Don't Be That Girl: A Guide to Finding the Confident, Rational Girl Within (Hardcover)

by Travis L. Stork (Author), Leah Furman (Collaborator)
Key Phrases: insecure girl, Don't Be That Girl, Agenda Girl, Bitter Girl (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Don't worry. This is not that book.

Travis Stork, the handsome and charismatic star of The Bachelor: Paris, has chalked up more dating experience than most men could claim in a lifetime. As an ER doctor, he's also an expert on the psychological and physiological factors involved in mental and emotional well-being. In Don't Be That Girl, he combines his personal experience and professional expertise to help you demystify the self-defeating behaviors that characterize that girl -- behaviors that unfortunately, even if unintentionally, prevent many women from getting the most from their lives and relationships.

Don't Be That Girl cuts to the heart of what makes a woman cross into that girl territory and the red flags that tip guys off to the possibility that, yikes, they may be dating that girl. So who is that girl, exactly? She defies a simple definition. She may be the chameleon who turns into a completely different person the second a guy walks into the room. She could be the girl with the ironclad agenda that she's held to dearly since her first encounter with Modern Bride (and she'll do anything to make sure her plan materializes). Or she's the consummate "yes" girl who is always going along with his every wish. If she's not saying yes, she might very well be a drama queen who is always saying no because she can't seem to live without conflict. Then again, she might not be dramatic at all, just miserable inside, wearing her anger and bitterness as a badge of honor. In short, she's the girl who's trying fruitlessly to be someone she's not -- who's falling victim to the common pitfalls and patterns that lead to that girl behavior -- rather than believing in herself, following her passions, and maintaining healthy priorities.

But Don't Be That Girl isn't all cautionary tales and bad news. Often, the same traits that make a woman that girl are the traits that, at their core, are her biggest strengths -- if she only knew how to refocus them. By drawing attention to and celebrating these positive attributes, Dr. Stork reveals how to cultivate and take advantage of them in ways that will lead you to the confidence and happiness that you deserve. Whether you are in a relationship, hopelessly searching, or somewhere in between, this book will arm you with practical insights so you will never again have to ask yourself, Is it me or is it him?

About the Author
Dr. Travis Stork graduated magna cum laude from Duke University and

earned his medical degree from the University of Virginia. He currently lives in

Colorado, where he works as an ER doctor. Dr. Stork will be the host of the

highly anticipated Dr. Phil spinoff, "The Doctors," premiering this fall.

Leah Furman has written and cowritten twenty-five books, including Single Jewish Female, The Everything Dating Book, and Generation Inc. She lives in New York City.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 192 pages
• Publisher: Simon Spotlight Entertainment (January 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416949089
• ISBN-13: 978-1416949084
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.8 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #292,861 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

31 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars What a load of ****, January 8, 2008

By	M. Hogan - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This book has major flaws in logic which also dumps on women in the guise of helping them. Just what women dont need. This should really have 1 star.

What follows is a commentary a small segment of the many problems with this book. Yes, I understand that some (but of course not all) men may think like the author. In that case, this book is more insightful as a sad commentary on the viewpoint of such men. (Please note for the record that I am at peace with the universe and all that and believe that there are good people -men and women out there.) That said, I still disagree with the author's mindset. More importantly (and I wish I could underline this), I am disagreeing that women should change their viewpoints to meet those of these misguided men.

Let's start with the book's one of the very unhelpful lists of what women are not supposed to ask for: e.g. "no friday or saturday night dates for the first few months, pressure to stop seeing other people, Drawer space..." The problems with this list are manifold but let's start with that I think that is not taking into account that maybe people are sleeping together and are spending (willingly) a lot of time together. (And let's be realistic, in this day and age, people arent waiting a "few months" to sleep together.) So if people are sleeping together and spending a lot of time together, these may very well be perfectly appropriate as the stakes are much higher than meeting ocassionally. In fact, you'd be kind of an idiot NOT to require this (verbally or non-verbally). It's just self respect. It's not that women shouldnt ask for these things but if he doesnt give you Fri/Sat nights or a drawer or whatever, the message should be move on and fast. He's a loser or is using you.


