Suddenly Southern: A Yankee's Guide to Living in Dixie (Paperback)

~ (Author), Gary Hallgren (Illustrator) "When your husband says, "Honey, ever been South?," be afraid-be very afraid..." (more)
Key Phrases: country ham, deviled eggs, sweet tea, Civil War, Famous Natives, State Bird (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Moving South? Feeling a little out of place? Craving pizza from home and faking a passion for sweet tea? Not generating much Southern hospitality? Wondering if you'll ever fit in?

Well, honey, here's your complete guide to living in Dixie, providing migrating Yanks with tips on living, eating, greeting, driving, walking, talking, and what food to bring to a funeral. From his 'n' her Southern Hair Dos (and Don'ts) to The A to Z Dixie Dictionary, Suddenly Southern includes everything you need to know about living south of the Mason-Dixon Line, including:

Recipes that range from mint juleps and hoppin' john to recipes for disaster

"Know Your Bugs by Their Mugs," a handy identification chart

10 ways to say, "Now that's ugly" in Dixie

How to walk from the store to the car without dying, a Fun-in-the-Sun Survival Kit

100 Southern Things Worth the Trip

From Southern tailgate food (deviled eggs and cheese straws) to minding your BBQs, from pronouncing pecan to knowing when your cat's a true Southerner, from knowing when you're fittin' in to knowing when you're not, this is the ideal guide for anyone moving, planning a move, or just plain ol' interested in this fascinating American region. With this book on your shelf, they'll never be able to say "Yankee, go home" again.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 3: Easy for You to Say

You know that feeling you get when you first step on the tarmac in a foreign country? Part awe, part "What did I get myself into?" You get the same feeling when you move from north to south. You should have to clear customs. And in a manner of speaking, you do just that. At least there's no foreign language to master. But it helps to speak Southern to get along in the South. And all it takes is practice. Start by familiarizing yourself with the greetings.

Snappy Southern Greetings

Yankees don't take it personally when someone on the bus doesn't say hello to them. In fact, we prefer your silence. Southerners, on the other hand, make a living of being friendly and would never pass someone on the street without engaging him in conversation. These snappy Southern greetings may take a little getting used to:

"Ya'll ain't from around here, are ya?" (Like "Aloha," this is used interchangeably to say hello and good-bye.)

"Y'all ain't from around here, are ya?" is basically a rhetorical question. They know you ain't. Sometimes Southerners just want to have some fun with you. Pay attention to tone. This greeting can be hearty and playful or about as friendly as a doberman pinscher greeting you at the gate. You'll know it when you hear it.

"You sound like the Nanny!"

Brooklyn, Chicago, Philadelphia: These accents all sounds the same to Southerners. Before you go home and wash your mouth out with soap, remind yourself that The Nanny made millions on her bad accent. What's stopping you?

"You're from New York, aren't ya?"

This greeting is not about your accent; it's about your attitude. If you tend to speak without being spoken to or -- gasp -- skip the pleasantries and get right down to business, you're considered pushy, so probably a New Yorker. And your fifteen minutes of fame are up.

Southerners do have some greetings that don't nail down your place of birth.

"Hi, y'all." (pronounced with three syllables)

Politically correct, proper, and friendly, "hi, y'all" has it all. It's equally at home at a governor's ball and a pig pickin'.

"Hey." (pronounced with two syllables)

Even some Southerners find "hi y'all" a little too, well, Southern.

Yankees find it much easier to understand Southerners when they learn to listen to what is not being said. For Southerners, minding your manners trumps telling the truth. "Tell it like it is" is not a badge of honor down here. Since Southerners don't always mean what they say, and don't always say what they mean, beginning listeners tend to lose some things in the translation.

Top Ten Southern-Fried Expressions

1. Fuller than a tick on a ten-year-old dog (nice way to end ameal)

2. Hotter than a goat's butt in a pepper patch (so much more original than "Hot enough for ya?")

3. Too lazy to yell "sueee" in a pigpen (said of Yankees, employees, or sons-in-law)

4. Nervous as a pig in a packing plant

5. Like trying to nail jelly to the wall (something that's hard to do)

6. Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then (everybody gets lucky).

7. If she gets to heaven she'll ask to see the upstairs (there's no pleasing her).

8. He wouldn't go to a funeral unless he could be the corpse (he's conceited).

9. It's so hot, the trees are bribing the rain (I have no idea what this means).

10. Scarce as hen's teeth

Ten Ways to Say "Now That's Ugly" in Dixie

1. Uglier than homemade soup (alternate: uglier than homemade soap).

2. He's so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.

3. Ugly as a mud fence in a rainstorm.

4. So ugly she'd run a dog off a meat wagon.

5. Give me a fly flapper, and I'll help you kill it.

6. Looks like she's been hit in the face with a bag full of nickels.

7. He's so ugly he has to slap himself to sleep.

8. She's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

9. He's so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him.

10. He looks like something the cat drug in and the dog wouldn't eat.

Southern Parts of Speech

Traditional grammar teaches us eight parts of speech: nouns, verbs, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, interjections, conjunctions, and prepositions. But Southerners would be lost without one more: palliatives. When Southerners want to contradict, take a shot at someone, or strongly disagree, they always open with a palliative or a piece of humble pie. Of course, their manner will stay soft and gentle, but when clause 1 starts with a maybe, clause 2 will always pack a punch.

