Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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38 of 38 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting and sad, June 1, 2000
I bought this book last year in my ongoing attempt to understand the workings of the male mind. As I read the stories of the men interviewed for this book, I couldn't help but wonder why these men chose to put so much time and effort into being trifling. They concocted some really elaborate schemes to cover up their chicks on the side. I mean really, wouldn't have just been easier to remain single and unattached?I have seen Mr. Baisden in person and heard him on the radio, and he is a dynamic speaker. I appreciated how this book examined infidelity from the perspective of the cheating male. That's not something I've seen in print before. It definitely gave me some things to thing about it. I've loaned this book to a couple of friends and we've all had pretty similar reactions. Mr. Baisden may not be a formal social scientist, but I enjoyed reading his anecdotes and observations nontheless. Sometimes, authors can become so steeped in academia that they lose the common touch. While this book is not likely to garner any awards, it's a worthwhile read for women, like me, who sometimes wonder what makes men do the things that they do.
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Required Reading For All!, June 13, 2005
After reading this book, all I can say is WOW. EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS! Not only does this book tell you candidly the truth about men, how they think about sex, relationships and women, and their tricks...but it also reveals a lot about women (and the way men classify women and whom they decide to approach for what reasons), as well. Baisden discusses the four most popular groups of male cheaters (the flat-out dog, the man looking for what he's not getting "at home" or is dissatisfied with the quality of his relationship, the "nice guy" tired of being "dogged" and the guy who learned by example from his family) and then goes on to break the women these men cheat with down into different groups. After reading this book, there really is almost nothing you won't understand about the male mind in regards to sex, relationships and women...and if you REALLY don't want to know or are not sure if you can handle it, I suggest staying far away from this book. I am left with the distinct feeling that there's really no trusting ANYONE in this world, male or female, and that's an awful feeling. That said, at least your eyes won't be closed and you know exactly what to be on the lookout for. Chances are if you've been cheated on, or are being cheated on, this book will have all those telltale signs in it and you'll recognize some of them as being in your situation.
Other than finishing this book with the feeling that there's no such thing as a "good" or "decent" man and hardly such a thing as a "good" or "decent" woman, there are some issues with this book. There are some small spelling and grammar problems, but they don't really get in the way and aren't going to be noticeable to the average person. But the bigger problems include the changes in tone/purpose, the generalizations and the storytelling.
By changes in tone or purpose, I mean it seems like at different points the book serves different purposes for Baisden. For example, I got the sense that the first section WAS to reveal info to women, but I ALSO felt like it was TEACHING MEN how to get away with cheating at the same time. For example, the stories of individual men will reveal to women HOW these and other men go about cheating but the men in the stories get busted. Either at the end of the stories or afterwards, it almost always seems as if Baisden and/or the men in the stories have something to say about what that man or what other men should have done/should do in order for women to not suspect a thing if men want to cheat. One such tip is utilizing a call forwarding service so that phone calls from other women can go to a secret pager instead of the man getting calls on and being busted via answering machine or his wife/girlfriend picking up the phone. Basically, Baisden acknowledges women are smarter and very "nosy" (as if we're wrong for it when we obviously have good reason to be), so it seems as if he's trying to teach men how to take their "game" to a level above the average woman's. For example, having a pager she doesn't know about and KEEPING IT AWAY from her. Essentially, if a man is successful at this, a woman is not really going to know a man is cheating...defeats the purpose of the book...or does it?? For a woman who hasn't read this book or hasn't heard of these tricks Baisden teaches, it does defeat the purpose...reason #1 for why you NEED this if you're a woman. But while he's teaching these tricks, he will also have words of condemnation in the book for these men...? And as the book goes on, he seems even more on the side of attempting to discourage men from cheating and making negative comments about some of these men. There are other times where he seems to defend these men and/or be on their side, sympathizing with them for getting caught, even though THEY were doing wrong...as if the woman's acting on her suspicions or asking questions was just completely unreasonable. Then there are times where it seems as if he thinks women are in the wrong for not doing what their husbands or boyfriends want them to do, particularly sexually. Basically, he straddles too many fences. I understand he is identifying everyone's role and is not just blaming men or women, which is great, but there are times when his message just gets confusing--is cheating the man's fault or his woman's fault, according to Baisden? Hard to tell, though I suspect, if asked, he would say it's no one's "fault." He almost seems to want to say men just can't be faithful.
