Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them Without Becoming One of Them (Bestselling Author Jay Carter Helps Reader Break Away from T) (Paperback)

by Jay Carter (Author) "It's hard to recognize an invalidator, because a truly good one can bypass the scrutiny of your logical mind, and find yourself feeling bad without..." (more)
Key Phrases: being invalidated, The Cycle of Invalidation

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
How to spot and conquer nasty behavior. Learn the secrets of handling these people by using everything from humor to confrontation.

From the Back Cover
Surefire methods to neutralize the nasty people in your life

Have you been hurt, betrayed, or degraded by a nasty person? Perhaps it's your boss, your parent, or your spouse. Whoever it is, he or she is an invalidator who feeds on your self-esteem, mental anguish, and unhappiness. But you can stop this cycle of abuse and put an end to sneak attacks on your soul--without resorting to nasty tactics.

In this updated bestselling guide to staying sane while dealing with difficult people, Jay Carter, Psy.D., calls upon decades of practice and observation to offer proven strategies for avoiding toxic relationships. With straight-talking advice, real-life anecdotes, and psychology that makes sense, Dr. Carter gives you the surefire tricks and techniques you need to:

• Identify the invalidators in your life
• Protect your sanity
• Use humor to get out of the blame game
• Conquer self-doubt
• Stop invalidating yourself
• Confront emotional bullies
• See the bigger picture
• Reclaim the captain's seat of your soul

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 96 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill/Contemporary (April 1, 1989)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0809244063
• ISBN-13: 978-0809244065
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.4 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #660,971 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Dark Side of Understanding Human Relations..., August 4, 2006

By	Mark "Bottom line only please..." (Raleigh, NC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Nasty People (Paperback)

Wow! That's what I have to say about this book, after having been raised in the Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and Maxwell's "21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership" School of human relations. That school of thought prescribes that you treat others with respect and dignity, expect the best of others, protect others, and lead through positive example.

What lead me to this book is not everyone responds to the above, and whenever I encountered deception, insincerity, or deceit, I always assumed it was a result of my personal leadership shortcomings.

After reading this book, I think I've experienced my share of invalidators, both those I've worked for, and subordinates (who attempt to use the invalidation techniques described in the book to subtly manipulate). And in retrospect, I've probably been guilty of some of the invalidation techniques described in the book.

Just as Carter states in the book that some people have personality disorders, and some people are criminals AND have personality disorders (i.e. the former doesn't excuse the latter), he also makes the distinction of those who unintentionally slip into invalidation behavior, and those who are hardcore, guilt-free INVALIDATORS.

BOTTOMLINE: I'd highly recommend this book to anyone trying to understand others, whether for leadership or just to improve personal relations. It's a quick read and Carter's writing style is engaging and entertaining while remaining of topic.

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Worth 100 times its weight in gold, May 20, 1999

By A Customer

To be sure one of the best concise self-help books. This book should be read by anyone who experiences frequent and serious conflicts. Hopefully, the "victim" and "the invalidator" will both be able to read it, it helps with both coping from the attacks and how to recognize the attacks. "Nasty People..." empowers the victim to understand they are not helpless and they too have a responsibility to solve the problems. Nasty people behave like this ultimately through their own choice, ("made" not "born") and thus, they can do something about it and change themselves.

An Excellent, ethical, helpful book. at this price, buy several copies!

35 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars It's not that great, January 29, 2004

By	hellequin "hellequin" (novi area, mi United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Nasty People (Paperback)

I bought this book at a store on a whim because I wanted to learn more techniques for dealing with "Nasty People." Instead, it was a book that identified "invalidators" over and over and over. The only definition that I'm left with is: Invalidators are people who make you feel bad. I don't see why there had to be pages upon pages of defining people who, basically, make you feel bad. Especially since, it only takes one sentence.

I was looking for practical examples and suggestions on dealing with nasty people and instead I found an author who seems to have written a vendetta against anyone that has made him feel bad or question himself. I don't care about an author's problems--I do care about an informed person who has tried and true ways of dealing with nasty people.

The last chapter has SOME examples and ways to deal with nasty people, but he says it's up to the reader to find his (or her) own ways. O.K., well then, why did I buy your book? I did give this book two stars because it was an easy read and helped to identify "invalidators."

A suggestion to the author: Rename your book to "Nasty People: How to identify them and gain some knowledge in finding ways to deal with them."

The most disturbing thing about this book is the amount of glorious reviews it has here. In my opinion, it isn't good and I warn readers that you won't be buying a book on how to deal with nasty people, but how to identify them. I suggest that a potential customer shop around on Amazon more before considering buying this book.