• Am I wrong in thinking...(we should fire the whole staff)?
• I may be mistaken, but...(I think that's the worst hairdo I've ever seen).
• I'm not sure, but I believe...(these people against the president are uncivilized and anti-America).
• I should think...(anyone with even a basic understanding of history would know we actually won the war).

May I Help You?

Whether you're at the makeup counter or the home improvement store, you can expect service with a smile. No matter how bad the news. Southerners tend to smile broadest when they can't help you. When they don't have what you're looking for, the answer is "We surely don't," followed by a big smile. When you ask, "Do you know where I can get..." the answer more often than not is "I surely don't" followed by another giant grin.

The A to Z Guide for Building Your Vocabulary or, The Dixie Dictionary (Abridged)

All y'all Plural for you; All y'alls -- plural possessive

Usage We're awful sorry that all y'all are without power six days after the ice storm.

We're awful sorry that all y'alls electricity has been out for six weeks now.

(Approved by 90 percent of the Usage Panel; approved by only 3 percent of the people stuck without power)

Butterbeans, boiled peanuts, or buttermilk biscuits

Don't ask a Southerner to choose a favorite food that begins with b.

Usage Pass the b ___s, please.

Christian In addition to God-fearing, "Christian" is used to describe a person who abstains from alcohol.

Usage "Open bar? Why, no, dear. We're Christian." Also used in marketing to sell products. See the Yellow Pages for the Christian nearest you.

Dadgumit Socially acceptable expletive; "damn" in other languages.

Usage (Note: No need to watch your grammar when you're all fired up):

"Them Yankees is moving down here in droves, dadgumit."

Or if you're really steamed:

"Dadgum! Mama done ate the last dadgum jar of dadgum pear preserves, dadgumit."

Everwhichaway Hard to pinpoint location, may explain poor planning of the roads.

Usage "Oh, the Inner/Outer Beltline isn't north, south, east, or west, it goes everwhichaway." Or "I dropped a bag o' boiled peanuts, and they went everwhichaway."

Fixin' What you're going to do: derivative of fix -- what you're doing.

Usage "We're fixin' to come over in about twenty minutes." (If this is your builder speaking, he's lying. He's fixin' to leave town.)

Compare to fix:

"I'll fix dinner directly" (directly is a unit of time).

Combined Usage: "I'm fixin' to fix this here roof by tomorrow."

Grits World's eighth wonder. Ground corn meets religion when you see how much Southerners worship this mushy delicacy served 24/7. (Think Quaker Oatmeal on corn.)

Usage With butter at breakfast, with cheese at dinner, sliced and fried for leftovers

Hadn't ought Should not. Not to be confused with the multiple modal "might ought."

Usage "You hadn't ought to bother your sister like that." "You might ought give me a rest, dadgumit."

Ill A state of mild irritation for Southerners.

Usage "That Beverly Hillbillies reality show, it makes me right ill."

June bugs Giant, gross-looking beetles that bang against the screen door in the spring looking to come in.

Usage Damaging lawns and scaring adults. Getting one tangled in your hair is reason to "go to pieces."

Kudzu A.k.a. "the vine that ate the South," "mile-a-minute vine," "foot-a-night vine" -- you get the idea: It's green and it's out of control.

Usage Fry and eat (make a quiche), arts and crafts (make a basket), homeopathic meds (make a cure).

Laying up Loafing, doing nothing.

Usage "He's laying up till the big game on Saturday" (big game = college football).

Marshal Escort for the debutante at her ball.

Usage Two marshals per deb; marshal #1 gives his left arm, marshal #2 supports her left elbow for an easy glide into society.

Nabs Peanut butter crackers. The real Nabs (Nabisco's 1928 peanut sandwich packet) have been long gone, but don't tell that to the current generation of Southerners who insist they grew up on them. Southerners never forget their first Nab.

Usage Nabs and a Co'Cola (the small bottle, of course) perfect for a trip down memory lane: the snack reward at the end of tobacco row; in the brown-bag lunch Mama packed; while operating heavy machinery.

Ought Used instead of should, in combination with should, or paired with just about anything for emphasis, for example: shouldn't ought, might ought, ought to could. See "hadn't ought."

Usage "I ought to go now. I shouldn't ought to stay this late on a school night."

Pig Pickin' A whole pig is slow-roasted over an open pit, and guests gather round and serve themselves, that is, pick the pig. Now, there's a party! Add some sides -- coleslaw, hush puppies, baked beans, sweet tea, and banana pudding -- and Southerners are happy as a pig in, uh, pick.

