|
|
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Witty Comedy, September 24, 2003
Retired British General Nigel Haversham just cannot seem to rid his life of problems. First, his precious goddaughter Alexandra ran off to America in pursuit of her shiftless boyfriend Sean, one of those sensitive, left leaning artists a rigid old guard conservative like Haversham despises with the heat of a million suns. When Alexandra's mother asks Nigel to go to America and track down her daughter, he readily agrees. Almost as soon as Haversham steps off the plane in California, the problems wash over him in an unending wave: he crashes his rental car after imbibing too much liquor, bringing in the unwanted attentions of the local constabulary. Since Nigel is English and promises to go home soon, the policeman lets him off with a warning. Quickly following this unpleasant escapade, the old general has a chance encounter with two beautiful California girls named Penelope and April who grudgingly agree to assist Nigel in his mission to find Alexandra. The adventures that follow twist and turn at a frenetic pace: Nigel meets up with a gang of Jamaican drug dealers, battles a gang of Latino drug dealers, disguises himself as "Bongo Topaz," a Don King look alike in order to infiltrate a nightclub, rescues one of his girls from a kidnapping attempt, and drinks enough alcohol to float the QE2 up the river Thames. Nigel Haversham, a man who helped plot strategy with Norman Schwarzkopf during the Persian Gulf War, never imagined rescuing his goddaughter would be so difficult.This crude summary of H.W. Crocker's "The Old Limey" barely scratches the surface of this amusing and oftentimes whimsical story. All of the action centers on Nigel, of course, a man who suffers from frequent delusions of grandeur coupled with a roving eye for beautiful young women. Haversham's knowledge about America seems to come from movies or crime noir novels, as he often finds himself in dangerous situations simply because he doesn't understand how things work over here. Relying on his training as a military officer in the best English tradition, Haversham thinks nothing of blithely going up against dangerous drug gangs or marching into the headquarters of a group of Black Muslims in order to enlist their aid in his rescue mission. At one point, the old general considers the plausibility of conquering California and turning it into an Islamic protectorate of England. If some of the descriptions of this retired military officer slightly resemble Don Quixote, that's because there is, to some extent, a similarity between the two. Both characters embrace chivalrous values from the past in order to deal with modern problems. While Nigel isn't rushing off to charge any windmills, he does view things in a decidedly Victorian fashion. He doesn't understand the customs or the attitudes of these strange American creatures, but always figures another glass of gin or rum will solve any potential problems. Nigel is truly a man out of time. "The Old Limey" takes place in a Los Angeles full of nightclubs, criminals, and beautiful women. Penelope and April, Nigel's reluctant helpers, are your typical California airheads. Both girls want to run their own image consulting business that will cater to the rich and famous, and Nigel makes copious use of their skills to track down Sean and Alexandra. He even enlists of the girls' fathers to form a coalition to fight the drug dealers. At one point, this coalition consists of a contingent of Black Muslims loaned to Nigel by the Esteemed Muslim leader Iced Khalifa, Jamaican drug dealers who want Sean to answer questions about some missing money, and a coterie of Vietnam veterans who wish to rescue Penelope from the clutches of the Latino drug gang. Nigel artfully plays these disparate groups off one another in a delightfully imperialist manner. No wonder the British possessed such a huge empire for so long; they could rely on people like Nigel to hold the whole thing together. I am not quite sure who is the intended target audience for this story. If you like "fish out of water stories," you will probably appreciate Haversham's adventures in California. It is nice to read a story about how America looks through the eyes of a foreigner, so "The Old Limey" delivers on that level, too. Overall, while I rarely laughed out loud as I read this story, I did find it an amusing and satisfying read. I would love to see someone make a film version of this story, perhaps starring Sean Connery or some other similar bloke in the lead role. I can easily picture Connery turning in a great performance if such a film ever saw the light of day.
|
by Berdell R. Funke
by Ted R. Johnson
by Pope Benedict XVI
by H. W. Crocker III
