How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less (Hardcover)

~ (Author) "Connecting with other people brings infinite rewards..." (more)
Key Phrases: useless attitude, useful attitude, sensory preferences, Really Useful Attitude, Really Useless Attitude (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The average person's attention span lasts about 30 seconds. That means first and immediate impressions count, and big. In this modern-day update of Dale Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, former fashion photographer Nicholas Boothman instructs you in how to mold those 30 seconds to your greatest advantage and connect with others at business and social functions.

Boothman, now a lecturer and licensed master practitioner of neurolinguistic programming (the art and science of how the brain affects human connections), says that the key to making others like you quickly lies in establishing a rapport: you have to find out what you have in common or, if you seemingly have nothing in common, purposely try to become like the other person for a short time. He then goes on to offer simple techniques for getting a rapport going: adopt a positive attitude; make sure your words, tone, and gestures are all saying the same thing; synchronize your attitude and body movements to those of another person's (which makes the person feel comfortable with you--although he or she may not know why); and ask lots of open-ended questions. Boothman also describes how to figure out a stranger's favored sense for receiving information about the world--some rely on visual cues, others on auditory or kinesthetic (touch) input--and use it to your best advantage.

If discovering how to connect with others is the secret to business and life success, as Boothman contends, then employing the strategies in this book will make you instantly likeable and give you a leg up on the competition. --Nancy Monson

From Publishers Weekly

Blessed with an irresistible premise and title, this well-packaged self-help book draws its advice from neuro-linguistic programming and a study of interpersonal communication conducted by two UCLA doctors. While its clearly presented techniques may help readers clear communications hurdles in social and professional interactions, this upbeat volume will probably appeal most to readers interested in dating and nurturing romantic attachments. A former fashion photographer who gives "Positive Connection" seminars, Boothman breaks down the process of connecting with people into discrete stepsAmeeting, establishing rapport and opening up communicationAand provides simple examples, self-assessments, exercises and sample dialogue. He contends that a key to establishing rapport lies in synchronizing behavior or mimicking the other person's pose, facial expression, gestures, body language and tone of voice. According to the principles of neuro-linguistic programming, Boothman recommends categorizing people according to how they take in information (e.g., visually, aurally or by feel) and responding in kind. Though the book reads like an adapted seminar or puffed-up magazine article, Workman's ambitious promotional campaign and usual canny marketing may well make this little book one of the season's most popular impulse purchases. 20-city author tour.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 160 pages
• Publisher: Workman Publishing Company; illustrated edition edition (September 15, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 076111940X
• ISBN-13: 978-0761119401
• Product Dimensions: 7.1 x 5.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #223,753 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

276 of 281 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Better Communications by Creating Rapid Connections!, October 2, 2000

By	Professor Donald Mitchell "Jesus Makes Me a P... (Boston) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)

This book is one of the simpler and easier to understand of the many books that introduce Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. It is also a little more original in that it does not simply repeat the ideas of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder word-for-word as so many of these books do. The author has studied under Dr. Bandler (as have I) and is a Licensed NLP Master Practitioner.

If you already know NLP, you can skip this book.

If you do not yet know NLP, this is a good introduction for those who have trouble making in-person connections.

NLP is based on observations of how people open themselves up to receive communications from others. Basically, we each have thinking habits that mean we consider subjects in different ways and sequences. When we come upon a way or sequence that is different from ours, we close up and pull back. When we come on one just like ours, we feel relaxed and open, and the message sinks in both consciously and unconsciously. Students of perception estimate that the words you use are less than 25 percent of the communications that are received from you. Your body motions are the primary means of communicating. Your intonation is also important (take time to sound pleasant).

The author focuses on the fact that impressions are formed in the first 10 seconds or so when we meet someone. He encourages us to open ourselves up physically (hands open, coat unbuttoned if you have one on, relaxed), look the other person in the eye, beam (like you are shaking hands), say Hi! with a positive attitude, and lean towards the person. These are universally interpreted as being genuine indications of interest that are perceived by the other person's subconscious mind, and the other person will almost always respond in kind.

