Living Alone and Loving It: A Guide to Relishing the Solo Life (Paperback)

by Barbara Feldon (Author) "It is Saturday morning in Manhattan..." (more)
Key Phrases: New York, Machu Picchu, Storm Pages

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal
This breezy memoir chronicles how actress Feldon (Agent 99 from Get Smart) found herself alone after a divorce and the end of other serious relationships. Beginning to despair of ever finding happiness, she came to understand that she could be perfectly-even radiantly-happy living alone. (Indeed, she sometimes sounds a bit desperate as she hammers home her theme.) Astute and optimistic, she notes the problems inherent in regarding "single status as inferior to being married" and advocates consciously embracing the solo life so as to live life on one's own terms. Her wise words (e.g., "Stop believing that marriage is the solution to loneliness") will be useful to anyone, single or otherwise. For public libraries and the night stand, along with Wendy Burt and Erin Kindberg's lighthearted and upbeat Oh, Solo Mia!: The Hip Chick's Guide to Fun for One.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review
Debbie Fordauthor of Spiritual DivorceA delightful read and a practical step-by-step guide to creating your own happiness. -- Review

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Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Fireside (December 10, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743235177
• ISBN-13: 978-0743235174
• Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 4.9 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #84,942 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

60 of 62 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A gem of a book, March 8, 2003

By	Abra Carroll Nardo (Raleigh, NC) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

While the title of this book belittles its depth, I'm glad it was titled so simply. I am going through a divorce right now and living alone for the first time in my life. I'm trying to learn to live alone, so I have been drawn to self-help books on the topic. I went in wanting a self-help book, but this is much better. I didn't know what I needed. This book was it. Beautiful writing, practical suggestions, personal experiences and metaphors that really made me think - It's all here.

This book is a celebration of living alone. It doesn't tell you how to bide your time while you wait for a new relationship to come along. It describes the very profound personal experiences of someone who has lived alone for a long time and is good at it. Reading it has made me feel lucky to have so much time to fill myself without the needs of another to consider. I probably will eventually meet someone else, and that is OK. But I know that for as long as I don't, I will be able to relish living alone as a perfectly wonderful (heck - almost better) option.

Living alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. There's an attitude shift that can occur that can make it possible to feel interconnected with everyone who passes through our lives. After reading this book, I want to take that time to learn the banjo, write songs, and travel alone to Peru. I have also come to appreciate that although I am not in a relationship right now, nor am I ready to be in one, I can appreciate the male (and female) relationships I have in my life in a new way.

As an added bonus, Barbara Feldon write beautifully. "When we live alone time and freedom are at the service of our muse in a way that artists in a relationship might envy." Gems like this are woven throughout, along with well-chosen quotes from other authors. I like the ones by Rilke best.

I recommend this book unreservedly to anyone looking to find pleasure in solitude, meaning in life, a feeling of interconnectedness with the world, and themselves.

36 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Widower to Barbara, January 16, 2003

By	John A Gallagher (Ontario, Canada) - See all my reviews

Loved the book because it was so helpful to me personally. I lost my wife to brain cancer 2 1/2 years ago and was having difficult time making it alone.The biggest help to me was the chapter on "Creativity is the quickest route to our truest selves."

For months now, I suppose like other grievors, maybe men more than women, I was always searching for another "partner" but of course no one could equal the woman I lost.

While in Vancouver over Christmas, I found this book, read it in one night, and my life has changed for the better.

Well, I wish Barbara could know how much help she has given to me,
and I wish she had put her e-mail address in the book so I could tell her simply that.

43 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I read it in one sitting!, January 19, 2004

By	Diane Moore - See all my reviews

The author of this book, Barbara Feldon, was once on the series Get Smart, as the spy "99." She has been through a divorce and even though she started out nervous and felt lonely, she was able to live alone and finally appreciate it.

I was attracted to this book. I am always drawn to the books that emphasize how being "single" or "alone" is not a scary thing. In today's society, from friends or family, you are constantly pushed to be with another person, to get married or have kids. Even though this is everyone's right, it isn't the answer for everyone.

I was expecting a guided list of how to live alone and love it. This was not what was within the book. It was full of wisdom and life lessons. On some parts, I felt as though she were reading my mind what I was never able to verbalize.

She writes: "Living alone gives us the freedom to nourish the things we love wihtout the constraints of a partner's timetable or his or her conflicting desires." This is not to say that we can't fulfill our hobbies or our dreams with someone else there. I think the problem is that we become distracted with taking care of this other person, like having a constant guest in our home. When you live alone, there seems to be more time to get to know yourself and what you love.

This is not a "don't get involved with others in a romantic way." It's quite the contrary. Some people are deeply fulfilled by another person sharing their life, and others have too much they want to fulfill on their own. She writes. "...a love life is not a need like food and air, it's a desire. If we don't eat or breathe, we die; we don't die from unsatisfied passion. Having to set aside romance from time to time is only tormenting if we choose to view it that way."

I loved this passage. "I learned that there are ways to experience romance outside of sexual possession. I had savored for the first time what the sixteenth-century essayist Montaigne called 'passionate friendship': one that is deeply loving, unconditional, and heightened to the level of poetry. We delighted in each other's company, expressed ourselves freely, and brought out the best in each other. Not all conventional relationships call make those claims. There were so many delights that the lack of a sexual component wasn't felt as a deficit." I have experienced this very thing, but I couldn't describe it. There are more ways to connect than just with one person. We connect with people all of the time, but sometimes, we are too busy to notice, or don't put our finger on it why it felt so good to have a passing conversation with a stranger or acquaintance. You will never be lonely if you don't put yourself out there. (Spoken from a true introvert, who also tends to be shy as well.)

Does this mean that I won't couple up? No, I have a boyfriend. Does this mean that I would never get married? No, not exactly. What does this mean? The significance for me is that someone echoes my true feelings about being single. It's not evil, it's not lonely, it's just something that is easier to handle when you are comfortable and love yourself. It also gives you more time to travel around the world which I hope to do someday. If I find myself single again, I hope that I take advantage of all the things single life offered me.