Avoiding Mr. Wrong (and What To Do If You Didn't) Ten Men Who Will Ruin Your Life (Hardcover)

by Stephen Arterburn (Author), Dr. Meg J. Rinck (Author) "Rob could be classified as a classic detached man..." (more)
Key Phrases: detached workaholic, eternal kid, addictive sex, Holy Spirit, Christianity Today, Jesus Christ (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

You know the man. He's the one who looks good at a glance -- but not so good once you get to know him. What kind of women fall for him, and why? What are the chances he will change? And what if you've already married him?

More than just a checklist of men to steer clear of, Avoiding Mr. Wrong is a powerful tool to help women learn more about themselves and the Mr. Wrongs to whom they often feel drawn. Those men include: The Control Freak, The Mama's Boy, The Cowardly Lion, The Ungodly Man, and Mr. Wonderful.

Complete with a diagnostic quiz and quick reference lists, Avoiding Mr. Wrong is ideal for women whose hopes have been dashed again and again by a seemingly promising relationship. The book helps them to see more clearly, think more rationally, and act more wisely in the pursuit of Mr. Right.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson (April 7, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0785268898
• ISBN-13: 978-0785268895
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.3 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #99,624 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

56 of 56 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Mr. Who?, May 6, 2000

By	Vicki Wight (Dallas, Texas) - See all my reviews

This book is an excellent way to encourage women to analyze a relationship with a man and to realize that making emotional decisions may not be the best way to proceed if she is interested in a potential Mr. Wrong. I see Avoiding Mr. Wrong like a giant yellow light screaming "caution!" as it is whipped by the wind swaying to and fro in a busy intersection. Life is hectic and far too precious to waste trying to "fix" a man who fits the description of one of these guys in the book. Women will gain valuable insight reading this and re-reading it in order to comprehend the complexity of these destructive personality types. It's too easy these days to be fooled by Mr. Wrong out of naivete'or a tendency to be gullible, especially if a woman is attractive, intelligent and has a great personality or charisma and a tendency to attract the Mr. Wrong types described in the book. For the emotionally "needy" woman this book is a MUST. Reading Avoiding Mr. Wrong will not only cause her to take two steps backward away from Mr. Charm (who may have honed in on her neediness) but it will validate every woman's feelings who is or ever has been involved with a Mr. Wrong. Any woman who digests the contents of this book will certainly be wiser in the future. For the single woman, she may also consider reading Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. For the married woman, just now realizing she is married to Mr. Wrong, she may gain valuable insight by reading Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You by Paul Meier, M.D. which I'd rate 5 star as well. If she has married a man displaying jerklike tendencies or Mr. Wrong characteristics less than 50% of the time and he is willing to listen to her, it would be beneficial for the couple to study Boundaries in Marriage, also by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. The Boundaries series of books rate highly (4 or 5 star)too. If the husband isn't interested, I highly recommend women read Boundaries in Marriage anyway. We can all use the relational skills these books encourage and possibly even help a Mr. Right who is on the Mr. Wrong fence to fall to the right side. Even if you have already sampled him in person, at least reading this book will definitely help you feel better knowing your feelings have been validated by professionals!) MR. WRONG is not just a figment of your imagination as the authors clearly confirm with well written, detailed scenarios and common characteristics sprinkled with verses from God's Word. These valuable Bible references distinguish Avoiding Mr. Wrong from a male basher book since it is obviously written from a Christian perspective. For women who like to listen to live radio call-in talk shows focusing on building & nurturing significant relationships, the books I have recommended above were written by authors, Drs. Paul Meier, Henry Cloud and John Townsend who can be heard giving valuable advice daily on the "New Life Live!" national radio show hosted 'mainly' by Steve Arterburn and Mike Marino too. With over a century of combined experience in professional counseling the Boys really know their stuff and write COOL books with very practical advice for the woman looking for that Mr. Right! If you're stuck on Mr. Right, don't read this book because he may get the wrong idea if he sees you with it. Instead, let him know he is your Mr. Right and enjoy loving him (or someone else will).

65 of 67 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Out of the frying paninto character development, June 10, 2001

By	Victoria Tarrani "writer, editor, artist, des... (Betwixt FL and CA, USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

The authors' anger throughout the discussions of the personality traits is palpable. My guess is there has been excessive experience with these personas. If you can ignore the sarcasm, then this is an excellent resource. Although this self-help book was written for women, the characteristics that create a nightmare relationship are found in both genders.

