The Empty Nest: 31 Parents Tell the Truth About Relationships, Love and Freedom After the Kids Fly the Coop (Hardcover)

by Karen Stabiner (Author) "An old hard-shell suitcase is like a book..." (more)
Key Phrases: The Empty Nest, New York, Los Angeles (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
This collection, edited by Stabiner (My Girl: Adventures with a Teen in Training), includes essays by such well-known authors as Anna Quindlen, Ellen Goodman and Susan Shreve, as well as lesser knowns. Mothers write the bulk of the stories, though a handful of dads, such as Charles McGrath, help to balance the perspective. Quindlen, always a reliable sage, writes that the empty nest is emptier than ever before by virtue of the fact that so many mothers of her generation threw themselves so wholeheartedly into the role. Alongside the recurring motif of parents sighing forlornly at the threshold of their children's empty rooms, there is also a place for humor ("You lose a child, you gain a sex life," writes Letty Cottin Pogrebin in the essay "Epiphanies of the Empty Nest") as well as a sense of optimism and rebirth ("I felt myself standing a little taller, like a plant reaching up toward the sun," observes Marian Sandmaier). While many of these essays address kids leaving for college, one mother laments a son who died of a heart ailment and another a boy who has set off for Iraq. This varied and compassionate collection may not mitigate the empty nesters' pain, but it should make them feel that they're in good company as they navigate this parental rite of passage. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From The Washington Post
Mama, don't let your kids grow up to be independent. Maybe then you won't suffer the longing felt by the parents in The Empty Nest.

Karen Stabiner has assembled a survival guide -- or commiseration guide -- for parents whose kids are leaving home. The essays, penned by writers ranging from the well-known to the lesser-known, focus primarily on college, but a few discuss children leaving the nest to join the military or move to another state.

Contributors include syndicated columnist Ellen Goodman, Newsweek columnist Anna Quindlen, writer/actor Harry Shearer, novelist Susan Shreve, professor and journalist Roger Wilkins, and Hearst magazines editorial director Ellen Levine.

Two recurring themes punctuate the essays: My child is leaving, I'll miss her; and my child is leaving, now what?

Many of the anecdotes are boo-hoo worthy, such as in "Regime Change," when New York Times writer-at-large Charles McGrath remembers drop-off day at college: "A quick hug, a wave, a promise to call, and, in an instant, he was gone."

And it's tough not to get weepy as Stabiner herself remembers, in "Proof of Love," experiences leading up to her daughter's departure for college. Each, she says, "was a chance to build up calluses so that the real thing wouldn't hurt so much."

Happily, the writers explore unexpected pleasures, too. Letty Cottin Pogrebin is better able to enjoy sex without her kids in the house. Marian Sandmaier relishes her newfound freedom from the daily worries of child-rearing.

Among the most moving essays is "My Cart," by sociology professor Harvey Molotch. In unsentimental prose laced with humor and poignancy, Molotch, whose wife died when their children were ages 2 and 5, tells how his grocery-shopping cart reveals his life: One day he's buying Chocodiles and ketchup; the next he's scanning the high-fiber aisle.

Yes, the empty nest is a rough place to be. But take heart: As these highly readable and engaging essays show, you're not alone. And, there are always the grandchildren.

Copyright 2007, The Washington Post. All Rights Reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Voice (May 2, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1401302572
• ISBN-13: 978-1401302573
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #471,735 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Packed you bags? Good. Now go!, May 10, 2007

By	viktor_57 "viktor_57" (Fairview, Your Favorite State, USA) - See all my reviews

As a parent who actually raised kids in a real nest, I can identify better than most with the empty nest syndrome, that feeling of emptiness and loss when the kids finally leave to set up their own nests, or homes.

