Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned (Paperback)

by Stacy Whitman (Author), Wynne Whitman (Author) "Yes, the unthinkable has happened..." (more)
Key Phrases: cohabitation agreement, getting hitched, health care proxy, Ronny Roommate, New York City, San Francisco (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Citing a 72% increase in the number of couples shacking up in just the past decade, and claiming, for many, it is a "new step in the mating process," freelance magazine writer Stacy Whitman, teaming up with her sister Wynne, a tax and estate attorney, offers a "new millennium relationship handbook" for 20- and 30-somethings. By turns humorously irreverent and practical, the authors combine a hip, insider writing style with extensive interviews of couples who've lived together, expert advice from psychologists, social scientists, financial planners, and loads of Cosmo-style quizzes and advice boxes, allowing readers to assess their individual situation. Topics range from the momentous (breaking the news to your parents, how to tell if you're ready to tie the knot, and compiling joint purchase agreements) to the truly lighthearted (getting your boyfriend to ditch the wagon-wheel coffee-table, and taking matters, literally, into your "own hands" when your boyfriend can't sexually satisfy you). While admittedly targeted to the heterosexual, childless woman, this book will be useful for anyone else ready for the fantasy to end, and reality to begin.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal
Although these books examine the ins and outs of cohabitation from different viewpoints, they do agree on some basics: cohabitation is on the rise (there are 11 million cohabitors in this country today, claim Solot and Miller), and six out of ten couples live together before marriage (claim the Whitmans). Strangely enough, not many self-help manuals on the subject exist. Founders of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, Solot and Miller are a committed unmarried couple, and their book reflects this perspective. Although they acknowledge that many couples live together as a step before marriage, they are most concerned with couples who are planning to live together instead of getting married. They cover topics such as reasons why couples would decide not to get married, how unmarried couples can legally protect themselves, and how to agitate for acceptance of unmarried lifestyles. Stacy Whitman, a journalist currently living with her fianc , and her sister, lawyer Wynne Whitman, have a different focus. While they recognize that some couples might decide to live together ad infinitum, their advice pertains to couples for whom the wedding bells will eventually toll. They address many of the same areas as Solot and Miller, such as legal protection and how to deal with negative reactions from family and friends, but they also include advice on what to do if one member is not willing to tie the knot. Given the dearth of books on cohabitation, either of these would make great additions to public libraries. Also consider Ralph Warner and others' Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples, endorsed by the authors here.
Pam Matthews, M.L.S., Olmsted Falls, OH
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Broadway; 1 edition (March 18, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0767910400
• ISBN-13: 978-0767910408
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #329,846 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Guy's Review., February 2, 2007

By	Atomicwasteland (North Bethesda, MD USA) - See all my reviews

My girlfriend and I decided to move in together a little while back and she asked me to read this book which she had recently purchased in anticipation of our decision. She said it would be a great conversation starter and a way for us to talk about things that we hadn't discussed before. I said "sure", and read it, and thought it was well worth my time.

It is written by women, and for a woman's point of view, but I thought it applied equally as well to guys.

From my point of view, the advice in the book was very good. I especially liked how real life examples were brought into play every time the author wanted to illustrate a specific point -sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse.

I like how the author talked about the financial commitments of a move-in (which can be as important as the emotional commitment). Couples often have a hard time talking about money, like it sort of debases the relationship, or is a taboo subject. But I believe that if you love someone, you should want to protect them, and you would want to make sure that if anything ever happened to you (or your relationship) that you'd both want to emerge whole to start again. No you can't plan for disaster, but you can plan for what the author calls "a bonk on the head which changes your personality forever which then leads to a parting of ways". It makes sense.

Does anyone ever intend to leave a relationship if they make the decision to cohabitate? I doubt it -but that's exactly the point. The book speaks about all the things you need to consider about timing, about commitment, and the views of your relatives. I would hope that no one ever broke up because they took a couple of months longer to rent a place together while they were sorting these issues out. Take a deep breath, read this book, and compare your experiences to those inside. If when you read it you feel closer to your partner, then great! But if you get a scrunchy feeling in your belly, then stop, take a step back, and wait a few more months while you talk through some of these issues.

And finally, I wanted to share some of the notes that I jotted down while reading the book...

"Be accountable for your feelings. A person isn't MAKING you feel sad, angry, or frustrated; you're ALLOWING yourself to feel these things. By taking responsibility for your actions and emotions, you'll give yourself the power to change the situation".

"When faced with a stalemate, evaluate whether the issue is more important to your beau, or to you. If it means more to him, give in. If you, don't back down."

"With problems, focus on solutions rather than the stuff that can't be changed."

Sound advice, and highly recommended!

14 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars a good book to look over when making the decision, June 11, 2004

By	J. Jacobs - See all my reviews

This is an easy to read (I got through it in about two hours) and engagingly written book that helps you to think through whether you are ready to move in with your boyfriend and if so, what kind of issues should be thought about and discussed in advance. Though the book suggests giving your boyfriend this book to read, it's clearly aimed at women in heterosexual relationships. My one quip with the book was that there seemed to be some assumptions made throughout, such as almost certain opposition from the family, the guy making the suggestion of moving in together, a single reason for wanting to live together (rather than a combination of factors) and the female being more interested in eventual marriage. A lot of the information came from the author's experience and several dozen of their friends. I would have liked to see the circle of interviewees widened to get a broader view. But overall it's a good resource to look through, especially for the sections on making the decision, keeping the connection, and legal advice.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT BOOK...A Must Read!!, December 15, 2005

By	J. Carroll (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I bought this book after having the "talk" with my boyfriend of moving in together. I had always been the one wanting to move in and he was dragging his feet, but once we decided to start looking for a house I started to freak (not so sure anymore).

This book was so helpful to put things into perspective. Not only does this book give great advice and recommendations for couples thinking of moving in together....but it also gives such great relationship advice. From how to communicate, how to live together, how to work through problems...etc.

I think all young women should read this book before shaking up! It will give you great insight.