You Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother: How to Help Your Daughter Learn to Love Her Body and Herself (Hardcover)

by Stephanie Pierson (Author), Phyllis Cohen (Author) "THERE ARE FEW CORE QUESTIONS all mothers have: Why is my daughter so focused on her body?..." (more)
Key Phrases: body image issues, body image problems, tongue stud, Daddy's Little Girl, New York, The Critical Mother (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
A therapist and a mom have written a wise book for mothers of teenage girls who spend half of their time in front on a mirror and the other half fighting with them about what they see. The authors' fresh approach urges moms to "think of fat as an emotion." A daughter’s belly shirts, body critiques, and food quirks are the vocabulary to talk about what is really bothering her: she’s aware of who she isn’t (razor thin and model perfect), but hasn’t figured out who she is. Stephanie Pierson and Phyllis Cohen’s techniques for teaching body comfort are subtle and highly practical. For example, how to give your daughter a compliment, help her understand sexuality, distinguish between taking her body apart and knowing what looks best on her, and, on the lighter side, what to say if you never want her to talk to you again. The beauty of their approach is a two-way mirror, they also ask mothers to explore their own feelings about beauty and body. The book’s depth, humor, and guidance will attract many grateful readers. --Barbara Mackoff

From Publishers Weekly
Pierson, the mother of a teenage daughter whose "self-esteem was based on the circumference of her thighs," and Cohen, a psychotherapist specializing in adolescents, team up to write this encouraging and practical "road map" for mothers whose daughters struggle with body issues. They carefully outline how mothers and daughters can improve communication, and help mothers understand that their own feelings-about food, their bodies, sex, etc.-play the primary role in how daughters perceive these same things. In chapters covering the basics of body image, mother-daughter and father-daughter relationships, the "care and feeding" of adolescent girls, and sex, Pierson and Cohen show how girls use their bodies as the "vocabulary for their emotions" (when a girl says she feels fat, she's talking about her feelings, not her need to go on a diet); how proper boundaries are crucial; how statements that mean well can make things worse ("You'd be so much prettier if your hair wasn't in your eyes"); how daughters test fathers; how to encourage proper nutrition and recognize "disordered eating"; and how mothers can empower their daughters to explore their sexuality but still feel comfortable saying no. This is a caring, clearly-even simply-written volume that will undoubtedly help mothers understand the kinds of pressures their daughters feel, and enable them to face the tough adolescent years as allies rather than adversaries.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster (April 22, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743229185
• ISBN-13: 978-0743229180
• Product Dimensions: 9.6 x 6.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #714,511 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for Moms, April 29, 2003

By A Customer

This is a thoughtful and provocative book about mothering daughters. A must read for every woman with a teen age or pre-teen daughter, it lends insight into womanhood as well as the adolescent female experience and does this with a sense of humor and great warmth.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful resource for parents of daughters, November 19, 2003

By	MyParenTime.com "myparentimesfamily" (USA) - See all my reviews

Having once been a teenage girl, and now the mother of a little girl, I know that daughters strive deeply for their parents' approval. Everything a parent says to their daughter will affect her in one way or another. The book, "You Don't Have to Say I'm Pretty, You're My Mother," by Stephanie Pierson and Phyllis Cohen, CSW, describes for both parents how their responses directly affect their daughter's self and body image.

Some may think that the mother is the only one who has the job of making sure her daughter feels good about who she is and how she looks. After reading this book you'll understand that the father shares this responsibility. Every action, every reaction, and every spoken word parents say to their daughter, makes her who she is. Daughters seek approval from both parents, not just their mother.

Readers will learn what to say, what not to say, and how to say it. In addition, the books lists and discusses the potential problems that could arise during a daughter's teenage years.

MyParenTime.com highly recommends this book -- it's an easy way for parents to learn how to help their daughters develop a positive self and body image. What a wonderful resource for parents of daughters!

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Possibly more valuable for fathers than mothers, September 12, 2003

By	Scott Blake (Mountain View, CA United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I recommend this book to any parent who has a teenage daughter. It's especially valuable to me as a father because it gives me the viewpoint of the mother and presents the side of the daughter. If you have a close relationship to a teenage girl and aren't one, don't pass up this book.