No More Christian Nice Guy: Why Being Nice-- Instead of Good-- Hurts Men, Women, and Children (Paperback)

~ Paul Coughlin (Author)
Key Phrases: blessed sarcasm, nice guy problem, passive men, Christian Good Guy, Holy Spirit, Song of Songs (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Eldredge gave men permission to be "wild at heart." Coughlin shows us how.... A road map to a larger life." -- David Murrow

"I applaud Paul's important work to help us realize what a real man is all about." -- Dr. Kevin Leman

"I highly recommend this fascinating book. Prepare to be challenged." -- Melissa Parcel, Bookloons

"If the church wants to...handle...rampant divorce and infidelity, Paul has words of wisdom we dare not ignore." -- Dave Meurer

"It's a good read with lots to make you think and possibly reconsider some old stereotypes." -- Bella Online

"It's a picture no one in the church should miss, especially Christian Nice Guys and their wives." -- Marcia Ford, Faithful Reader.com

"Paul Coughlin has written an amazing book that will stir you regardless of your religious background or beliefs." -- Mark Joseph

"This book is about reclaiming biblical masculinity...the journey from nice guy to good guy... embark on the journey." -- Bob Pike CSP, CPAE-Speakers Hall of Fame, Armchair Interviews.com

(Editor's Pick) "Imagine if men took this book to heart...Coughlin calls for a 'good guy rebellion.' Count me in." -- Robert Andrescik, New Man Magazine

Paul pens in 1Cor. 16:13, "act like men." ...What is a man? This book is Coughlin's excellent answer." -- Rev. Emerson Eggerichs Ph.D. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Product Description

"Recovering nice guy" Paul Coughlin points the way for all men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction - like Jesus. Using humorous examples from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome. After all, Christian nice guys aren't always so nice. In the name of appearing Christian by being agreeable, they can lie, keep secrets, manipulate, duck responsibility, and much more. Using the biblical model of Christ as his example of a real man, Coughlin shows men how to become both gentle and bold. A powerful challenge and a hopeful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above prevailing views in the church and contemporary culture, this important book helps men discover who they are in Christ and how to live for Him.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Bethany House Publishers (January 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0764201719
• ISBN-13: 978-0764201714
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #2,054,485 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

70 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good men vs. nice guys, October 8, 2005

By	Erik Olson "Seeker Reviews" (Ridgefield, WA United States) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women And Children (Hardcover)

Years ago, I attended a Passion Play put on by a small church. The guy who played Christ walked through the part like an emotionless robot. Later he regretted showing his bare chest during the crucifixion scene, saying that, "I save it for my wife." It's this kind of limp attitude towards Christ and masculinity that "No More Christian Nice Guy" takes a stand against.

The book is an entry into the "Wild At Heart" and "Tender Warrior" segment of the Christian men's genre. It's the author's contention that male believers have fallen prey to passivity, and also follow an emasculated parody of Christ. His strong face-offs against the Pharisees and other confrontational moments are ignored. Instead, today's "gentle Jesus" kind of man shows no emotion and has no backbone. Many believe that it's better to be a "Christian Nice Guy" (CNG) for the sake of "harmonious fellowship." Rebuke is labeled as "unloving," so people are allowed to continue along harmful paths without needed correction. Risks are avoided in favor of "praying about it first," so crucial ministries go unfilled. And Christian men seeking to be equally yoked are labeled as "predators" by sisters who consider dating a swear word.

I've seen the damaging results of the CNG trend in the church as well, and even bought into some of it despite the protests of my conscience. The author, while praising the original goals of the feminist movement, blames it for shaming men into becoming CNGs. Ironically, modern women express dismay at the CNG, and either avoid dating them or regret marrying one. "No More Christian Nice Guy" calls for men to put on the strong masculinity that women find attractive, but leave behind the macho and chauvinist attitudes that dishonor them. Passive response is rejected in favor of being proactive for God's glory. Showing genuine emotion, taking courageous (not foolhardy) risks, and rebuking wrong behaviors are held up as exemplary behaviors that are helpful to others.

Mr. Coughlin challenges those with a Y chromosome to be good men instead of nice guys. There seems to be a backlash building against the "CNG" phenomenon. I pray that "No More Christian Nice Guy" will continue that trend and encourage a generation of mighty Christian men to come forth.

58 of 64 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book for the Male Trained to Be Passive by A Church Culture, October 21, 2005

By	Edward J Vasicek (Kokomo, IN USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women And Children (Hardcover)

No More Christian Nice Guy is a book targetted toward men who have been convinced (either by family, a particular church, or both) that masculinity is a bad thing, that men are more sinful than women, and that men should embrace a passive stance.

