How to Say No to Your Toddler: Creating a Safe, Rational, and Effective Discipline Program for Your 9-Month to 3-Year Old (Paperback)

by William Wilkoff (Author) "We arrive at the threshold of parenting with our own unique collection of strengths and vulnerabilities..." (more)
Key Phrases: daycare providers, most toddlers, many toddlers (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

For many parents of toddlers, saying “no” over and over becomes a mantra for exhaustion. Why is it so difficult to convey the meaning of this tiny word? Because, says prominent pediatrician Will Wilkoff, actions speak louder than words when it comes to tots.

Sharing straightforward tactics that bridge the gap between an adult’s advanced logic and a child’s limited grasp of cause-and-effect, Dr. Wilkoff’s proven approach combines a consistent use of “time out” with an understanding of what causes parents to waver. In a direct, easy-to-implement style, How to Say No to Your Toddler . . . And Be Sure He Understands helps parents anticipate and overcome an impasse, determine whether their expectations are appropriate, and enhance a child’s sense of self-control and well-being for a lifetime.

Discipline requires inverse effort: The more energy parents are willing to devote to it early in a child’s life, the fewer problems the family will encounter later on. A welcome alternative to trying to “just tune it out,” Dr. Wilkoff’s expertise tackles tantrums once and for all.

From the Inside Flap

Teaching your toddler that ?no means no? now can save you both suffering. But how do you say it so that he?ll understand?

For many parents of toddlers, saying ?no? over and over becomes a mantra for exhaustion. Why is it so difficult to convey the meaning of this tiny word? Because, says pediatrician Will Wilkoff, when it comes to tots, actions speak louder than words.

Using very direct and simple guidelines, Dr. Wilkoff shows you how to develop a consistent and effective discipline plan. He explains what can go wrong with time-out and how to overcome obstacles, including your child?s rebelliousness, physical space issues, and your own reluctance. He also presents helpful advice for special situations, such as how to say no at meal times, at grandma?s house, and when your child is sick.

Presenting his compassionate and practical approach, Dr. Wilkoff shows how you can respond to the misbehavior of very young children while teaching them self-control that will benefit them throughout their lives. How to Say No to Your Toddler is the ideal guide for any parent who wants to take a more effective approach for raising healthy, happy children.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Broadway; 1 edition (October 14, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0767912748
• ISBN-13: 978-0767912747
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #246,847 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

81 of 86 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointed in this book--too rigid for younger toddlers, January 27, 2004

By	sleepymama (California) - See all my reviews

The book outlines a program of setting limits, setting consequences, and following through with them in order to shape your toddler's behavior. The author says that safety is the main concern, and that parents should pick what behaviors they want to change instead of over-restricting their behavior. You can't make them perfectly behaved, they're toddlers! So he asks parents to make a top ten list of specific behaviors they want to change. Like, refuses to take a nap, always plays with the vcr, runs out in the street, etc. I liked this part because it helped me see that my 13 month old isn't badly behaved ALL the time, he just does some things that drive me nuts.

So far, so good. He says that when the toddler does the activity you want to change, redirection should always be the first thing you try. If redirection works, great. But on most toddlers, it doesn't work most of the time. He says you have to tell them "no, we don't play with cords" and the reason why, but not to try to over-reason with them. But the only consequence he really outlines in the book is time-out, preferably in the child's room with the door closed (and latched if necessary). He says 1 minute of time out for every year of age. And the time out doesn't start until the child is quiet (or not screaming at least). This is where I have a problem with the book--it says it is for 9 months-3 years but there is no way you can give a 9 month old a time out!! That is just cruel. I don't think they really work with kids under 2, maybe some 18-24 month olds, depending on the child. But under 18 months, forget it!

He spends a lot of time talking about why misbehavior occurs and says it is usually because kids are overtied. Duh!!! He offers a rather simplistic (and ferber-ized) solution to solving sleep problems, and doesn't really take into account nursing toddlers or co-sleeping and is pretty dismissive of attachment parenting.

The reasoning behind this book is sound I think, but it is too rigid for most people to use especially with younger toddlers. 2-3 year olds with verbal capacity, maybe.

I bought this book hoping it would offer a more structured approach to discipline than some of the gentle discipline techniques that aren't working, especially redirection. But I don't see how time outs would help with my "velcro toddler." He suggests "convenience" time outs for the velcro toddler--four minutes in the child's room while you make a phone call, but how would he understand why he is in his room? How would a time out help with his fighting diaper changes? I don't see how letting him sit in his room in a dirty diaper for a minute would solve anything. He doesn't advocate spanking or swatting, but I was really looking for something in between redirection and harsh time outs for younger toddlers.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Helped me discipline without spanking, November 9, 2007

By	Ko-shing Lee (Savoy, IL USA) - See all my reviews

Probably the best thing I got out of this book for use with my toddler was the assurance that time-outs in the bedroom wouldn't spoil that place as forever associated with punishment thereafter. With this to comfort me, I was able to consistently offer and enforce time-outs as a consequence for my toddler's discipline, and she now alters her behavior with the threat of a time-out, takes it plenty seriously, and still enjoys playing in and hanging out in her bedroom at other times. I've never spanked her yet in her life (she's 27 months, and I spanked her older brothers plenty, before I bought into the possibility that time-outs could be an effective alternative), and she's well-behaved and sweet.

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars couldn't put it down, July 8, 2007

By	TM (MI) - See all my reviews

I couldn't finish reading this book fast enough. I read it in 2 days..I found this book to be very helpful for my situations with my 2 year old son.