Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got (Hardcover)

~ Phil McGraw (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

13-digit ISBN is 9780743272094 Targeted primarily at single women looking for a clear formula that leads in the direction of marriage, Love Smart also aims to refresh current marriages that feel a bit lacking. Whether readers find it helpful will depend partially on their sense of humor—Dr. Phil titles one chapter "Bag 'em, Tag 'em and Take 'em Home", a pretty fair example of the rest of the jokes and the general attitude of the book's advice. Marriage is what it's about, and the dating game has specific rules that, once learned, any "player" can use to succeed. While not quite as strict as the infamous The Rules, this is a manual that treats marriage as a prize, winnable only by those who regard old-fashioned rules as the only possible set.

An early exercise suggests that women make detailed lists of the qualities they're looking for in a mate; five broad categories cover everything from social skills to physical appearance. Once a clear picture is formed of the ideal partner, it all boils down to marketing. Dr. Phil discusses conversation skills such as developing "icebreaker" questions and even digs up some of the old-school techniques that suggest checking headlines just to offer up-to-date topics, and making sure to ask questions about your date, rather than revealing much about yourself. Suggestions for internet dating are included in a separate chapter, and later chapters go into specific questions that cover personal background and relationship history in great detail.

The combination of new school humor with old-fashioned advice will appeal to women who are looking for both a plan for partnership and goofy jokes to lighten the pressure. Dr. Phil offers both in spades. Jill Lightner

Product Description

If you are sleeping single in a double bed or walking down the street thinking, How do I meet that guy?; if you're on your twentieth date and he's no more committed than when you first exchanged cell phone numbers; if everyone you know is getting married for the second time and you can't even get a first date; if you love the one you're with but the relationship needs some spark...then this book is for you.

In Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got, Dr. Phil tells people who are dissatisfied with their love lives to stop making excuses -- All the good ones are taken; I'm too fat/skinny/boring/unpredictable for anyone to love me; I should stick with the relationship I have, I'm not going to do any better -- and start taking action! Dr. Phil knows that you deserve a committed relationship, and it is within your control to have the one you want. First, though, you need to determine what you want in a partner, plot your course and get out there and create velocity in your pursuit of a loving connection. The dating world is a vastly new place: meeting people at bars or through friends used to be the only option, but that's not true anymore. Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got explores new possibilities, new places to meet people -- including the Internet -- and new activities to get involved in where you'll find interesting people. Or if you are simply looking to rekindle the relationship you are already in, Dr. Phil will tell you how to turn up the flame.

Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got will show you how to stop stumbling through your love life. You will learn to:

• Present the real you in the most flattering light. Are you your own best kept secret? Do you fail to show the world how truly fabulous and interesting you are? As Dr. Phil says, you can't fake fabulous. Don't act passive if three months into the relationship you're going to spring your true, opinionated personality on him; don't act wild if you really just want to sip tea with your mate in front of your favorite nighttime drama. Define who you are and then ride that horse!
• Peek behind the male curtain. Knowledge is power, and Dr. Phil tells you things about men that they don't necessarily want you to know -- their deepest needs and fears (yes, they have those, too, though they deny it), and how to decode their words and actions.
• Master the right moves. Once you've learned to put the best you forward, you need to go to places where you'll find interesting people and invite interaction. Don't fade into the wallpaper; get noticed and get involved. If you're already coupled up, learn to grow and nurture what you have and build a more fun, enjoyable and intimate relationship.
• Bag 'em, tag 'em and take 'em home. Once you put those right moves into action, there will be no stopping you! Dr. Phil shows you how to negotiate the relationship you desire and then close the deal with the one you want.
• Get out of your relationship rut. When you first fell in love, your heart raced just at the thought of him. But the daily grind, money problems, work, etc. have drained the life out of your relationship, and you take each other for granted. That doesn't mean you've fallen out of love. Dr. Phil shows you how to assess the state of your union and take the relationship to a deeper level.

Dr. Phil says there are no exceptions: There is somebody for everybody, and everybody deserves a relationship filled with love and excitement. Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got offers you the plan to find not just any relationship but the committed, loving, joy-filled relationship you've been waiting for.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Free Press; 2ND edition (December 6, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0739462865
• ISBN-13: 978-0743272094
• ASIN: 0743272099
• Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (109 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #50,688 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

75 of 81 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Loving yourself first... a guy's review., December 8, 2005

By	L. Power "nlp trainer" (San Francisco) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER)

Dr Phil is spot on as usual.