There are three primary modes that people use to process thoughts (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic -- both emotions and physical feelings), and remembered and imagined versions of each one. The book contains clues (such as eye movement and choices of verbs) to understand the person's preferences. You are encouraged then to be sure to include those modes. This advice was the weakest point of the book. Dr. Bandler has shown since developing NLP that equally emphasizing all of the modes works even better, so the author would appear not to have worked with Dr. Bandler in some time.

Finally, you are encouraged to mirror and match the behavior of the other person (from breathing to posture to gestures).

The key points of the book, then, can be summarized as a positive attitude toward the other person, synchronicity in actions and locating commonalities, using the correct conversational modes, and emphasizing the sensory preferences of the other person.

The other major weakness of this book is that it does not do enough to help the shy person to get themselves into the mood to do all of these things. Tony Robbins (another former student of Richard Bandler's) has a good technique you can use, which is to remember the most fabulous first meeting you ever had with another person before you step forward to meet the new person. Your mind and body will still be jazzed by the favorable memory, and the viewer will perceive that high level of excitement.

I would like to give the author great credit for his photo. His years of expreience in fashion and advertising photography show off to advantage. He mimics listening to someone with great interest. Look at the photo to get a sense of how someone's posture and expression can affect you.

After you have absorbed these lessons, consider how much your attitude determines the reactions you get from other people. If you are afraid to meet them, that will show. If you are delighted to be with them, that will also show. If your message is important to you, you should take a little time to dress up your attitude and responsiveness if you want to really be dressed for success. Ask yourself if you would really want to listen to you when you do not take the time to be an interested communicator. If not, now may be a good time for a change. You, too, can be irresistible -- when you want to be. Also, be aware that the person who seems so interested in your may simply be a devoted student of NLP. Keep probing for trustworthiness!

94 of 97 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent introduction to how to make people like you, February 8, 2003

By	Khalid Alnaqbi (Toronto, Canada) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This is a great book which can help make people like you in a very short time. I found it in a Book Exhibition, and decided to buy it since the title attracted me.
It's really useful when you learn how to attract attention of people which is very important in our daily life.
This book is concise, user-friendly and uses simple language for conveying the auther's message.

Part (1) is an introduction about the importance of the first impression. There is an old saying which is true most of the time (The first impression is the last impression.) All what you need is to adopt a positive attitude, make sure your words, tone, and gestures are in harmony, and use your gift in organizing your speech to maintain an attractive conversation by using open-ended questions to try to discover what the other person likes.

Part (2) focuses on the first 90 seconds for establishing a rapport. As Mr. Boothman said, the key to establish a rapport with people is to learn how to be like them.

Part (3) is talking about the secrets of interactions. I was amazed when I learned that some people rely on visual cues, others on auditory or kinesthetic (touch) input. You just should try to discover what the other person prefers and use it to your best advantage! After doing the exercise to determine my favorite sense, it came out to be (Visual)! The author gives us some exercises for determining the characteristics of the people whose favorable senses are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.

Keep in you mind that your reward at the end will be the acceptance of the other person for your personality.

However, I agree with some reviewers that there are few points which were not clarified in this book:

1. emphasizing on general appearance.
2. exploring coversational techniques.
3. overcoming shyness for some people.
4. speaking to more than 1 person.

In summary, I recommend this book for anybody who is interested in the "psychology" of how to give a good impression in 90 seconds or less!

Well done Mr. Boothman!

52 of 52 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Teen Shyness Overcome, August 7, 2006

By	Janet F. Smith (Connecticut) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

My 16 year old son has always been shy. I gave my son this book to read over the summer to see if it could help him overcome some of his shyness before entering his junior year in high school. Overnight, this book changed his life. Everytime he practiced a new skill his self confidence grew. Everyone is commenting on the change in him. I have purchased extra copies of this book to give to other kids who are ready to gain confidence in themselves; to feel comfortable enough with themselves to meet new people and feel comfortable with old friends. Over the years I have tried teaching my son some of the skills in this book, but until my son read the book himself he just didn't get it. Now he does. He is the happy kid I have always known him to be. He is constantly smiling now and rushes to meet life head on. I highly recommend this book to teens and adults looking for a simple answer on how to meet people and make them like you in 90 seconds or less.