Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
An amazing book despite some hyprocrisy, March 9, 2009
This is simply a fantastic book. I find it hard to imagine a person who would not benefit from reading it. Not only is it full to the brim with useful communication tools and information, it is also presented in a way that is both easy to understand and fun to read.
I would give The Usual Error 5 stars in a heartbeat, were it not for the dishonesty contained within. Put simply, the book was written (and the lessons, presentations, and concept created) by not two, but three people. After an acrimonious divorce, that third person was pushed out of the project, and the book was edited and published without her. This would have been acceptable, but Pace and Kyeli also chose to then whitewash away any mention of the third author, taking credit for her work and her words, changing her name in all stories save one, and mentioning her only as someone who 'helped with the first draft'.
As the astute reader may have already gathered, I was that third author, and so my 3 stars may be considered nothing more than sour grapes. But honestly I find it an important and depressing flaw to have so much deception in a book that claims in its first pages to be based on the principle of honest communication.
But hypocrisy aside, this book is still worth purchasing and worth reading, and I do recommend it.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Wonderful & Accessible Meta-analysis of Communication, January 25, 2009
Self-help as a genre has a bad wrap, and there's a good reason for that. Many self-help books aren't very helpful! However, this book is fantastically helpful. Let me count the ways.
First of all, it is in bite sized chunks. I am going to read it with my partner, but I read it on my own first and I'm happy to find that we'll be able to do a chapter at a time without feeling like we're taking a graduate seminar. Some of the chapters say everything that needs to be said in 2 or 3 pages, but even the longest chapters are short enough to be digestible. Each focuses on a concept and does not stray too far into analysis. I really like that about this book!
I think they were able to make the chapters short because they stayed focused and avoided much analysis, speculation and ideology. If you are a person that is interested in self-improvement, growth, healthy relationships, yadda yadda ya, then you've probably heard everything in this book before at one point or another. That may sound like a criticism, but it's actually not. The thing is, every time I read self-helpy type of stuff, it is couched in either dense academic language or, worse for me, some sort of religious or pseudo-scientific framework. And many times authors' messages become bogged down by those frameworks. On the other hand, these authors don't talk about their framework at all, so their arguments are clear and focused.
The book is also very thorough. I couldn't tell from the chapter titles, but now that I've read the book I realize that the chapters are like a line-up of the usual suspects for communication problems. I feel like if my husband and I find myself in an argument, we could put it on pause and skim through the chapter titles to figure out which pattern we're enacting. And we would find it.
The last point I want to make is about the topic of the book. This type of thing should be taught in schools. Some people get it from their parents, but most people don't. Or at least not all of it. Not having the meta-understanding of life that is elucidated in this book leads to fearfulness and needless pain. Although there is nothing ground-breaking in this book, it is packaged in such a way that anyone can understand and make use of it. And it is important that we do!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Usual Error, January 12, 2009
Developed out of a successful communication workshop, The Usual Error gets to the heart of the problem- every problem: roadblocks to communication. Nearly every problem can be solved, identified or endured with a little help from the collected wisdom of these expert communicators. Whether your problem is your partner failing to understand your needs, you failing to understand your partner's needs, or simply that you don't understand why someone can't just see things YOUR way, The Usual Error will put you on the path to enlightenment.
The Usual Error is not a magic potion to instantly solve all your communication issues. It is, however, a great inspiration; it is a starting point from which epiphanies are born. As you read, you will recall situations from your own life in which the knowledge would have been helpful, and after reading it, you will remember its simple, quirky and honest advice when future problems arise.
Chapters are short, easy to read and understand, and encourage reflection without the cheesy, condescending language that tends to dominate the self-help genre. Pace and Kyeli Smith write the chapters cleanly and pleasantly, no doubt as a result of the project's origins as a workshop and presentation, and the brilliant illustrations by Martin Whitmore capture the spirit and humor of the authors perfectly. All in all, the experience of reading this book is one of great amusement and deep reflection.
The term "self-help" may not apply to all books in the genre, but The Usual Error is honest and powerful in its ability to help you help yourself.
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