This book is full of common sense. As you read you discover the great advice, which clearly is directed at women, yet much of it holds true for guys too. I can see how the strategies would work. As a guy I don't want to see all our secrets given away.

Among the many pieces of advice offered are have a life, overcome your own issues such as low self esteem, and learn to love yourself.

Issues can be overcome. After all, if you don't love yourself enough then you are relying on a guy for validation. How can you persuade a guy how fabulous you are if you don't believe it yourself.

That is not a permanent fix, at best its a dubious band aid. Guys know women with low self esteem are not good relationship material, so why do so many women say they have low self esteem. Go figure. The best thing is to be a self sufficient woman, be less available, have alternative plans. Give him the gift of missing you, if necessary. This creates mystery, which is a vital ingredient for developing a relationship. Less is more.

Letting go of seeking perfection in a man is excellent advice. If a guy has 80% of the qualities you are looking for, you should bag him, tag him, and take him home. My sister once dated a guy, and said 'if he had a chipped front tooth he'd be perfect.' So even perfection is not all its cracked up to be.

Develop an abundance mentality. Women search for 'the one'. There are many who fit the bill from a pool of billions to choose from. Let go of scarcity.

I thought the advice on bringing up the subject of marriage was particularly good, avoiding the ultimatum. Another book I read mentions that women have to bring up this subject almost 70% of the time.

The advice on date topics and questions is also excellent. There should be a rule about not talking about your job, the weather, and telling the story of your life like a history lesson, and conducting a date like a job interview. These are just routine, and guys get these types of conversations from their buddies. Excluding these topics forces you to be interesting. Talk about what excites you instead.

Unlike other bestselling dating books, I can see how this book would work, and the more you apply the concepts the better they will work for you.

Oh, and if you want to improve your ability to love yourself and others, I recommend Soul Love by Sanaya Roman, in which you use your imagination and work with your chakras. It literally is a heartwarming book.

22 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I need to learn to love smart!, December 12, 2005

By	Janey Hensley (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews

I think the title says it all. As Dr Phil says, dating is a game and we need the best strategy. I used to go in full force, leaving nothing a mystery. If I didn't get a call from HIM, I'd be phoning him 20 times a day. Forget caller ID and screening, I was determined that if he saw how into him I was, he'd be turned on. WRONG! I was, as Dr Phil says, screaming "desperate." I think all you ladies out there have been there...

What I needed was confidence in myself. Chapter 3 THE CHARACTER OF YOU really helped me get clear on who I am, which is the most important thing. I've done the "bait and switch," pretending to be the thing a guy most wanted, only to turn out to be a completely different person. IT NEVER WORKED. As you can see, I needed a new game plan, one that was based on being genuine. Dr Phil's message is all about that, and I LOVE THAT about this book.

Plus, it offers real strategies, ones EVEN I CAN USE. Like Infra-red Dating (the questions to ask to get to the core of him and where he's coming from without sending him running).

I needed this. Dr Phil has set me on a path towards coupledom. And in the process, I came to feel so much better about myself.

69 of 79 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Loving and Being Yourself is Your First Smart Step, January 1, 2006

By	Barbara Rose (BornToInspire.com) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

With genuine insight and a tell-it-like-it-is approach, Dr. Phil helps women re-claim who they are, from the inside out, the REAL you, and shares how to shine so that you can either attract the kind of man you would love to have in your life, or if you are in a relationship, how to improve it, grow through the hard times together, to make it a better and stronger relationship than it was before.

The whole wonderful key in this book is to BE WHO YOU ARE!

There are great ideas for meeting someone by going to places that you really like, and naturally, you will meet someone who shares your interests - and what a nice way that is to meet someone!

Another great point is that "100 % Mr. Perfect" does not exist. Everyone has quirks, personality differences, and if you meet someone who matches most of your preferences, ideas about life, similar views, without compromising on YOUR truth and integrity, then you stand a great chance of having a fulfilling relationship. So his 80 percent solution provides some great insight to better help you to create a great relationship with someone who does have 80% of what you are looking for, (as long as the other 20% brings no harm to you on any level) rather than pass up someone while you chase after the 100% perfect myth.

All in all, with respect to some of the negative reviews, I do not feel that Dr. Phil is pandering to anyone. Quite to the contrary, he is giving expert advice to women who can use a good dose of self love, self appreciation, and the confidence to be yourself so that you CAN attract the great match you deserve, or significantly enhance life with the one you are with!

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE and Know Yourself: A Woman's Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence