The Wonder of Girls : Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters (Hardcover)

by Michael Gurian (Author) "On a sunny day in June, I took my daughters to Manito Park, our neighborhood play area..." (more)
Key Phrases: emotional biology, intimacy imperative, artful mother, Gurian Institute, Anne Frank, Mary Pipher (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
In The Wonder of Girls, Michael Gurian aims to bring us new insights into the lives of our daughters in much the same way he attempted to open up the lives of adolescent males in The Wonder of Boys. While many of the chapters read like lessons in biology, plenty of parents will find useful tidbits and reflections from this father of two.

Gurian emphatically agrees with Deborah Sichel's (Women's Moods) idea of "A woman's biology is the cornerstone of her mental health." He elaborates on this theory throughout his discussion on the physical changes in childhood and adolescence. This concept certainly holds some validity, but there's a fine line from here to "biology is destiny." Some readers may find Gurian crosses that line with his claims of "brain pruning" and insistence about hormones: "they don't just change a girl into a woman, they are, to a great extent, the woman herself."

Others find his recommendations on hormonal treatments to be a literal lifesaver, and the book is peppered with positive anecdotes from his own life and families encountered in his training sessions. Important issues like self-esteem, eating disorders, and sexual experimentation are all addressed, along with the role of the father and "the absolute sanctity of motherhood." Gurian offers a somewhat narrow path as a guide through your daughter's adolescence, but if nothing else, this book will provide a solid background in the physical aspects of her growth. --Jill Lightner

From Publishers Weekly
Therapist Gurian probes the unique aspects of girls' emotional, social and physical development in a follow-up to his bestselling The Wonder of Boys. First, though, he takes a few stabs at feminism, arguing that several of its theories (which, it must be noted, he incorrectly oversimplifies) need to be revised or even discarded by parents seeking to raise healthy girls. But Gurian's trademark is examining how biology impacts behavior. Biological matters hormones, brain differences (girls' brains are "more broadly active" than boys' and have 15% more blood flow) ultimately define girls' and boys' journeys through childhood and adolescence, Gurian argues. Even a girl's drop in self-esteem during adolescence is a "natural," biological phenomenon rather than a result of negative cultural influences. Feminists, he argues, have ignored the biological differences in order to successfully compete with men in the workplace; in so doing, they have denied or downplayed a girl's desire for intimacy and the experience of motherhood. Gurian urges parents to use a new model in raising girls (he calls it "Womanism") in which motherhood is a "season" when careers must be adjusted or put on hold. The author boldly suggests that parents prepare their daughters for the sacrifices of motherhood, and ensure that girls establish a three-family system (the nuclear family, the extended family and institutions such as church or school) that will meet their need for intimate relationships. Expect Gurian's arguments to stir controversy and inspire thought. (Jan.)Forecast: Gurian's success with The Wonder of Boys and other parenting titles should make this an easy sell, though some readers may object to what feels like a rejection of feminist tenets.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: Atria (January 1, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 074341702X
• ISBN-13: 978-0743417020
• Product Dimensions: 9.5 x 6.4 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 2.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (33 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #315,929 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

98 of 108 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Knowing how we're wired sets us free to be., January 20, 2002

By	Rebecca Brown "rebeccasreads" (Clallam Bay, WA United States) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

I wasn't exactly thrilled to be reading a book called the The Wonder of Girls - especially as it's written by a chap - novelist, poet, neurobiological researcher, psychologist, husband & father of two girls notwithstanding! I was dreading it would be either incomprehensibly technical or a sappy, feel-good read. I should have known better because I had already reviewed Michael Gurian's A Fine Young Man & had found this author to be personable, charmingly thoughtful & invaluably informative.

Through research, memories, poems, letters, family moments & professional cases Michael Gurian sets out to inform us Why Girls Are the Way They Are. In his simple, direct & pleasant way he starts at the beginning of the search for A New Logic of Girls' Lives. He presents precisely & calmly that it is time for Feminists to grow up & become Womanists.

As an erstwhile rabid Feminist, I have long since outgrown its angst. In Looking Beyond Feminism: Old Myths and New Theories, Michael Gurian catches up to me & explains how Feminism might now be what's keeping us back. Biology, Feminist ideals notwithstanding, still rules supreme & if we don't know how we work, then we don't know why we're doing what we're doing.

