak chopra, new age metaphysical spin to fatherhood and pregnancy this books takes the unique, twisted, SNL-the great years, Second City approach. A great gift for any expectant dad!!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars For people with a sense of humor, this is a great book..., June 6, 2004

By A Customer

I found this book hilarious. I read some of the other reviews, and frankly found them to miss the point entirely. It's as if they went to see "Edward Scissorhands" and complained about it because it was too much of a fairytale and didn't address the realities of adoption!

I also find it short-sighted for someone to say this book is full of locker room humor. Clearly, these folks didn't actually read the book. Very little of what is in it could be found in a locker room. However, I can see how people without a sense of humor might be confused. This is no "oh, aren't babies cute, let's learn how they work" kind of book. It's more "damn, babies are hard to raise, but this stuff is funny because I was thinking exactly that".

The bottom line is, if you've had a child and you're a man, you'll enjoy this book. To me, it's more Lewis Black than Adam Corolla, if that helps anyone.

If you're looking for a book that will actually teach you important things about pregnancy, this is probably not your book. If you're looking for something to read when you can't sleep and it's your wife's turn to feed the baby at 3 a.m., then this is your book.