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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
EXCELLENT BOOK...everyone should read this, August 13, 2003
EXCELLENT BOOK!!!!! Everyone in the world should read this book. Especially if you are a parent, teacher, or counselor.Dr. John Kelly is a psychotherapist, a recovered addict, and a loving father of 3 sons. Dr. Kelly teaches skills to parents, counselors and teachers on how to draw out the child's self-respect and confidence. It is a wonderful book that can be quickly read. It is a must for all people who will raise, counsel or teach children. Dr. Kelly runs his own clinic that specializes in addictions and asserts convincingly that 1) The root cause of all addictions and most violence is low self-esteem. Long before the addictions begin (whether the addiction is alcohol, drugs, gambling, compulsive clean "freaks", craving excessive attention, codependent relationships, bulimia, anorexia, or overachieving, etc.) low self-esteem was firmly in place and began developing in early childhood. Whatever the addiction, a drink or purging, etc., is used to anesthetize the person's feelings of low self-esteem. 2) Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem can be manifested in children as young as 5 and 6 years old. Teens as young as 11 and 12 have been found to contemplate suicide b/c of low self-esteem. 3) Low self-esteem is epidemic in our society. Low Self-Esteem should be classified as a "disease" and is the largest health problem facing the United States. It hits well educated and poorly educated people as well as rich and poor individuals. It does not discriminate. 4) CHILDREN NEED TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS, ESPECIALLY FEELINGS OF ANGER. They need a healthy outlet to feel and express their pain. Anger is usually a companion of Low Self-Esteem. If internalized, the anger can lead to depression, or addictions, or psychosomatic illness, such as asthma, intense headaches, ulcers, hypertension, etc. It can also lead to violence as the child gets older. THE GREATEST SINGLE SOURCE OF ANGER AMONG MANY OF THE CHILDREN WHO BECAME DANGEROUS CRIMINALS IS THAT THEIR PARENTS (SPECIFICALLY FATHERS, FOR MOST BOYS) WERE NOT AROUND. 5) Proper vigilant parenting is essential in raising children who will possess high self-esteem. Recent studies have shown that on average, mothers spend 11 min/day of "quality time" with their children, and fathers 8 min/day. There is no such thing as "quality time". The "quality" is found in the "quantity of time" you spend with your children. Apathetic parents who put more emphasis on material wealth for their children forget that children "want" material things, but "need" parental "quality time"... Children NEED love, attention, interest, affection MORE than they need the newest Sony Playstation 2 or computers or computer games. 6) Boys need their fathers, and girls need their mothers. Children need both parents. 7) Parents should never yell at their children, nor physically, emotionally or sexually abuse their children. They must not be demanding "perfection," nor be an "enabling" parent, nor "apathetic". GET THIS BOOK. YOU WON'T BE SORRY!!!
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