Hidden Messages : What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children (Paperback)

by Elizabeth Pantley (Author) "Curt, a bright sixteen-year-old, was bursting with excitement over his newly earned driver's licence..." (more)
Key Phrases: elizabeth pantley, changes you can make, dog doo, Miss Sally, Messages About Relationships, Zoo Day (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"A must read for all parents." -- Ray & Lynne Heinrich, Ontario Stepfamily Association, Canada

"Don't miss the empowering, supportive advice found here to help children feel loved and become healthy, happy, capable adults." -- Shelley Butler & Deb Kratz, Authors, The Field Guide to Parenting

"No other parenting book that I've read covers this topic so thoroughly and thoughtfully." -- Keri Baker, Creator and Webmaster, Parentingweb.com

"Respectful to parents, clear and readable and absolutely helpful." -- Kathy Lynn, President, Parenting Today

"Reveals the subtle but significant ways that parent's words and actions influence their child's behavior and development." -- Bobbi Conner, Host, The Parent's Journal, heard nationwide on Public Radio

"Shows us concrete ways to use positive language and productive actions to direct our children towards more successful futures." -- Jill Whalen, Editor, Parentsroom Website

Product Description
In Hidden Messages, parent and educator Elizabeth Pantley shares stories drawn from hundreds of parents that demonstrate how they unknowingly send their kids negative messages through their words and actions. After each story she provides a gentle lesson by showing the child's perspective on the same scenario and offers suggestions for specific changes parents can make to improve the hidden messages behind their words and deeds.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (September 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0809297701
• ISBN-13: 978-0809297702
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6.2 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #293,403 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

78 of 79 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing! Life changing!, June 15, 2001

By	Gaye Ward (Brisbane, Queensland Australia) - See all my reviews

Everything we do is giving a message to our children. A scary thought? Certainly, especially when we realise that often we are unknowingly giving them entirely the WRONG message. Sometimes we are inadvertently teaching our children the exact OPPOSITE of what we would like to. The good news is that we can learn to give our kids the messages we really WANT them to get! Hidden Messages: What our words and actions are really telling our children is a book that EVERY parent needs to read.

As always, Elizabeth Pantley challenges us to think about our parenting and teaches us how to make changes that can have dramatic effects on the lives of our families. Her style is gentle and positive. As Dr. William Sears writes in his foreword, "Sure to gently tweak the consciences of even the best parents, inspire them to raise their children in a more conscious and sensitive manner - and tug at the heartstrings as a reminder to give constructive messages to our children".

This book is DIFFERENT! Elizabeth Pantley uses stories (some real, some partly contrived) to illustrate a whole variety of parenting lessons. This is very effective indeed. Many parents will be able to see themselves in some of the examples. As I read, I felt at times shocked, at times amazed, at times I even shed a tear or two. I learnt a great deal about myself, my parenting, and how to make some important changes. When you read this book, be prepared to be moved.

Hidden Messages consists of 33 stories, grouped into the categories: messages about responsibility and independence; messages about thoughtfulness and kindness; messages about annoyance and anger; messages about relationships; messages about discipline and behavior; messages about listening and caring and love; messages about time and priorities and messages about parenting styles. Each story is followed by the "hidden message" (see if you can work it out for yourself while reading the story!), "think about it" and "changes you can make". In these 33 short stories, you are taken on a kind of journey of all that is important in parenting. You are challenged (ever so gently) to examine your own relationship with your children and given the tools to grow and mature in your parenting journey.

This is an amazing book! I thoroughly recommend it to every parent - the messages contained in it are simply too important to miss.

51 of 51 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Challenging me to better parenting!, November 14, 2004

By	J. Rapp "WAHM" (Louisville, KY USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Reading this book has been a seriously eye-opening experience for me. While I "knew" that our children are little sponges and take in everything around them, I had no idea how many "hidden messages" I was giving my daughter that were so negative. I truly saw myself as an excellent and attached parent, and I still do, but this book has truly called me to a deeper parenting model. Not everyone comes from a wonderful family of origin, and this book showed me how many things I was passing on that I had no intention of teaching my daughter. I recommend this book to every parent!

41 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderfully written....Important topics, March 3, 2004

By	Reader - See all my reviews

Powerful eye-opening messages that expose the errors in our innocent daily actions with our children. Each chapter opens with a very typical and common parent-child situation. You'll be nodding in agreement as you'll see yourself displayed clearly. Then the author presents a description of the Hidden Message shown in the action and you'll stop and restructure your thoughts on the insightful take on a seemingly harmless interaction. For example, if you always do for your child by packing his lunch, tieing his shoes, cleaning his room then you may be robbing him of the ability to take care of himself. Every parent should read this book - and the younger your child the better. Excellent.