WHAT ABOUT THE BIG STUFF?: FINDING STRENGTH AND MOVING FORWARD WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series) (Hardcover)

~ (Author) "There is so much we can learn from the big stuff in our lives..." (more)
Key Phrases: calm resolve, meditation student, busy mind, San Francisco, Dalai Lama

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In Carlson's bestselling Don't Sweat books, he declares that the right perspective can help everyday troubles seem less worrisome. Here he attempts to answer a question he received from thousands of readers. Tackling the "big stuff"-e.g., death, divorce, illness, September 11-Carlson offers a kind of advanced-level self-help book that's as heartfelt and useful as his "small stuff" guides. "Fortunately, a vast majority... is small stuff.... However, there's no denying that `big stuff' exists," he admits. The key to handling it, he says, is to prepare by learning how to practice inner peace. If one is ready, according to Carlson, one can better handle pain. Drawing on Eastern and Western religions, he advises readers on mourning a loved one's death ("Healing from a loss is a natural process of life-just as healing from a broken bone is") and coping with why that person had to die so soon ("The first step toward inner peace... is admitting the fact that we simply don't know certain answers"). He also shares Mother Teresa's thoughts on doing "small things with great love"-since cultivating compassion can help one prepare for big stuff-as well as Buddhist philosophies on the power of forgiveness. Many of the messages readers have heard repeatedly in churches, synagogues, memorial services and even on Oprah. But dealing with the repercussions of September 11 and massive job layoffs, people want and need to hear them again. Carlson's many real-life examples of folks going through hard times and hard decisions are right on.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

With these two works, publishers continue to milk the desire for feel-good books. Acting more as a compiler than a writer, Allenbaugh serves up more bland, warm-and-fuzzy anecdotes la the successful "Chocolate" series (Chocolate for a Teen's Heart; Chocolate for a Mother's Heart). Women ranging from housewives to business professionals contributed 77 brief and sentimental stories that illustrate pluckiness in the face of adversity. "The Tattooed Stranger," for example, explores prejudice and how to overcome it. Carlson's book will rev the engines of self-helpers without kicking them into drive. Like many of his previous titles (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff), his latest is observational and general, with generic wisdoms that quickly become repetitive. Entries wax on a range of topics, including divorce, stress, and the grieving process. Carlson misses more than he hits, although good points sometimes emerge, e.g., in "Dedicate Yourself to Mindfullness," he exhibits uncharacteristic clarity in advising readers to experience thoughts and emotions peacefully. Of little practical use, this is more a pep talk than a means to an end. Read it in conjunction with more focused titles like T.D. Jakes's frankly Christian Woman Thou Art Loosed: Healing the Wounds of the Past. As with entries in the popular "Small Miracles," "Taste Berries for Teens," and "Chicken Soup" series, these books contain so much recycled material that libraries would be better off purchasing them only on demand. There are also serviceable single volumes like Barry and Joyce Vissell's Meant To Be: Miraculous Stories To Inspire a Lifetime of Love or Anna Quindlen's A Short Guide to a Happy Life.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion; 1 edition (October 8, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786868848
• ISBN-13: 978-0786868841
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.8 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #646,887 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Another winner from Carlson!, January 20, 2003

By	Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

If Richard Carlson writes something, I'm going to make it a
point to read it . . . I loved DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
and his many books that followed (DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL
STUFF AT WORK, DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF FOR
MEN, etc.) . . . his words are simple, yet they make sense . . . and they seem to be written directly to you, as if he were speaking to you on a one-on-one basis.

His latest, WHAT ABOUT THE BIG STUFF? does just what it promises in the subtitle; i.e., helps you find strength and move forward when the stakes are high . . . the book tackles a range of difficult issues--from illness, death, injury, and
aging to alcoholism, divorce and financial pressures--but
does so in a manner that is not preachy . . . I actually felt
better after reading Carlson's suggestions on handling
these various situations in a proactive fashion.

In addition, I liked he got me thinking about how I
would handle things that might come my way . . . or
that might be encountered by friends and/or relatives . . . while he doesn't propose glib comebacks, he does give you
many useful ideas as to responses that might lend comfort
to those in need of it.

In reviewing my notes, I'm finding it difficult to choose
just a few parts to share, which is always a good
sign . . . but here goes anyway:

I was sitting with a friend at lunch about ten days after the
terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. With
tears in her eyes, she said, "Did you notice that not a single person on any of the hijacked planes who had the opportunity to make a phone call called their stockbroker?" Far from being facetious, she was making an obvious but very important point. When the stakes are high, only one thing matters: love. No one is concerned about their weight or the way they look. They aren't upset that life isn't perfect. they aren't fretting about high taxes, the liberals or conservatives, previous conflicts, disputes with neighbors, or a lack of parking. They don't care about the rates of return on their investment portfolio. They aren't focused on any of their grievances.
Indeed, the only thing that matters, when it really matters, is love. The question is, "Why do we treat life as if it doesn't really matter right now?"

On the flip side, we're more careful to evaluate each situation before saying yes. When asked if you can do something, you should ask yourself two questions. First, "Is this something I have to do?" And second, "Is this something I want to do?" I you don't answer yes to at least one of these questions, you'll probably learn to say no more often. In the process, you'll begin to create more time for those things that really matter. After all, what's "bigger" than time itself?

One of my favorite descriptions of life is that it's just "one mistake after another with a little time in between." Despite its humor, this is a pretty accurate way of seeing things. If you think about it, its true. We make mistakes, we (hopefully) learn from them; we make adjustments and move on. At some point, there will be another mistake, and so forth. In the meantime, everyone else is going through the same process. Your parents are making mistakes, as are your friends, neighbors, children, coworkers, and everyone else.

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Carlson has done it again!, October 10, 2002

By	"rockclimber" (California, USA) - See all my reviews

I am only part way through this book but I was compelled to write a review. I had been in a "funk" the last couple of weeks -- which is very unusual for me. On a scale of 0-10 on the happiness scale I'm usually around an 8 or a 9.

I had some "big stuff" happen in my life and I felt so down that I really didn't feel like getting out of bed in the morning. Richard Carlson's gentle - but powerful - ideas have already helped me shift my perspective and see a new light where before I was only seeing gray clouds.

When I've completed this book I'll be back with a more complete review. For now, let me just say this is Richard Carlson's best work to date. He obviously put his heart and his soul into every chapter and every sentence of this book. Thank you Dr. Carlson. You have made a positive difference in my life and I'm sure this book will do the same for many others.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Big author who knows his big stuff!, January 14, 2003

By	Dr Cathy Goodwin (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

I must admit I'm somewhat biased against "big" self-help authors. However, Richard Carlson knows his (pardon the expression) stuff.
His recommendations, couched in the language of self-help, derive from solid psychological research.

Small stuff is defined as whatever won't be important in six months or a year. However, to his credit, and unlike many cheery self-help authors and coaches, Carlson admits that sometimes you can't go home again.

Some of the chapters offer straightforward, not especially original self-help, but the book is worth the read. The most helpful chapters focus on the need to "beware" a "busy mind." Solutions come from staying calm.

I concur! Often I find myself telling clients, "Take a break from thinking about this decision," and now I can refer them to Carlson's Big Stuff book.

You won't find "be happy" platitudes here, and that's a plus.
Carlson writes well and he's convincing. Even if you've seen some of this before ("shift perspective" "take time to heal"), Carlson gathers these ideas together in a new way. I would recommend this book to anyone who's going through some "big stuff."