Baisden also makes many generalizations, about both men and women. I'm sure some men would object to some of the generalizations, because I object to some of the generalizations he and the men in the stories make about women, as a woman. Many of the things revealed about women and their plots for bedding men who are involved with other women, for harassing men, for holding off on sex or for waiting to call a man, are things I had absolutely no knowledge about and do not engage in. However, if Baisden and the men in these stories had their way, every man would "know" that every woman did these things and that a woman is lying if she says she doesn't. For example, Baisden insists a couple times in the book that women get along great until a man comes in the picture...and then it's "every woman for herself." First of all, I don't know too many women who get along great ANYWAY. Second, if a man is involved with someone or a friend of mine is interested in a man, that man is offlimits to me--I am not interested, and I am not hatching plans like some of the ones described in the book to "steal" that man. In fact, when I read those and told one of my friends about them, we were shocked at how low some of these women would go. Another story that I thought was ridiculous came from this man who insisted that, when women get a man's phone number, she sits down with her friends and sorts through all the mens' numbers she recently got and organizes them into categories based on looks, income, SIZE, etc. I have no doubt other women do this, but I thought it was completely absurd. First of all, if you just met a man, what do you know about his SIZE? Unless you slept with him right away, which was not the impression I got from that particular story. And you probably can't do anything but GUESS about his income. Third, the guy in that story says, as does a guy in another story, that women like to play games and wait a week or more before calling a guy (even though other parts of the book insist the opposite--that women make themselves available to men whenever, particularly in the beginning)--after she has done her phone number sorting. But I truly don't know even ONE woman who calls a man. We wait for MEN to call, and MEN play the waiting game. The book does a good job of making it seem as if all women really care about from a man is his money, just like Baisden does a good job of making it seem as if everything just comes back around to sex for men. Once again, I thought several of the stories relating to women using men for money were ridiculous--not that I believed they were untrue, but just that I couldn't understand why women do that and why Baisden and the men in the stories want people to believe all women do that.
A lot of the stories that end in men cheating, especially if they get busted, make it seem as if their wives/girlfriends were the ones in the wrong, like I said before...for example, if he came in late after actually cheating and she questions him, his tone in the story is as if she's being ridiculous or annoying for not just letting him cheat all night and get away with it. They act as if it's their right to cheat, as if it's their wife's fault for not doing whatever whenever with them and any reason why not--even if she is going through serious hormonal challenges after having a baby--is just a bs excuse, and as if women should just exist to have sex with them and then leave them alone. A lot of the men end their stories with seemingly no remorse. Many of them are like, "Oh, well, I'll be careful next time." A lot of the stories show men going through a WHOLE LOT just to cheat without being found out, then their covers are blown and they just seem to shrug their shoulders and intend to start all over again doing the same thing. The question of why do these men even bother to get married or have relationships with a woman if they just intend to cheat is never satisfactorily answered. Why go through all that and then seem not to care--never answered satisfactorily. Why not just be a single guy, tell women you don't want a relationship and then just have all the sex you want with women who are willing--as this book shows a lot of women are--is never satisfactorily answered, either. The way the stories are written, too, makes me question whether or not they are actually TRUE stories. I guess the impression we're supposed to get is the guys told Baisden these stories, and then he wrote them all up nice and neat as if he's writing a novel. All the stories are written the same, all very descriptive, some sense of humor thrown into many of them, same grammar, etc...which makes me question the stories, especially ones that got so dramatic that they DID seem unreal. It would have been more realistic if he just flat-out quoted the men.
Still, I do believe most of what Baisden has to offer, and I think this book offers a lot of insight to both men and women. I think this book is important to men, despite the feeling they might get of being betrayed, because it opens their eyes to just how evil women really can be and/or how bad these situations can really turn out all because you were only thinking of some sex. So if a man considers cheating or has never done it, the stories will hopefully be enough to make him forget the idea of cheating. What surprises me most is that this book came out 10 years ago and is EXTREMELY relevant today--it seems as if it's even more so today than it might have been back in the 90s. The book basically seems right on target for these days. I would say that, despite its faults, this book is a guide to men AND women that they should keep, refer to and commit to memory.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
What would you do (or put up with) just to have a man??, November 30, 2005
I am a 22 year old college student and this book has helped me IMMENSELY....Being in a relationship with a man that was much older and expeienced at cheating taught me many of the lessons that I learned in this book, but this book taught me many more lessons that I can apply to my future relationships and also it gave me insight into the workings of the male mind.
Ladies, how many of you know that your man is cheating but refuse to do anything about it? How many of you suspect he is cheating but ignore all the signs just so you can say that you didn't know what was going on? How many of you say that " all mean cheat"? Have you ever provided a place for your brother to cheat with his other women? Are you the "other" woman? Well, if you answered yes to any of these questions then you are just as much as fault as the cheating man. With your help he can continue to cheat knowing that hsi partners, sisters, mothers, etc. will have nothing to say about it.
Mr. Baisden showed me how women time after time allow themselves to be used, abused, and disrespected by the cheating man oftentimes when she knows that she deserves better. Women, read this book and get your lives in order, it's time for the cheating man to pay the piper. It may hurt at first to be without him, but in the end you deserve happiness and loyalty from a man that loves and cherishes you as much as you do him. Thanks Mr. Baisden for this wonderful book.
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