The book shows the quirks and traits of difficult individuals, and describes the "red flags" of people to avoid. Addressing "why" Mr./Ms Wrong was chosen and how to help overcome the relationship are part of the formulas within "Avoiding Mr. Wrong." Many of these traits co-exist in the same person. Additionally, there are suggestions for Mr./Ms Wrong to change.

For the writers, this information helps in creating believable characters that take over the story and create the plots.

1. Detached (D): The detached spouse finds intimacy a difficult chore. To avoid emotional involvement this person may be a workaholic who leaves home before sunrise and comes home long after it has set. Or while home stays in the "other room," and is engrossed in a PC, books, movies, sports, music, etc., anything to add distance.

2. The control freak (CF): Prince Charming or a Dominatrix is the one who manages people and events. At first, the strong support may be alluring, but to keep control this personality must rule with an iron fist. Oddly enough, this pattern's root cause is fear, and the result is to create fear in the partner.

3. Mr. or Ms Wonderful (W): When someone is too good to be true, pay attention; this person goes to extremes. No rules apply to W; Wonderful is a treat, knows it, and expects to be in the spotlight constantly. No one else has any success worth talking about for longer than it takes to return the conversation to W.

4. The cowardly lion (CL): With a great deal of honesty and courage, Stephen Arterburn states that he relates to this persona. (1) CL gives in to peer pressure, (2) takes the easy way out (although the price is steeper as time goes by), (3) stays in failing relationships rather than leave, and more. Everyone experiences cowardice, but CL lives with the terrible knowledge of being cowardly.

5. The angry man (AM): This person will become violent. Having recently met an AM, I am amazed that the eighteen red flags are so accurate. Some of the traits are (1) jealous, (2) insecure, (3) possessive of the trophy mate and (4) reattaches quickly if there is a break-up, (5) blames others, (6) views sex as the answer to any issue, (7) threatens to harm you or your loved ones, and more. The book is worth the price for this bit of information alone.

6. The mama's boy (MB): Still living at home, MB appears to be perfect because of his or her devotion and caring for Mother or Father. There is only one person that can have priority in MB's life -- his mama or her papa.

7. The deceiver (TD): Hoping for truth, yet living the lie this relationship has little chance of success. When truth is relative, or what s/he does not know will not hurt, then truth changes from day to day or hour to hour. Loyalty, fidelity, and commitment become concepts that do not exist.

8. The addict (A): The life of the party is fun to be around, but can end up costing peace of mind and every asset that has been accrued.

9. The eternal kid (EK): Peter Pan, the eccentric genius, or Gilligan all have charm that beguiles while the personality begs to be taken care of. Someone has to be the adult -- so why not you? Wendy grows up; Peter takes no responsibility.

10. The ungodly man (UM): With no concept of spirituality, desperation rules UM. While claiming to have no faith in God's existence, UM blames God for the "bad things" that happen in the world. In addition, it is imperative to UM that he is right and believers are wrong.

This is a book packed with information about, and tips on how to avoid, getting involved with a person who can ultimately ruin your life. (5 stars) However, the heavy dose of sarcasm and anger take away the "page turner" aspect. (Delete one star.)

Victoria Tarrani

26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing, July 16, 2001

By A Customer

I have shared this book with many, many friends and their daughters. I share it in the hopes that it will keep others from marrying a Mr. Wrong. I am recently divorced, however, I began to read this book while separated from my husband. It helped me to better understand the dynamics of my marriage and my relationship with my husband. The power of this book is beyond measure. RED FLAG: NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS IN A HURRY TO MARRY. He may be a deceiver who is afraid that you will find out who he really is, so he hurries you. GREAT ADVICE: INTRODUCE HIM TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, BE OPEN TO THEIR INPUT. Mr. Wrong will try to keep away from those who will be honest with you. I now look at relationships in completely different ways, and often times find my self saying .... he is a deceiver, he is a momma's boy....etc. I will continue to read this book over time to avoid meeting a Mr. Wrong and marrying him. One critical feature of the book is identifying characteristics that are changable and those that are likely to never to change and are potentially dangerous. This is a must read.