|
|
43 of 44 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
very insightful -- must read for "nice guys", November 15, 2003
By A Customer
It is very important to note that he is NOT encouraging guys to be jerks. He has simply identified the (positive) qualities that jerks have, which are attractive to women. If you are a real "nice" guy, you must have lots of female friends that keep ending up with jerks, so it is very natural to ask WHY?He contends that women want guys to be a set of opposites, something like:
1. unpredictable, yet goal-oriented
2. spontaneous, yet plans dates
3. adventurous, yet in control
4. aggressive, yet mellow and cool
5. mysterious, yet their best friend
Are guys like this possible?? Yes, take the example of a (successful) rock musician. He is undpredictable, spontaneous, etc. when on stage, but has his life planned to the exact tour dates in the long run. Which girl hasn't had a crush on a rock-star :) So the key is to be spontaneous and unpredictable in the short term, but goal-oriented and in control in the long run. I believe this is very true, in the long run, women want to be secure with their men, but they want to have FUN in the moment. For me, this paradigm of short time "jerk" long term "nice guy" was new, accurate and very helpful to understanding women. The second key point made in this book is that nice guys try too hard to please. They are too accepting. Jerks are generally more demanding. And here is the key observation: think about it, what helps you grow more, a someone who pushes you and stretches your abilities, or someone who accepts anything you do? We all remember those teachers who demanded much from us at school. This is why nice guys become boring, they don't cause women to grow. If "nice" guys would just say a harsh word when their lady is late for a date, she wouldn't need to fall for really abusive guys. Also if a woman can get away with treating you badly -- how can she trust you to protect her from being treated badly by others? The third important advice for nice guys is to focus more on themselves. Jerks are generally passionate about something. They play in a band or have some sport or other hobby. Here he tries to do some Tony Robbins stuff and it's a bit rip-offish, but the basic point is well taken. First put a smile on your own face, then you can make others smile. All-in-all, this is very insightful for nice guys in their early twenties. Reviewers who complain about this book making guys being jerks have completely misunderstood the concept. This book is not disrespectful towards women. It is not about getting laid. This book is written for nice guys to be more assertive, spontaneous and wild. Unfortunately, most of the real information could be written on a pamphlet. It contains lots of useless rambling. He couldn't make much money on selling a pamphlet now could he? :) Anyway, the information has been helpful to me. But I must admit that I haven't bought the book myself.
|
by Mark Shatz
by Mary Jo Putney
by Matt Ridley
by Neil Strauss
