How to Be First in a Second Marriage: Forgiveness and Healing for All Concerned (Paperback)

~ (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Marriage and family, non-fiction self help for those in or planning to enter second marriages, and those who deal with ex-spouses, blended families and stepparenting issues.

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About the Author

Rose Sweet has been a First Wife, Second Wife, Ex-wife and Stepmother and knows first hand the problems faced by those in todays' blended families. Rose has authored magazine articles, appeared on TV and radio talk shows and is a public speaker at seminars around the country, helping to heal the hurts unique to divorce and remarriages.

Product Details

• Paperback: 250 pages
• Publisher: College Press Publishing Company (April 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0899008186
• ISBN-13: 978-0899008189
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #1,391,830 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

50 of 51 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars invaluable!, December 1, 1999

By	Susan Wilkins-Hubley (Nova Scotia Canada) - See all my reviews

Oddly, upon my first reading of this book, I found myself disagreeing with the author in regards to much of the content.

Then I realized why I was disagreeing - there is so much truth in the examples set forth, that I was uncomfortable reading something that `hit' so close to home.

The truth is, rejection is difficult. And, a divorce is certainly rejection. When there are problems blending a family together, more rejection is involved. The idea that rejection continues to be present throughout the post-divorce environment was a new idea for me, and one that made me uncomfortable initially (especially the section that spoke about the rejection stepmothers experience). However, after much thought and two readings of this book, I must agree.

Our current legal system is designed to pit parents against each other - always declaring a `winner' and a `loser'. This continues to perpetuate rejection. When a child (or children) involved feel they must choose one parent over the other to ensure their emotional survival, more rejection is involved. When one parent launches a campaign to persuade the child (or children) that the other parent and the new same gender stepparent are `bad', there is still more rejection involved.

Another important concept of this book is that how we respond to that rejection is completely within our control. In other words, I do not have to feel jealous, hurt, or shut out if my stepchildren and their same gender parent treat me with hostility and suspicion. I can't prevent them from rejecting me, but I can control how I respond to that rejection.

I never thought about this until I read this book (re-read), but I now recognize that any interaction between divorced spouses that isn't of a business associate level is still an intimate exchange! All the fighting that goes on between former spouses is still a dance of intimacy.

The book also deals with the concepts of false guilt and genuine guilt. It's amazing, how much false guilt we are all capable of carrying around with us. The author provided good insight and strong suggestions for deflecting false guilt (which is often given to us by others).

And, there are lots of great examples/ideas for putting together a visitation schedule, and some very common sense (yet often overlooked) methods for dealing with an angry ex-wife/spouse who will NOT give up her hurt and anger.

Most importantly, this book addresses how important it is to build a strong relationship within a second marriage - how important it is that the needs of the current marriage are met first, followed by the needs of the children.

This book IS worth several reads - I know I find it more valuable every time I pick it up.

19 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Not for me., August 5, 2000

By A Customer

I am second wife and stepmom of two teens for more than three years; I have many problems as most women in similar relationships. I am Christian as well so I thought this book would be perfect for me!
I have just finished reading the book of Rose Sweet and I am really disappointed.
Why?
· This is a book for real novices; if you are a second wife or even fiancée for more than a year, either your marriage does not exist any more, or you have learned all Ms. Sweet's tips by yourself.
· If your husband has physical custody of his kids, ¾ of this book is not for you.
· If you are Christian but the sentence: "(name), God has shown me that I need to ask your forgiveness for something. Will you forgive me for my bitterness toward you? Will you also forgive me for having failed as your wife?" is not exactly in your style, this book probably is not in your style as well.
· If your husband is not in love with his previous wife any more you should probably look for another book.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It is about time someone wrote a book on this subject!, February 2, 1999

By A Customer

Do you realize that 50% of women today are in 2nd marriages? How do we deal with his ex-wife when she is bound and determined to play on your hubbie's sense of guilt? How do you deal with your stepchildren when they absolutely REFUSE to accept the marriage to their father and therefore, take it out on you? How do you muster up the strength to stand together and overcome all of these outside influences without letting them destory your marriage? This book helps you look at things from a different perspective and empowers you to overcome them with love, understanding and compassion without giving up who you are in the process.