Product Description
Written with the sensitive fundamentalist Christian in mind, "Scary Spasms" features lewd poetry, disgusting short stories, and other scrotum-shriveling, nipple-vibrating literary forms to, as Kevin puts it, "delight the senses and tongue-tickle the perineum."
"Scary Spasms" is guaranteed to help you crap better... whether you happen to be on the pot or not. Read about:
-the erotic encounter that goes horribly awry!
-Superman's nauseating battle with Barney!
-the father with a dangerous sheep habit!
-Satan's lecture to a five-year-old on the true nature of hell!
-Mr. Spock's "unfortunate phasering" of Captain Kirk!
-the horse that obsesses over the size of its buttocks!
-Clint Eastwood-- indentured to the Spice Girls!
-the retired general who beats people to death with his colon!
-MORE! Oh, GOD! Oh, BABY! MORE!! YES!! DON'T STOP!!
From the Publisher
Kevin Kim on his poetry:
"I want you to picture Shel Silverstein. So far, so good? Now I want you to imagine ole Shel's been fed a huge meal, then beaten with lead pipes, stripped naked, and locked in a crate completely in the dark for three weeks, with no nourishment but his own urine and feces. Unseen assailants randomly assault him with electric cattle prods. Three weeks go by; Shel's crate gets set up on a stage. Blazing spotlights are aimed at the crate, and a microphone stand is placed next to it. Two burly gents with crowbars pry the crate open, drag Shel out, and prop him up by the mike stand. They command him to start reciting poetry on pain of scrotal gnawing by cocaine-jacked house pets. He blinks sightlessly into the spotlights, tries to lick his lips with a parched tongue, weakly clears his throat, and begins to speak. Whatever comes out of Shel's mouth at that moment... that's my poetry."
Kevin on his book:
"I painstakingly document, in the form of short stories, poetry, and other genres, every glorious, polyp-throbbing moment of peristalsis, when matter in all its possible forms-- solid, liquid, gas, or superhot plasma-- jets out of my wriggling colon and hurtles headlong into the unknown future. The characters in a given story might not be me, per se, but they represent facets of me and my furry hole."
Kevin on Bill Clinton:
"...I'd like to take this opportunity to give former President Clinton a special vote of thanks for his sustained, masterful impression of an ambulatory penis over the past eight years. You rocked, Bill, and you did indeed erect a veiny, purple bridge straight into the sweaty, pink youthful mount of the 21st century. Long may your hirsute balls drag upon the dusty earth! Just don't get snagged on a cactus."
BigHominid.com Publishing thinks you'll be just as charmed by Kevin Kim's wit and wisdom as we were.