Usage "The senator will be at Saturday's pig pickin' if he knows what's good for him."

Quilt As with all things quaint, Southerners think they invented quilts. And Grandmaw's patchwork would make a believer out of anyone.

RC Cola The cola of...

Product Details

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Fireside; Original edition (July 6, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743254953
• ISBN-13: 978-0743254953
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #114,982 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars So Maureen's still bitter, eh?..., June 20, 2007

By	swvaguy - See all my reviews

Ah Maureen, I see she's still got the venom flowing, bless her heart...

I remember Maureen well from her days in Raleigh, or H-E-double hockey sticks, as she liked to call it. She became semi-famous for her column criticizing everything southern after she had to move to Raleigh, NC because of her husband's job transfer. For a woman who prided herself on her hyphenated last name & feminist stance, I think it was a bitter pill to swallow.

Of course her editor loved all the responses that flowed in following virtually all of her columns, which were nearly always condescendingly critical of the South in general, and Raleigh in particular. Ms Maureen never bothered to look around with an un-jaundiced (is that a word?) eye long enough to attempt an embrace of her new environment. Need an example? She insisted on returning to Filthydelphia...ERR... Philadelphia to have her hair styled, since 'they just don't understand how to do it down here'.

I could go on providing background as to why this is only yet another condescending slam on all habits Southern pretending to be a 'gently humorous look at the South', but there's enough info provided here already as proof.

Need verification? What other book puts such a huge amount of its' content out for people to 'pre-read' before buying? No, this is like one of those sophomoric comedic movies targeted at the 15-25 yr old male audience, the ones where all the 'funny' stuff is contained in the trailers, you know? Only this targets the folks who live in the North and think everybody in the South either lives in a tar-paper shack or on a plantation.

Northerners who either have never visited the South or who think 'The Beverly Hillbillies' and 'The Dukes of Hazzard' represent Southerners accurately should love this book. No one else will. It's interesting that so many of Maureen's neighbors in North Raleigh found both Raleigh, and North Carolina to be wonderful places to live, and embraced the locals' customs and idiosyncracies. Maureen never bothered with that, instead voicing her complaints about the lack of availability of the regional foods of Philadelphia while disparaging the regional foods of central NC & criticizing people for being 'slow' and 'falsely gracious'. Based on Maureen's hypercritical style, I can perhaps understand why someone meeting her would feel 'forced' to act friendly.

Personally, I found it a waste of paper, and am disappointed any trees had to be sacrificed for her vindictiveness. I don't know if Maureen is happy back in Pa., but I do pity her for wasting the several years she spent in Raleigh and for not having the ability nor desire to objectively view anything outside of her personal cocoon.

14 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars North Carolina Isn't the Whole South, "To Konprann"?, December 8, 2005

By	Herself (Austin, TX right now) - See all my reviews

While I recognized some of the culture, language and customs in this book, being from Louisiana, I was surprised at how different many customs are from those I grew up with. (I know it's not grammatically correct to end a sentence with a preposition, but I'm just talking here, ok?) This book included some very funny stuff I'd never heard, but it did sort of wear me slick after a while. Perhaps it's because the South is not homogenous, any more than the Northeast is. Imagine grouping people from rural Pennsylvania and New York City together--see how silly that is?

Well, it's like that in the South. There are some commonalities that will make someone Southern, but this writer, like most others, assumes that their own singular Southern experience constitutes the WHOLE of Southern life. I just wish these writers would confine their assessments to the locales they experienced, know what I mean?

Being from Louisiana (LA), I'd feel a little out of my element in the NC world Maureen describes. For that matter, as much time as I've spent in (and love) southern LA, which is the cool part of the state, being from northern LA means that there are several really different worlds just a few hours further south that are almost as foreign to me as NC.

There is also a socio-economic cultural level that is even more critical to one's experience than the geographic location.

To sum it up, Southern humorists appeal MOST to Southerners when they don't generalize too much. I just want to laugh without having every other paragraph make my eyebrows knit up like a dog's. I'm as Southern as it gets and I couldn't tell you one whit about what North Carolina is like.

Y'all Yankees, please don't read this or any other Southern humor book and think we are all LIKE THAT. See where the author lives(ed) and only assume it's true for that state/city/neighborhood, ok?

24 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Offensive, December 22, 2005

By	Lauren Ellington "bubblygirl" (Colonial Heights, VA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I find it interesting that the most rave reviews for this book come from those who are Northerners. As a Southerner, I was frankly offended by much of the content of the book. According to this book, we are all narrow-minded, arrogant hicks who don't know anything other than sports and BBQ. This book doesn't teach Northerners how to "survive" in the South, it teaches them how to assume hypocritical stereotypes that cause further misunderstanding and intolerance. I would encourage any Northerner who is planning on moving to the South (good choice) or just visiting to NOT listen to what this author has to say.