The book also lists: "6. A ring within eighteen months or less. Or an ultimatum." REALLY??? How long exactly should a woman (who by the way does have physical time constraints) wait? 3 years? 5 years? Forever? When exactly is it ok to broach this topic? When is that a man could get around to realizing that this is an important goal in most women's lives? Should a woman's important goals have no factor in how long women should wait? If you ask most women (even well adjusted women!), 18 months is MORE than enough time for most people. I have seen WAYYYY too many women waste WAAAAY too much time waiting for a guy to propose.

I think, and this is probably burying the lead, that it is RIDICULOUS that women cannot mention marriage or children without guys fleeing. Women are not STUPID. It's not that women want to marry a man when women first meet men. The women dont even know them. Women simply want to know where men's heads are at. Of course, any women with any smarts knows not to ask the question directly. But I think it is perfectly appropriate to find out where a man stands relatively early on (e.g. first few dates). If the man dont want to get married EVER or for another 10 years, then a woman need to know that and as soon as possible so that a woman can say "bye!" If a man's response is "I like my life exactly the way it is now. I dont see the need for anything "serious." I think it is being tied down to be married," that's insightful too. Why is that this is a taboo subject? It's a major life milestone for most people. Maybe the questions Dr. Stork (Dr. of what again?? Isnt he an ER doctor and not a psychologist?) that should be "Why are men so afraid of marriage, commitment and children that the mere mention of it purely hypothetically sends them running?" That is really what should be explored. While I acknowledge and applaud women who have had the courage to determine they dont want children, I think it is safe to say that a majority of women do want children. Many women have strong biological forces at work pushing them to have children. Why is merely talking about wrong? Why arent men grown up enough to handle even a simple down to earth discussion of major life goals? Why cant marriage and children (not necessarily with the person they are dating) be included in that discussion???? NO. Of course, it is the women's fault for raising this very important goal.

The following is another list "dont" from the author: "7. Either marry her and be miserable, or break if off and make her miserable." Wow, just because a woman wants to know where she stands and may actually think a man is actually man enough to handle a discussion about such topics, the man is surely going to be miserable if he engages in such discussion or, God forbid, actually marries a woman who had marriage and children as goals. God forbid.

OK, some points are good. Women arent going to meet anyone by staying at home. Got it. Duh.

What a load of HOOEY. Dont buy this book ladies. There are lots of better books out there.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Spend your money elsewhere, February 26, 2008

By	Pegasus (Pleasanton, CA, USA) - See all my reviews

As a therapist, I bought this book mainly out curiosity and as a possible reference for clients. The book starts out well enough, suggesting that a woman who is not "that girl" is confident and doesn't need the approval of men for her sense of self. However, the "labels" are difficult to apply to real world situations. Probably many people have met these "criteria" at some points in their lives. I don't think women really need more categorizing and labeling- it's already done enough in multiple other industries and women have enough collective anxiety already about this. Also, it subjects women to relentlessly question their motives and behavior- "gee, am I a bitter girl because I broke it off with someone who was verbally abusive?" "Am I now an agenda girl because I've waited 3 years for him to propose and really want to get married?" "Am I a yes girl for not asking him to propose and it's been 4 years?" I think women have enough to deal with in their lives, and feel this book is oversimplified if one is looking for real advice. If one is just looking for a lighthearted read to not take too seriously, this book is fine. And no, I'm not suggesting money on therapy instead! There are plenty of other good books out there. Perhaps if Dr. Stork had done a psychiatric/ER residency I may have given it more credibility. Seeing a patient a few times in the ER in crisis isn't the same as working with them long term for years on end. It's easy to apply labels when we aren't aware of the whole story.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Seriously hypocritical, February 1, 2008

By	SunnyCO (Denver, CO) - See all my reviews

At the beginning of the book, Dr. Stork describes "Agenda Girl" - a girl who has an "agenda" of falling in love and getting married. He explains that men sense this and get completely freaked out. But then later on in the book, he talks about how being on The Bachelor made him want so badly to fall in love and get married and have a family, etc...one of his life goals. How exactly is this any different from "Agenda Girl"??? Ugh, what a completely useless waste of time!