Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Some good insight, but struggles, March 18, 2008
I picked up this book in part because I found some valuable insight in Arterburn's Everyman's Battle and in part because I'm approaching 40 and getting more introspective about my life. While I found some parts of this book helpful, overall I have to give it a mixed review. The target audience appears to be boomers thoroughly enmeshed in the evangelical subculture and who are going through "mild" midlife crises. For those who've made a complete mess of their lives or as an evangelical tool to minister to non-Christian men in mid-life crisis, this book is not for you. You may well find some helpful advice, but the 'Manual' is too lightweight to offer any solid help.
Pros - The authors hit on several very good points in the sections on the things parents taught us about life and about ourselves. Even as men the effects of parental influence can still be felt profoundly.
The section about what men in midlife have gained in terms of perspective on life and how time changes things has some keen insight as does the discussion of not taking our wives for granted.
The authors have a refreshing view of God's love and desire for relationship with us, particularly for guys who come out of a fundamentalist background. God indeed created us to enjoy both Him and His creation.
Following the patter of "exercises" from the Everyman series, Arterburn is big on writing exercises. Whether you take the suggestion literally or use his questions to think through our roles and how our history has shaped our character, the idea is a good one and can be used to great benefit.
Cons - As a self-proclaimed Christian book, I would have expected something about the bible in it. Arterburn and Shore presuppose a Christian audience, however the few references to "wanting to live for God" in the 2nd half of life notwithstanding, there are virtually no references to scripture in the whole book.
Arterburn's pseudo stream of consciousness writing gets in the way of the message. It's hard to read too seriously when the writing is like one-sided dialog that's attempting to sound cool. Also as a matter of style, many of the illustrative stories are kind of obtuse and don't really seem to emphasize whatever the particular point is the authors are attempting to make.
I did not feel that the book dealt substantively with serious, but all too common issues of addiction that plague men; issues such as pornography (there is a passing reference), anger, greed and materialism, and other forms of habitual behavioral patterns that heavily impact mid-life issues.
On a similar vein, I felt that some of the sections of the book offered to tackle very good subjects, but fell short on dealing with the underlying issues. For example the section on "keeping secrets" doesn't address what to do if the secrets are things like an affair in the past or an addiction to porn or having been molested as a kid or any one of those other unsavory issues guys all too often have.
In summary, you'll get out of this book what you put into it. I consider the main value is in the "To Do" sections if the reader puts some thought into it.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Exercises Make "Manual" Work, March 13, 2008
The Midlife Manual For Men serves as an effective guide into that too-cliched period of life where men frequently should stop for meaningful direction - but don't.
Steve Arterburn and John Shore write in an entertaining, engaging style that leads readers through the roles of manhood and toward hope and significance. Readers working the exercises at each chapter's end will benefit the most because the work helps focus readers both toward who they are and who God wants them to be.
For example, under "Son" the first "Things to Do" exercise is to write a brutally-honest letter to your father. This forced me to confront some of my late father's traits I didn't want to recognize, traits that he passed on to me. I wanted to remember him as a hero. The next exercise let me - it is to write a letter telling your father how much you love him and why. The authors say you can mail the second letter. Then the exercises go on to one asking how being your father's son "affected one's ideas or experiences relative to being a child of our Lord."
Such exercises join the reading to leave you with the feeling that no matter what you've done wrong so far in your life there's a lot you've done right as well. I saw there's hope for a more fulfilling life in the future and how to let God lead me to that life.
Shore's example of one Mr. Williams and his amazing mid-life art career stands out as a highlight of the book to me. I will not spoil the example with details - just describe it as an excellent example of how God speaks His will to every man in midlife.
I believe the manual has helped draw me closer toward God's goal of using me for His will during my life's remaining days, despite what at times seemed irrelevant passages due to my own life experiences. For almost all, the book should prove most entertaining and effective.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Helpful information and practical tips for coping with life's uncertainties and unexpected happenings, July 14, 2008
Stephen Arterburn --- founder and chairman of New Life Ministries, the nation's largest faith-based broadcast, counseling and treatment ministry --- has penned another dynamic resource that men born between 1946 and 1964 will find encouraging, practical, inspiring and so, so funny. Arterburn, who has written over 70 books, has teamed up with fellow author John Shore to bring respite, relief and welcome reassurance to men everywhere.
Whether or not an individual man is struggling with the stereotypical midlife issues, this text will be earmarked for years to come. Men will discover commonalities with one another on such themes as being a middle-aged male, harboring a he-man of the universe mentality, being a son, a husband, a provider and a father, and facing forward into the future with courage and confidence.
Arterburn opens the book with an admission. His marriage of 17 years had ended; he was 46 years old and, in his words, "...as miserable as he'd ever been in his life." He writes that he was without hope and tells of being stripped of everything, including pretense and superficiality. It was just him and Jesus "fellowshipping in suffering." Fast forward six years later. Remarried and the father of a one-year-old son, Arterburn offers perspective and wise counsel for facing hard times, looking at himself accurately, and moving ahead with faith and integrity.
As Arterburn and Shore point out, midlife isn't what it used to be. In the year 1800, the life expectancy for an American man was 35 years; today it's 76. The sheer increase in time factor leaves more for men to "reflect upon, adjust, or change our lives." The authors cite some characteristic "symptoms" of midlife transitioning...or midlife "crisis-ing." Men might experience depression, feel acute irritability, engage in too much "partying," unwise or extravagant spending, have an obsession with sex, or have an affair.
In their He-Man of the Universe chapter, Arterburn and Shore afford readers a comical yet all-too-accurate portrayal of the "he-man" mentality, to which most men battle against succumbing. Referring to these not-so-healthy-attitudes, they list some "good riddances" with both clarity and comical asides.
* Getting rid of unceasing expectation of oneself
* Finishing off a crippling sense of entitlement
* Making peace with emotions by not suppressing them
* Casting off the lone ranger mentality of not needing anyone
On the positive flip side, they suggest the following "he-man pure gold" recommendations to be adopted in place of the above.
* Understanding the proper use of power
* Understanding how important responsibility is
* Understanding how to grow bit by bit toward maturity
* Understanding how challenges and bravery fit in this world
With keen wit and fun-loving personal tale-telling admissions, Arterburn and Shore offer their readers both helpful information and practical tips for coping with life's uncertainties and unexpected happenings. Readers --- males and the females who love them --- will appreciate this filled-to-the-brim manual for midlife.
--- Reviewed by Michele Howe
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