The first few chapters are reactionary and not very good. But, beginning with chapter 5, the book shines. Coughlin emphasizes the importance of male assertiveness, and explains how wimpy men ruin marriages. His chapter on, "We're men, not euncuhs" is excellent. Coughlin tells us there is nothing wrong with being male, and being a Biblical male is different from being the type of male some/many churches advocate.

Scattered throughout the book are deep and meaningful quotations from the likes of C.S. Lewis and other deep thinkers. Though this book is written straight from the shoulder (the author's style is very masculine), and though certain aspects of it seem simplistic, other sections are deep and significant.

Unlike Elderidge's work, Coughlin gives room for men to be different from him (he divides them into Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive). He is clearly targetting, "Christian Nice Guys" (passives) who have been tamed and forced into a feminine mold.

The good points in this book are very good, to the point that they offset the bad points.

What are the bad points? There are a number of inaccuracies in this book, and the author's own experiences color his perspective. Nonetheless, this book is worth reading.

He embraces the mindless use of the term, "the church." But what is "the church?" It is a theological term for the entire family of true believers. What the author means -- and should say (as should countless others) is something like, "the churches with which I am familiar." Many pastors and congregations have worked hard to be a few cuts above; give us credit, will you? On page 61, I wrote my own comment, "Why doesn't this guy find a good church?"

Although this book has its rough edges and a few glaring problems, it is overall an excellent book -- except for those who think they must agree with everything about a book. Such people probably need this book most of all!

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A call for Christian men to trade their niceness for genuine goodness, September 30, 2005

By	FaithfulReader.com (New York, New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women And Children (Hardcover)

This is one of those books that makes reviewers like me spend an inordinate amount of time trying to condense the author's premise. It's not because the premise is so complicated; it's because of the myriad filters, grids, and perspectives through which readers approach lightning-rod topics like genderism. A tyrannical, controlling male pastor will read this book, and this review, through a grid similar to the one used by the wife of a tyrannical, controlling Christian man. They'll interpret Paul Coughlin's call for a return to the authentic, biblical Jesus as a role model for Christian men in an entirely different way than would, say, the wife of a passive Christian Nice Guy, the classic CNG.

No matter where you live, no matter where you worship --- no matter where you go, for heaven's sake --- you've met your share of CNGs, Christian Nice Guys who traded in the gospel of Jesus Christ for the gospel of playing it safe. As a former CNG, Coughlin recognizes the fear that keeps these men believing in only a meek and mild Jesus --- and believing this is the only view of Jesus they should emulate. Coughlin likens this bogus portrayal of Jesus to that of a "bearded woman" or a glowing pretty-boy who has just received a "to-die-for facial." But the Jesus of the Gospels, Coughlin writes, operates along the entire "tender-tough spectrum." A meek and mild wimp doesn't overturn the moneychangers' tables or use heavy doses of sarcasm --- even if it is the "blessed sarcasm" used by Jesus, which, Coughlin points out, He inherited from His own Father.

The son of an off-the-charts abusive woman, Coughlin learned early on to play it safe. You'd think a personal encounter with the Lion of Judah would have led him into a life of boldness and adventure, but no. The church intervened and taught him to be a docile CNG who never makes waves, never makes a scene (think of Jesus here!), and thus never makes a difference. A series of revelations caused Coughlin to re-examine the kind of man the church had fashioned him into. (My personal favorite was the time he failed to move quickly enough when a traffic light turned green, and he looked in the rearview mirror to discover that the horn-honking, red-faced, livid driver behind him was none other than his "perfect" pastor.)

A result of those revelations is a changed man who has started what he calls a Good Guy Rebellion --- a call for Christian men to trade in their niceness for genuine goodness, echoing C.S. Lewis's description of Aslan in THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE as a lion who is not safe but good. Good guys, he points out, may not be very popular in churches that want to keep them under their thumb, but the transformation from CNG to Good Guy will earn them the long-lost respect of their wives and children, and steer them into a life of authentic obedience to the powerful God they've wanted to serve all along.

My recommendation? Read this along with Dave Murrow's WHY MEN HATE GOING TO CHURCH. But read it only after you have resolved to approach it with an open mind and with a genuine desire to understand Coughlin's perspective. If you don't read the book in its entirety, you'll miss the big picture. And it's a picture no one in the church should miss, especially CNGs and their wives. Oh, and let's not forget all those CNGs who have left the church for the very reasons that made them CNGs in the first place.