Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Solving Conflicts without Arguing (Chapman Guides) (Hardcover)

by Gary Chapman (Author)
Key Phrases: spouse your undivided attention, empathetic listening, value our relationship, Everybody Wins, Monday Night Football

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
Every couple has disagreements. All too often, though, when we engage in arguments, our goal is not to resolve the conflict at hand, but rather, to win the fight. Unfortunately, when you win an argument, your spouse is the loser, and nobody wants to be or live with a loser. When you resolve a conflict, your spouse becomes your friend. Good marriages are based on friendship, not on winning arguments. Now, Gary Chapman provides couples with a simple blueprint for achieving win-win solutions to everyday conflicts and disagreements. By learning how to listen empathetically, respecting each other's ideas and feelings, and understanding why particular issues are so important to their spouse, couples can find solutions that result not only in resolving the conflict at hand, but also leave both partners feeling loved, listened to, and appreciated.

From the Back Cover

Conflict is inevitable. Arguing is a choice.

Every couple has disagreements. Unfortunately, when couples argue, the goal is not to resolve the conflict at hand but rather to win the fight. When one of you wins, the other loses—and nobody wants to be or live with a loser.

Trusted relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman provides a simple blueprint to help you and your spouse achieve win-win solutions to everyday conflicts and disagreements. This will put an end to arguing once and for all and leave both of you feeling loved, listened to, and appreciated.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 128 pages
• Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers (December 4, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 141430014X
• ISBN-13: 978-1414300146
• Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 4.9 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #49,688 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars EVERYBODY WINS is a great, quick reference guide, June 5, 2007

By	FaithfulReader.com (New York, New York) - See all my reviews

Do you ever find yourself arguing with your spouse? Going around and around about an issue with little resolve? If so, then Gary Chapman, the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants and bestselling author of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES, says you're not alone. In fact, every couple has disagreements. In marriage, conflict is inevitable. But arguing is a choice.

In this short, focused title, Chapman explores what's so bad about arguing and why it's important to resolve conflicts of every size. He challenges readers to identify their most painful arguments as well as which three issues have consumed the most time and energy over the past year. Chapman believes that no matter what arguments you are having with your spouse, it's essential to look for resolution. He argues that conflicts within a relationship arise out of our uniqueness.

Chapman believes that the answer to conflict resolution is not in trying to rid ourselves of our differences but in discovering how to make our differences into assets rather than liabilities. The goal of a good, healthy marriage is learning to work together as a team and discovering resolution that pulls the couple together rather than apart.

Drawing examples from his own interactions with couples as a counselor, the book offers a variety of stories that most married people can relate to. For instance, Chapman describes Iris and Jerry, a couple who decided to repaint their house. They agreed on every color until it came to painting the bathroom. That's where the argument began: Iris wanted green while Jerry preferred blue. As each spouse makes their case why their color is the best, Chapman surmises that both parties are still in arguing mode and haven't moved to resolution mode. He encourages each spouse to verbally affirm the other's ideas. In the process, each spouse softens, and in the end, they decide to paint the bathroom green and blue.

Such resolution may seem elementary unless, of course, you're the one in the situation. That's when reflecting an attitude of respect and togetherness is the most important. Chapman believes that one of the crucial aspects of resolving any argument is taking the time to listen, which opens up the door to understanding. He points out that the issue you're arguing about may not be the issue at all --- there may be charged statements or beliefs that run deeper or have more invested than you may realize. That's why asking questions and taking the time to listen is so powerful.

Each chapter closes with a section on "Putting the Principles into Practice," which offers a handful of questions for reflection. At the end of the book is "A Resolution By Which Everybody Wins," a one-page contract for spouses to sign as they seek to improve their communication and resolution skills.

The book's greatest strength --- it's brevity --- is also its greatest weakness, at times leaving the reader looking for more depth. But overall, EVERYBODY WINS is a great, quick reference guide.

--- Reviewed by Margaret Oines

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Deepen the relationship or justify your actions?, December 8, 2007

By	William Talada "Presence" (York, PA USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The magic of this short audio book is that it brings your intention to respect and love your partner into conflict resolution. Dr. Chapman reminds you of ideal love you want to have and then shows you how to get back on the track that will take you there. All couples have disagreements and misunderstandings. The couples that work through all conflicts gain tremendous insight and appreciation into each other while avoiding built up hidden resentment.

The concepts of empathetic listening and compromise are not new. The real value in this product is the change that will occur in you through the process of learning what is important in relationships. You will feel the changes in your mindset right away.

My only critique is the audio book left me wanting to know more pitfalls and solutions.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Quick & Read, July 28, 2008

By	K. L. Cruz - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I really enjoyed this book. It gives strait forward information on empathetic listening and compromising. It only took me about an hour to read it too!! The information Dr. Chapman gives is very strait forward and easy to understand.
I handed it to my boyfriend to read it next...he never listens to me...I hope it helps our relationship.