What Woman Want Men to Know: The Ultimate Book About Love, Sex, and Relationships for You--and the Man You Love (Hardcover)

~ Barbara De Angelis (Author) "I wrote this book for you, and for the man you love..." (more)
Key Phrases: Love Room, Chicken Man, Slippery Man (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Like John Gray, relationship expert and motivational speaker DeAngelis (Are You the One for Me?, etc.) highlights recognizable distinctions between the needs and communicating styles of men and women. Based upon the experiences of "tens of thousands of people" and women's responses to a questionnaire, her latest work aspires to offer "simple, practical ways to communicate and make both (sexes) happier." Though arguably bordering on stereotype, her easily digestible truths (women put love first, are creators, have a sacred relationships with time) can help both sexes gain perspective. But treacly writing (e.g., "no beauty treatment... outfit... jewels... can make a woman look as radiant as when she is feeling loved") and heavy-handed admonitions (e.g., to read the book "from start to finish") detract from more helpful observations. However, restraint is not DeAngelis's trademark, nor what fans expect. Though the focus is on interpreting women's behavior (e.g., viewing being "too emotional" as "in touch with feelings"), men's behavior doesn't seem to merit the same consideration. For example, she lists the top-10 male habits that drive women crazy (vagueness, emotional withdrawal, lying to avoid unpleasantness, bossing women around) without further elucidation. Perhaps DeAngelis is saving the interpretations for the sequel, but it's a shame to turn off men who may benefit from her genuine insights in, for example, the small but provocative section on sex. (Aug.)Forecast: Women will flock to this, as they have to her other bestsellers, but the intended male audience may prove difficult to capture.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

DeAngelis (Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know) here writes for both men and women, aiming to help men understand the women in their lives and to help women understand themselves more clearly. She divides her book into three sections: what women want men to know about them, about love, intimacy, and communication, and about sexual turnoffs and turnons. The material comes from DeAngelis's 25 years of counseling, events in her own life and the lives of her friends, and a questionnaire she sent to hundreds of women. DeAngelis has a frank, to-the-point style, but she is neither profane nor voyeuristic. She hopes that a woman could hand this book to her companion and say "Read this and you will understand me" and it is just that sort of book. It delivers what it promises, is compelling reading, and is easy to grasp, with boxed hints and the use of both boldface and italics to help readers separate her ideas. Her concepts of the "dove pie" and "Love House" are worthy of the price of the book. Great talk-show material, this will be popular in public libraries. Susan E. Burdick, MLS, Reading, PA
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 384 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; 1 edition (August 22, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786866950
• ISBN-13: 978-0786866953
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.1 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #315,355 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful for Discussing How to Have a Better Relationship, August 8, 2001

By	Professor Donald Mitchell "Jesus Makes Me a P... (Boston) - See all my reviews (TOP 10 REVIEWER)

Dr. De Angelis has written a passionate appeal to men that is designed to help them improve their relationships with women. This book will probably be given as a gift by wives to husbands and girl friends to their boy friends. If someone gives you this book, see it as an act of love that will help you.

While some books about what men need to know totally take the woman's perspective, this book is well balanced. Dr. De Angelis seems to understand male psychology almost as well as she understands her own. Years ago she wrote a parallel book on what men want women to know that demonstrates that understanding. In this book she is careful to keep that balance. For example, the beginning sections include separate messages to women and men for how to give and receive this book, and work with it in loving ways. She also states at several points in bold type, "I love men." She also doesn't seem to be trying to turn men into women.

The book's premise is based on thousands of contacts Dr. De Angelis has had with women and a questionnaire that she distributed. She points out that what she has to say doesn't describe every woman. Each is unique. Men are encouraged to discuss the points in the book to find out which of them do fit the women they care about. This kind of conversation will be an important and valuable use of the book.

The fundamental divide between men and women in relationships is that women put love first and it fills and colors every part of what they do and think about. Men put achievement first, and compartmentalize love into a small portion of their lives. A real eye-opener for me was one woman's love diary about her loving thoughts concerning her man. He was seldom out of her mind for more than ten minutes at a time. Few men would think about a woman as often, except during the most extreme times of early infatuation.

I found it mentally exhausting to think about all of the things suggested here to be more loving. The good news is that no one needs to do all of these things unless they want to and it feels terrific to do so.

The most useful advice in the book comes in terms of "reframing" or seeing what a woman does in a new light. Being asked where you were isn't "checking up on you" or "over control." You are encouraged to see this as a sign of deep commitment and caring. You also learn to make an occasional telephone call to remove these anxious cross-examinations that most men despise.

