Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It (Paperback)

~ Allan Pease (Author), (Author) "Men and women are different..." (more)
Key Phrases: lunch chaser, nest defender, eight weeks after conception, Institute of Psychiatry, Kinsey Institute, New Zealand (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Ever wonder why women can brush their teeth while walking and talking on various subjects while men generally find this very difficult to do? Why 99 percent of all patents are registered by men? Why stressed women talk? Why so many husbands hate shopping? According to Barbara and Allan Pease, science now confirms that "the way our brains are wired and the hormones pulsing through our bodies are the two factors that largely dictate, long before we are born, how we will think and behave. Our instincts are simply our genes determining how our bodies will behave in given sets of circumstances." That's right: socialization, politics, or upbringing aside, men and women have profound brain differences and are intrinsically inclined to act in distinct--and consequently frustrating--ways.

The premises behind Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps is that all too often, these differences get in the way of fulfilling relationships and that understanding our basic urges can lead to greater self-awareness and improved relations between the sexes. The Peases spent three years researching their book--traveling the globe, talking to experts, and studying the cutting-edge research of ethnologists, psychologists, biologists, and neuroscientists--yet their work does not read a bit like "hard science." In fact, the authors go to considerable lengths to point out that their book is intended to be funny, interesting, and easy to read; in short, this is a book whose primary purpose is to talk about "average men and women, that is, how most men and women behave most of the time, in most situations, and for most of the past."

Why Men Don't Listen, therefore, deals largely in generalizations, and this is bound to alienate some readers. "We don't beat around the bush with suppositions or politically correct clichés," the Peases claim. Those up for an irreverent and unapologetic take on why men and women just can't help themselves sometimes may just decide to read on. --Svenja Soldovieri --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

"To get a man to listen, give him advance notice and provide an agenda," write the husband and wife Peases in this pithy, attention-grabbing guidebook to the differences between men and women. Originally self-published in Australia to wide acclaim, the book weaves together facts from the latest brain research, theories from evolutionary biology and a treasure trove of anecdotal events and conversations collected by the authors during a three-year research trip around the world. Sociobiology has rarely been so entertaining. The Peases say that a woman's brain is wired to be able to speak and listen simultaneously, for example, and they are geared to talk through problems. Men, by contrast, need to clam up. "He uses his right brain to try to solve his problems or find solutions, and he stops using his left brain to listen or speak." These brain differences took shape in cave days, according to the authors. Men were hunters and defenders who evolved tunnel vision (as compared to women's vision), while, as nurturers, women not only had broad peripheral vision but sensitive relationship skills. Channel surfing and newspaper skimming are modern ways for a man to cut off from others to privately mull problems, advise the authors. "Remember, his forefathers spent more than a million years sitting expressionless on a rock surveying the horizon, so this comes naturally to him.... " Feisty and crystal clear, this controversial work will appeal to readers of both sexes. (May)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Broadway (June 19, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0767907639
• ISBN-13: 978-0767907637
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (90 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #56,660 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in this category: (What's this?)

  #27 in

  Books > Nonfiction > Social Sciences > Sociology > Social Groups

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A sort of Australian Mars/Venus book., June 5, 2000

By	John Peter O'connor - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps (Hardcover)

The authors start from two straightforward premises:

Men and women are very different in the way that they act, react, think and feel.

These differences are the inevitable consequence of our biology.

The first of these is a lot less controversial than the second and, perhaps the book would have ruffled fewer feathers if the authors had stuck to the first premise. However, the caveman-cavewoman analogies do help them to illustrate their points.

The book is well put together in a pretty light-hearted style. While not being unputdownable, it is an easy read. One quibble though has to be that, after a while, many of the jokes seem to be a little tedious.

As well as illustrating the differences between men and women, the book gives examples of how these lead to conflict and misunderstandings. Their advice is pretty much to learn about the differences and grin and bear it.

Of course, the book goes over much the same ground as the Mars-Venus stuff but, it does so at a somewhat simpler and, some would say, superficial level. If you get to the end of Mars-Venus and absorb what it says then this book is not for you. On the other hand, If you found M-V to be too heavy and a bit pretentious then the lighthearted and more direct style of this book could be just what you need.

At the end of the book, there is a substantial list of references and further reading. This varies from other popular psychology books to research papers which provide the scientific backing for the authors ideas. Unfortunately, they just list these with no comment and no attempt to categorise the items. This means that the list is of little use to a reader interested in exploring further topics or referring to some of the research on which the authors ideas depend.

24 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Male-bashing, unreferenced tosh, February 13, 2004

By	Ben Merritt (Northumberland, England) - See all my reviews

I had high hopes for this book.

I was excited at finding a genuine, factual book, explaining the psychological and biological differences between the male and female brain.

I was looking forward to understanding more about the human sexes at an unbiased level.

And then I started reading it.

And I wasn't excited any more.

For something portrayed as unbiased and fact-based, it's a purley just another male-bashing book. There are three main issues I have with it:

Firstly, most sources for their information are completely unreferenced and look like they're just there to prove their point. Common phrases

are "scientist have discovered", "research has found" and "experts now know" - all useless phrases, lacking substance to anyone with more

than one brain cell.