One vital passage: Girls' Stress Responses needs to be read by everyone: "When a child is under inordinate stress for a prolonged period...her brain development will definitely be affected. She will be "rewired" neurologically...The stress hormone, cortisol,(as well as adrenal and other "lower" brain functions) have dominated brain growth...and this affects normal brain growth patterns." Why then, are we surprised by the depression in all our early adolescent girls?

In Part II: What Girls Need, we explore The Artful Mother: What Girls Need from Mom. "There are natural stages to a woman's life, and every daughter wants to know what they are...The womanist philosophy, concerned heavily with the natural stages of a woman's life, is useful...because it is a path to freedom, not social constriction...It is a middle ground between the old view: a woman must stay home - and the feminist view: a woman must conquer the workplace." In this section we think about Providing Childcare; Discipline; Spanking; Teaching Manners; The Importance of Chores; The Beginnings of Spiritual Life; Media Use; Holding Clear Authority; Dealing With Whining; Teaching Your Girls to Enjoy Their Noble Failures; Handling An Angry Girl; Your Daughter's Sadness; Her Pulls to Autonomy; The Issue of Privacy; The Battle Over Clothing; Rites of Passage. There is even a section on How to be an Artful Stepmother!

On to The Gifts of The Father: What Girls Need from Dad. A Father's Love "can make or break a girl." Father-Attachment; Our Fatherless Daughters; The Gift of Presence; of Independence; of Adventure and Laughter; of Affection; of Discipline and Self-Restraint; Helping a Daughter Manage Peer Relationships. In Fathers, Daughters, and Divorce we think about the gifts separated fathers can give. Given how many marriages end up in divorce courts - this is a vital segment! In The Stages of "Dad" we watch a hero become a dolt become a mentor! Heady stuff!

While we all know of the hero's journey to Self, Michael Gurian explains The Goal of the Journey for girls. While boys are more interested in autonomy & morality, girls are more drawn to identity & intimacy. Ergo The Intimacy Imperative & The Future of Femininity.

Knowing how we're wired is half the battle; the other half is sifting through what people think we ought to be & do with our lives. Biology is older than Religion & Feminism by a few millions years & until we truly get that, then we're setting our girls up for a lifelong battle with their inner natural inclinations. Politically correct folks want girls to surmount biology, as if it's a recent discomfort imposed by thoughtless fools - it isn't - it's the biggest thing around!

There is so much to think about in The Wonder of Girls that I regret the limitations of a review. I've come away knowing more about why I am than ever before, a profound read indeed!

The Wonder of Girls is a book for a lifetime & I heartily recommend it.

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Free at last!, April 1, 2003

By	Mike P (Schenectady, NY United States) - See all my reviews

There is not a mysogynistic cell in my entire anatomy, and yet I've never quite been able to accept that 'feminist' dictum of Helen G. Brown and her crowd. Camile Paglia at least makes sense to me, though I really had no hard facts to back up my feelings. Well, Michael Gurian certainly does. This book isn't an attack on feminism in any form; it's a celebration of the the differences between girls and their other primate companions, referred to as boys, males, or sometimss men. We are not the same, and this book explains why without apology; it applauds the female person for her wonder, her specialness, and her many advantages in life, without diminishing her male counterparts in the process. I've watched women all my life, including three daughters who are now out and on their own. That development is a compendium of miracles and unfathomable mysteries to me. How I wish I'd had this book when they were a bit younger, back when they came to me hoping I might understand what I could not at that time. If you have a daughter, buy the book!

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars WHAT IS WITH ALL THE BAD REVIEWS, October 25, 2005

By	Nina Dimitrov "nina_nichole" (Chandler, AZ) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: The Wonder of Girls : Understanding the Hidden Nature of Our Daughters (Paperback)

What is up with people? I am stay-home mother, a very independent soul, and have an education background in early and elementary education. i found this book to be wonderful. i have referred it to all of my friends. i learned not only so much about my daughter and our relationship but also about myself and my relationships growing up. It is a book written with great insight from a father with girls and an extensive research and education background and a wife with the same. It is also approached from a standpoint from mostly biological research and parallels in cross-cultures. A must read!