Realizing that most women do put love first, want to improve things creatively (not because they are bad, but just for fun), and are focused on time allows men the opportunity to connect to that reality with less effort and with less disruption to their own lives. On the time point, time expands for men (which is why we sometimes lose track of time) while it contracts for women (filling their minds with all kinds of awful thoughts about what could be going wrong).

The book's many suggestions for how to be viewed as a better husband will undoubtedly improve many relationships. I especially liked the section on things not to say. I was impressed to realize that my wife had asked me to say one of these things to her when I thought it was true (in a loving way) because she so much did not want to have that particular problem. This was a valuable insight to me.

For younger men, the section on what is pleasing to women about sex will probably be very helpful in making that part of the relationship better for both. My favorite example here was a woman who described sex as a "three" on a scale of one to ten with ten being the highest. The man said it as a "nine." Dr. De Angelis asked the man to describe why it was a "nine." As he told what he had been thinking, his wife was thrilled and she described hearing his thoughts about her as a "ten." Sexual pleasure begins and ends in the mind, and it is easy for men to lose sight of that.

As you can see, the examples and quotes in the book are very revealing and take the masses of lists and verbiage and make them practical and easy-to-understand.

After you have finished considering this helpful book, do take the time to discuss it with your wife or girl friend. Just reading about these ideas is not enough. You have to talk about them, and then follow up on the ones that feel right for you both. By the way, it's okay to suggest a duration for the first part of this conversation in advance.

Enjoy the happiness and serenity of a better relationship!

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND!, August 14, 2001

By	Sandra D. Peters "Seagull Books" (Prince Edward Island, Canada) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

I like this author's writing style and the easy, comfortable manner in which she graps the reader's attention. Barbara has, once again, separated the men from the women in her new book which looks at the communication gap between the sexes.

As a counsellor, I cannot tell you the number of times a man has sat across from me and said, "My wife does not understand me" or the number of times a woman has said, "My husband doesn't understand what I need from our relationship." This book will definitely help bridge the communication gap and open the doors to a fuller, enriched and more loving relationship. First of all, husbands and wives are not mind-readers, and the best solution to improving relationships is always a heart-to-heart talk to discover just what does please your partner, and what really ticks him or her off. Secondly, according to the author, "women put love first." I know of several men who also put "love first" but may show their love in an entirely different manner. Sometimes actions speak louder than words; words mean nothing, no matter how endearing or how many "I love you's are spoken," if actions contradict the words.

The only negative aspects encountered in the book were (1) the author's tendancy to stereotype men and woman, and categorize their needs into nice, neat little compartments, and (2) the author's somewhat flowery, mundane cliches. For those reasons, the book lost a star in the rating. In reality, based on years of experience in the field, it is a known fact not everyone fits into a common mold. Not all women have the same behavioural traits, nor do men. In regard to the list presented in the book which prioritizes the "top ten male habits which drive woman crazy", many of the habits would also drive men crazy. What man would appreciate being "bossed around", enjoy "emotional withdrawal" or would willingly accept "lying to avoid unpleasantness"? These are not habits that either gender would welcome.

Overall, the book does contain some very helpful advice in improving gender communication and is certainly a book worth reading... and contemplating. If one sees himself or herself among the pages it might serve as a red-alert, wake up call to smell the coffee before your partner finds someone else who IS ready and willing to provide what is lacking in the relationship. Hopefully, men will not view the book as "male bashing" and will share the same appreciation for the book as the throngs of women who anxiously await each and every one of the author's upcoming books.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Ruined By Exaggerated Stereotypes About Men And Women, November 14, 2005

By	Chris Luallen (Nashville, Tennessee) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book is based on the author's very stereotypical views of both the male and female genders. She continually describes all women as being essentially emotional creatures who need constant support and affirmation from men. Similarily, she depicts all men as being analytical and goal orientated people who place less value on romance and relationships. Obviously, men and women are different in certain ways and De Angelis does occasionally make some valid points about communication styles and how to better understand your significant other. But her comments are so exaggerated and generalized that she really destroys her own credibility.

Most people that are more open-minded about gender roles and don't fit into her extreme stereotypes will feel this book doesn't apply to them. She is also very insulting towards those who don't fit her gender stereotypes. For example, she describes a certain more analytical and less emotional woman she once knew, Abby, as being disconnected to her true "womanhood" because of bad past experiences. Maybe the reality is that people are just more complex and intricate than the simple stereotypes De Angelis would like to portray.