We all know it's coming. From the day they're hatched, or born, we know that our job is to prepare them to face the world on their own, and our lives end up taking a back seat to theirs. So when that day comes, whether they're going off to school, or war, or prison, or moving out, or becoming transcendental beings of pure energy, we feel a seething mix of conflicted emotions, including joy and sadness; relief and worry; pride and loss; gumption and envy; and indifference and mania, among others.

The 31 essays in "The Empty Nest: 31 Parents Tell the Truth About Relationships, Love, and Freedom After the Kids Fly the Coop" let you relive those feelings and share in the community of parents who have all gone through the separation process, well, except for those parents who still have adult children living with them. Stabiner, the editor of this wonderful collection, provides her own story of letting go of her daughter as she hung precariously over the cliff's edge... of life.

"The Empty Nest" mixes the accounts of accomplished writers with those of unknowns, providing a wide range of experiences with the balance toward the mother's perspective, although fathers also have their say and even one non-parent, Harry Shearer, who I suppose has always had an empty nest but nonetheless manages to bring a perspective on children that both parents and non-parents can appreciate.

Will you find humor in these essays? Plenty. Heartbreak? Check. Moments of simple poignancy? Of course. Surprising insight coming from a candid reflection on the vicissitudes of life? Yep. The only thing you won't find is a false note or bloody ninja battles--which you might have gotten if Stabiner had asked a ninja parent, but wisely didn't.

It's not all good times, however, as some parents admit to uncovering strains in the relationship that were suppressed by the presence of kids, and others who find the loss of the parental identity so disorienting that they feel adrift in the sea of people with identities. But the writers of these essays show their resiliency as they cope with the new struggles and freedom from not having to constantly put worms in their young'uns' mouths.

So who should read "The Empty Nest"? Parents whose kids have moved on? Yes. Parents whose kids still roost at home? Couldn't hurt. Singletons who are curious to know what it feels like to depart with kids they will never have? Sure, why not. Kids who have left the nest? Might give a better understanding of what the folks are going through. Kids who have yet to leave the nest? Might give you a leg up on your folk's future emotional state the better to manipulate them. Kids who can't yet read? Probably a waste of time. The rest of humanity? Yes! What finer metaphor for the human condition could there be than that moment when you say good-bye to the kids knowing you've done your part to continue the species, assuming anyone would want to mate with those neurotic, clingy, unstable people who once made your life an interminable nightmare?

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Baby Boomers and the bond of family, June 8, 2007

By	Phyllis Goldberg "HerMentorCenter.com" (Los Angeles, California) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The strength of family relationships is as American as baseball and apple pie. And Karen Stabiner has assembled an extraordinary collection of essays that would pull at the heartstrings of even the most stoic of us. These stories of transition, told by parents facing the empty nest, resonated at many levels. From the son who pushed his Mom away so he would be free to individuate to the daughter for whom it was too painful to move away from home, this engaging book provides something for just about everyone.

The authors, writing about both their practical and emotional concerns, put the reader directly in the moment and into their process of separation from their children. For me it was a reminder of that chapter of my life - and of how much our relationships have changed, once again, now that our children are married with families of their own. Besides being extremely entertaining, this book normalized my feelings and validated my experience of that time of life.

Storytelling is really the best teacher. Humor and wisdom, pathos and advice were sprinkled throughout the essays. Short stories often leave me flat, ending before they go deep enough. But not these. As a collection, they manage to say it all. If you're a Baby Boomer parent, getting over the sadness of separation and enjoying being truly free for the first time in years, don't get too comfortable. Before too long, your emerging adult children could be boomeranging back home.

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring!, July 20, 2007

By	Amy "Teen Librarian" (Rhode Island) - See all my reviews

My son will not be going off to college for another year, but he went to a 3 week program "far away" at the beginning of the summer, and this book's title appealed to me. I've since sent it to two friends in similar situations, and it's quite the hit. The various writers examine all aspects of the empty nest experience, and present all kinds of emotional responses. Reading this made me feel anything but empty. It's fantastic, encouraging and uplifting.