Gili's Book: A Journey Into Bereavement for Parents and Counselors (Paperback)

~ Henya Kagan Klein (Author)
Key Phrases: readjustment model, parental bereavement, outward steps, Life Without Gili, First Discoveries, Gili's Life (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Written as an ongoing dialogue, this is an account by a mother and psychologist about the death of her 11-year-old daughter by a reckless driver. The mother pours out her grief, and the pscychologist steps in and makes observations and conclusions about the process of bereavement.

Product Details

• Paperback: 157 pages
• Publisher: Teachers College Press (May 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0807737461
• ISBN-13: 978-0807737460
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.1 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,023,907 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Review of Gili's Book, December 22, 1999

By	Nita Aasen (St. Peter, Mn.) - See all my reviews

This spring I was doing a literature review on bereaved parents and grief resolution and Gili's Book popped up on the screen. Initially I received a copy from the library but after reading it, I knew that I had to have my own copy.

What was so refreshing about this book was that it was not syrupy. In fact, it was anything but syrupy. The pain, agony, and her grief was so real. It was also real in that Kagan (Klein) did not promise that life would ultimately be wonderful or happy again. Instead she was very up front in saying that parental grief was a unique kind of grief and that it was likely to last a lifetime. As a bereaved parent myself, I definitely prefer to hear the truth, hard as it may be, than be fed a line that tries to cover up or camouflage what may be ahead of me.

What I found particularly helpful about the book was Kagan (Klein's) differenntiation between sadness and depression, surviving and living, and a hope and mission. It described me to a T. Five years ago, two of my three young adult sons were killed in a Thanksgiving car accident and consequently, I have been told I was depressed. My thoughts were, "No, I am not depressed. I'm sad. I'm always sad."

Some of the characteristics of deep sadness and how it differs from depression as described by the author are as follows. With the deep sadness that occurs after the death of a child (Children), the cause of the sadness is very clear and it may last a lifetime. True for me (With depression, the cause may be unknown and it may or may not go away with or without treatment) A person experiencing deep sadness responds to touch, warmth and resassurance. True for me (Depression may involve a lot of coaxing and bribing) Finally deep sadness is associated with a spiritual quest to find some meaning in life. Unquestionably true for me. (Depression may result in a person losing energy and motivation to keep on going with daily activities).

I read this description and I felt so validated, supported and understood. These words affirmed that what I was feeling and thinking was also true for many bereaved parents. I was not alone!

Another aspect of Gili's Book that I found very helpful was Kagan (Klein's) stageless and timeless model for grief resolution. It took so much pressure off my back for unrealistic expectations for grief resolution.

Since the deaths of my sons, I have felt the words healing, closure, recovery and resolution were completely inappropriate. In fact, I felt as if I was being set up to fail. The term stages and process imply that what has a beginning also has an ending. Kagan (Klein's) model of parental bereavement described grieving the death of a child as ongoing and likely lasting a lifetime. This, too, describes my reality.

It would be wonderful if friends and family of bereaved parents would read this book. It might help them accept that the death of a child turns the bereaved parent's life upside down and inside out. It might also help them understand that we will never be the same again; we become very different people from what we were before the death of our child.

As a bereaved parent, I think this book would be best read a couple of years into the grief journey. It's at that point that the bereaved parent begins to realize that, contrary to societal expectations, their grief and sadness is likely to be ongoing

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Review of Gili's Book, December 22, 1999

By	Nita Aasen (St. Peter, Mn.) - See all my reviews

This spring I was doing a literature review on bereaved parents and grief resolution and Gili's Book popped up on the screen. Initially I received a copy from the library but after reading it, I knew that I had to have my own copy.

What was so refreshing about this book was that it was not syrupy. In fact, it was anything but syrupy. The pain, agony, and her grief was so real. It was also real in that Kagan (Klein) did not promise that life would ultimately be wonderful or happy again. Instead she was very up front in saying that parental grief was a unique kind of grief and that it was likely to last a lifetime. As a bereaved parent myself, I definitely prefer to hear the truth, hard as it may be, than be fed a line that tries to cover up or camouflage what may be ahead of me.

What I found particularly helpful about the book was Kagan (Klein's) differenntiation between sadness and depression, surviving and living, and a hope and mission. It described me to a T. Five years ago, two of my three young adult sons were killed in a Thanksgiving car accident and consequently, I have been told I was depressed. My thoughts were, "No, I am not depressed. I'm sad. I'm always sad."

Some of the characteristics of deep sadness and how it differs from depression as described by the author are as follows. With the deep sadness that occurs after the death of a child (Children), the cause of the sadness is very clear and it may last a lifetime. True for me (With depression, the cause may be unknown and it may or may not go away with or without treatment) A person experiencing deep sadness responds to touch, warmth and resassurance. True for me (Depression may involve a lot of coaxing and bribing) Finally deep sadness is associated with a spiritual quest to find some meaning in life. Unquestionably true for me. (Depression may result in a person losing energy and motivation to keep on going with daily activities).

I read this description and I felt so validated, supported and understood. These words affirmed that what I was feeling and thinking was also true for many bereaved parents. I was not alone!

Another aspect of Gili's Book that I found very helpful was Kagan (Klein's) stageless and timeless model for grief resolution. It took so much pressure off my back for unrealistic expectations for grief resolution.

Since the deaths of my sons, I have felt the words healing, closure, recovery and resolution were completely inappropriate. In fact, I felt as if I was being set up to fail. The term stages and process imply that what has a beginning also has an ending. Kagan (Klein's) model of parental bereavement described grieving the death of a child as ongoing and likely lasting a lifetime. This, too, describes my reality.

It would be wonderful if friends and family of bereaved parents would read this book. It might help them accept that the death of a child turns the bereaved parent's life upside down and inside out. It might also help them understand that we will never be the same again; we become very different people from what we were before the death of our child.

As a bereaved parent, I think this book would be best read a couple of years into the grief journey. It's at that point that the bereaved parent begins to realize that, contrary to societal expectations, their grief and sadness is likely to be ongoing

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Review by Another Mom, September 13, 2000

By	June P. Gibbs (Knoxville, TN USA) - See all my reviews

A friend who, like myself and Dr. Kagan Klein, lost a childgave me her copy of Gili's Book to read. My 14-year-old daughter Casey died in a car wreck four years ago. I have read so many books in the past four years, and many of them have been very good books. But none compares to Gili's Book. There are so many similarities in the feelings Dr. Kagan Klein expresses -- and the feelings I "feel."...

In addition to her personal insights, Dr. Kagan Klein shares... eight typical reactions in cases of sudden death. These describe my experiences so well.

I think that only another parent whose child has died knows how it really feels. Dr. Kagan Klein KNOWS, and that's something that sets her book apart. She speaks to us and for us.

I thank Dr. Kagan Klein for writing this book and helping other moms like me. END