Secondly, it constantly repeats itself over and over. Usually in the form of annoyingly large key phrases dotted around every paragraph or

so. They would be a great way to sum up what's just been said, particularly if it was a hard concept to grasp, but they don't. They more or

less repeat the last sentence word for word. A good example can be found on page 7:

"Whether men and women are _equal_ is a political or moral question, but weather they are _identical_ is a scientific one.

[Then in large italicised writing underneath:]

The equality of men and women is a political or moral issue; the essential difference is a scientific one."

... and you feel like yelling at the book, "I KNOW, YOU JUST TOLD ME, STOP INSULTING MY READING ABILITIES".

Thirdly, and most importantly, it's heavily biased towards women. If it were marketed as such, I wouldn't have a problem, but it's not. And

let me point out at this stage that I have no problems at all with poking fun at male stereotypes. But every single page begins to wear you

down. Especially when there's not fun being poked at women.It's advertised as a biological insight into our brains and why men can and cannot

do some things and why women can and cannot do other things. Seems simple, and if they'd have stuck to the plan, it would have worked.

Instead, anything where women excel (multi-tasking etc.) is rammed down our throats time after time after time. Everything where women falter

(knowing left from right) is also blamed upon the male for not understanding the woman's brain. Anything the men excel (direction) at is

sparse, but played down when it's there and anything men don't do well at is the cause of much "jocularity" and usually subject to a

derogatory cartoon.

Here's a selection of some subject headings, cartoons and (annoyinglylarge and unnecessary italicised quotes):

Page xv: A cartoon entitled "A Sunday Drive" where the dad is at the wheel of a car. His wife is next to him, looking scared and the kids are

leaning out the back window with a sign saying, "HELP! WE ARE LOST BUT OUR DAD WON'T STOP TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS"

The text starts with a story about a family out for a drive where the dad gets angry because people are talking and he can't concentrate on

driving.

Page 4: [The first quote] How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? It's unknown, it's never happened.

Page 17: Chapter two starts with a cartoon of a man complaining he can't find the butter in the fridge.

Page 22: [Quote] Women have wider peripheral vision, men have tunnel vision.

Page 23: [Subject] Why Women's Eyes See So Much

Page 25: [Subject] Men and Ogling

Page 27: [Subject] Why Women Have A Sixth Sense

Page 29: [Subject] Why Men Can't Lie To Women
and [Subject] She Hears Better To...

Page 30: [Subject] Women Read Between the Lines

Page 31: [Subject] Why Boys Don't Listen

Page 32: [Subject] Men Miss The Details

Page 36: [Subject] Why Men Are So Thick-Skinned

Page 41: Chapter three starts with the age-old cartoon of a cross-section fo a female's and a male's brain. The male's is full of Sex,

exaggeration and "lame excuses" as well as tiny "Asking for directions microns" and one single "Hearing children in the middle of the night

neurone". Predictable, page 43 has the womens brain full of "committment" and "lie detector"

Page 47; [Quote] Tests show [uncredited] that women rate three percent higher in general intelligence than men.

Page 52: [Quote] Ask men and women if their brains work differently. Men will say they think they do, in fact there was something they were

reading on the Internet the other day... Women will say, of course they do - next question?

... and it carries on in that vein throughout. The annoying thing is, it's all true and we all know that, but why is there such a heavy

emphasis on the women's point of view?

Credit where it's due, I'm only one-third of the way through the book. If it gets better, I'll let you know.

Sadly, I have a feeling this will be my last post...

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Not what I was looking for., March 2, 2005

By	Daniel E. Monahan (Tokyo, Japan) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I bought this book with the intent of improvimg my relationship with my fiancee, only to be really disappointed. This book, although says its written for both men and women, is very clearly written to make women feel better about themselves. Some of the comments that I thought the other reviewers wrote are fairly accurate, such as the fact that women can indeed read maps, and the comment about reading this book and then justifying sleeping with other women was hilarious.

This book wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so repetitive and actually let the readers draw their own conclusions. For example, it says that in 1998, 99.1% of all secretaries were female. That's because women are better at communicating and doing many tasks simultaneously, they write. Is this really true, or is it maybe because secretaries generally get paid very little and men are expected to support a family and put women through college?

Another example that I really find unentertaining is how men are continuously referred to as "lunch-chasers". Is this really necessary? A joke is a joke, but this gets old really fast. It would be more entertaining if jokes were about both men and women, but they really are mostly about men. This book assumes that reader knows really nothing about men and women (which is a bit insulting premise). Additionally, the way men are portrayed is a bit harsh (not all of us yell and scream and "bark" at our girlfriends), and the advice is all what men should do to improve their relationship with women; almost nothing about what women can do to improve their relationship with men.

My recommendation? Read Stephen Pinker's "How The Mind Works". Its much more interesting, explains a lot more in finer detail and provides a more logical history about the differentces between men and women. His book doesn't claim anything the this book does and lets the reader think a bit more for themselves, and all of the studies are cited in the back.