Beyond The Myth of Marital Happiness (Paperback)

by Blaine J. Fowers Ph.D. (Author) "One of our most cherished desires today is to have a satisfying marriage..." (more)
Key Phrases: nondefensive listening, marital preparation, character friendship, United States, Middle Ages, Native American (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"Fowers's inspiring new approach to marriage may well provide the missing link in our struggle to rebuild and fortify the flagging institution of marriage. All couples--from starry-eyed newlyweds to those about to throw in the towel--should take turns reading this book aloud to each other." --Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education

"At last we have a book that sets forth the true basis for Anduring marriages. It moves beyond the psychobabble about emotional payoff and beyond even today's panacea of 'communication' to describe real marriage as a partnership directed toward ends good in themselves." --Robert N. Bellah, professor of sociology, emeritus, University of California Berkeley, coauthor, The Good Society

"I've read a lot of books, for a lot of years, about a lot of theories pertaining to marriage. But none of them have come close to capturing the beauty, lyrical quality, and profound truth of this book. This book is different from all the rest. The truth shines out from it." --Philip Cushman, author, Constructing the Self, Constructing America

Product Description
According to psychologist Blaine Fowers, the myth of marital happiness-that good communication, emotional gratification, and intimacy result in a healthy relationship-has made marriages more fragile than ever before and we must let it go. Does this mean that we should give up on love, satisfaction, intimacy, emotional support, good communication, and good sex in marriage? That marriage must be continued solely on the basis of grim commitment? That no one should divorce? Not at all. Instead, Dr. Fowers shows how we can re-envision marriage as a wonderful opportunity to practice the virtues of friendship, loyalty, generosity, and justice in the shared pursuit of our deepest ideals.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1 edition (August 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0787945676
• ISBN-13: 978-0787945671
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #864,462 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Less Romantic, More Functional Angle, December 27, 2000

By A Customer

This is the first relationship book I've read that approaches the popular view of marriage as cultural myth. Our myth says that two people meet, "fall in love", then marry based on this feeling, and with the anticipation of marriage being basically a happy extension of dating, forever. With this unrealistic view of marriage, it's not surprising so few marriages last.

Dr. Fowers sees successful marriage as more than two people's ability to make each other happy. He sees marriage as a partnership where two people practice being their best selves, and work together for some worthy cause such as raising children well, promoting a cause, or supporting the arts. The book states that the four virtues necessary for a good marriage are friendship, loyalty, generosity, and justice. He defines each in detail. He goes beyond "good communication skills" as a foundation for a solid marriage. It's not as fun to read about a working partnership as it is to anticipate lifelong emotional bliss, but this view of marriage seems much more realistic and workable. He barely touches on why we choose the person we do, and sex is barely mentioned at all, again distinguishing this book from most others in the genre.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Thought Provoking and Wise, February 13, 2003

By	Mary Martinson - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book resonates truth like no other marriage book I've read (and I've read many). Marriages haven't worked in our culture because we have made feelings the primary judge of their quality. How liberating it is to realize that marriage is so much bigger, so much more valuable than any fickle feelings either individual might have. This book has completely changed my perspective and my marriage. I recommend this book to anyone who loves his/her spouse but feels generally unfulfilled or disappointed with marriage.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Down to earth good sense, November 12, 2002

By A Customer

The is the only book I've seen where somebody admits that character counts in marriage and that love is sustained by working on meaningful projects--like parenting, for example--together. His angle is refreshingly subversive in a culture where most therapists discuss negotiating rights and communication skills. All that is good, but this book brings out the basics that are not fashionable to mention. Dr Fowers is the kind of guy I wish lived nearby; he comes across warm, humble and smart.