Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (New & Revised) (Paperback)

by Howard J. Markman (Author), Scott M. Stanley (Author), Susan L. Blumberg (Author) "Why are you reading this book?..." (more)
Key Phrases: talking safely, four hallmarks, couple identity, Speaker-Listener Technique, Time Out, New Perspectives (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"...recommended for public and social work libraries owing to the tried-and-true methodology it explains." -- Library Journal, November 15, 2001

"Just about everyone can improve their marriage.... They can learn skills to help them handle negative emotions in marriage. It's the discord that hurts kids," -- USA Today, December 13, 2001

To this new edition (the original came out in 1994), the authors have added current research on marriage and societal changes. At its core, however, remains the program that Markman and Scott Stanley, codirectors of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, created to help couples overcome nuptial difficulties: the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). Based on empirical research, PREP emphasizes teaching couples to handle conflict better by using the speaker-listener technique, which involves having one person speak at a time while the other actively listens. Because of the authors' unfortunate attempts at humor and some rather unncessary and slapdash-looking cartoon, this is perhaps not to most appealing manual on the subject. Nonetheless, it's still recommended for public and social work libraries owing to the tried-and-true methodology it explains. (Library Journal, November 15, 2001)

"Just about everyone can improve their marriage.... They can learn skills to help them handle negative emotions in marriage. It's the discord that hurts kids," (USA Today, December 13, 2001)

Review
"A divorce prevention society should be formed to place a copy of this book in every hotel room in Niagara Falls-scratch that, every hotel room in this country. Every wife or husband struggling to say married, especially happily married, should read this book." — Maggie Gallagher, coauthor, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, & Better Off Financially

"I love this book! If you want to be happily, successfully married, buy it, master it, and it's all you'll every need. While you're at it, buy a copy for every couple you love. You won't need one for your kids, they'll learn by watching you." — Diane Sollee, founder and director, Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education

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Product Details

• Paperback: 374 pages
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass; 1st edition (August 6, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0787957445
• ISBN-13: 978-0787957445
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (39 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #4,801 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

172 of 174 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book saved our marriage!, January 23, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (Paperback)

My husband and I married in our mid thirties thinking we had a lock on good communication skills and knowing we were mature enough to really make this marriage work. Nonetheless, it wasn't long before we were "mired in muck". When a small conflict arose, we found ourselves so caught up in being right and fighting our point to the death that small events escalated into huge issues. We could feel the good things in our relationship slipping away and felt helpless to fix the problem. (This was AFTER reading probably 20 different books on marriage, doing the Barbara D'Angelis program, the Gary Smally Program, attending several couples workshops, etc.). Contemplating calling it quits on our marriage, I happened accross this book, loved it, then went to a PREP workshop. Our marriage is AWESOME. We actually know how to hear and be heard and have the skills to RESOLVE the conflicts. (By the way, note the "I". My spouse hasn't read the book and refused to go to the workshop.) I learned the skills and used them in our marriage and our relationship changed. It even works with kids, in-laws, co-workers.... Yippee!

34 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Most helpful book for our marriage ever, December 14, 2005

By	Georgia Peach - See all my reviews

This review is from: Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (Paperback)

This book is wonderful! My husband and I have read many marriage books throughout our 19 year marriage, and this one (read when we had been married for 13 years) made the biggest difference in our marriage. Though we thought we had become good at communicating, this book brought us to a whole new level. With the speaker-listener technique, the "speaker" feels such comfort in knowing that the other person has truly heard what he or she is trying to communicate. This is achieved by having the "listener" repeat back what the "speaker" has said without any judgement or defensiveness (this is key). The listener can find comfort in knowing that THEIR turn will come next, when they can then express their thoughts and feelings and even respond to the other person's original comments. There are certain "below the belt" comments that are prohibited, which lend a feeling of safety, so that one is not afraid to bring up volatile subjects. Often, before we read this book, I felt I had three choices if I was unhappy with something in our marriage. I could say nothing and put up with up it (bad choice #1.) I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, but he was often defensive and would become angry and not open up and truly listen to what I was saying (bad choice #2.) Or, I could talk to him about it as nicely as I could think of, and he would see how his actions were hurtful and cry but not truly have understood enough to make much of a change in the future (bad choice #3.) This just made me sad and feel guilty and didn't change much about the situation. So, by implementing the ideas in this book, and adding a "Please do not get sad and cry" rule, it was as if a barrier on certain issues was FINALLY passed. If I could, I would buy this book for every married couple I know, those having trouble AND those who just want to enhance their already stable marriage.

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must for married/committed couples, January 1, 2002

By A Customer

I read the original version of this book at the library and bought my own copy because it was so helpful. The book explains specific negative patterns that develop in marriages, and gives specific, workable techniques to really resolve conflict and strenthen the relationship. Issues such as validation, rebuilding trust, building effective communication patterns, and enhancing the fun in the relationship are covered. I highly recommend this book for anyone in a serious relationship and I wish I had found it long ago. It is easy to read with many specific examples and humorous touches.