Out on Fraternity Row: Personal Accounts of Being Gay in a College Fraternity: A Collection of Essays Solicited by the Lambda 10 Project (Paperback)

~ Lambda 10 Project (Author), Shane L. Windmeyer (Editor), Pamela W. Freeman (Editor) "Being a gay and a member of the Greek community has been a frustrating experience, to say the least..." (more)
Key Phrases: diversity peer education program, gay fraternity men, gay fraternity brothers, Purple House, Delta Sigma Phi, Indiana University (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

This book collects uncompromising first-person accounts of gay life inside a traditional homophobic institution, profiling more than 30 men who tell their emotionally charged stories.

From the Inside Flap

A Chance To Belong...
Anonymous Letter to the Lambda 10 Project Dear Lambda 10 Project:

Being gay and a member of the Greek community has been a frustrating experience to say the least. Because of the intense paranoia people have about gay individuals, I have only admitted my sexual orientation to one other person. There is no doubt whatsoever that I would have been pushed out of my chapter had my homosexuality been revealed, and my fraternity experience meant too much to risk losing it that way. Therefore, if I wanted to stay Greek and active in my fraternity, I had to "be" straight. It wasn't hard, as I've had to do that my whole life. But I feel no one really knows me as I really am.

I am the kind of guy no one would ever think was gay, other than the fact that I haven't seriously dated a woman in a very long time. I'm straight-acting, frequently hit on by lovely women, president of my fraternity chapter as a senior... but as much as I want to be straight, I know I'm not, and I suppose I never will be. It's really difficult for me to realize that the contributions I made to one of our national fraternity's top chapters would be completely discounted had my sexuality been made public. I wasn't president of some lame chapter: we're one of the best they've got! And we're consistently selected as the top fraternity on campus. Yet for me to have admitted being gay would have instantly discredited me from any values I brought to the chapter.

One of our chapter brothers was coming to terms with his homosexuality, but found himself ostracized because of it. We were notified a couple of years later that he had committed suicide, feeling alone, and pushed aside from both family and fris. Yes, he was dealing with issues other than his sexuality that led to such a tragedy, but his inability to find acceptance from those he wanted it from was undeniably a significant factor. Yet I'm not sure things changed much in the minds of our active members and alumni.

I know of at least one other brother from our chapter who is gay, yet held significant leadership roles within the chapter while active. I wonder how many more? If our brothers could see what goes on in the minds of closeted gay members when homophobic slurs fly around the house, would they care? If I was truly a brother when I was seen as straight, why can't I be as a homosexual as well? My deep friship and unquestioning loyalty to my brothers and fraternity were never suspect before: why would my being gay change anything?

I am still closeted, and might possibly be so the rest of my life. I care too much about some relationships between relatives and fris to admit my sexuality right now. My parents are just not ready to handle that reality, and my fraternal friships still mean too much to throw them away. Yet I know that I will never be able to "act" my way to being straight.

I think the Lambda 10 Project will show that I'm not alone in my experience. There are many men in fraternities who are gay, but live a straight life for fear of being shunned. Some would really be surprised to learn of certain chapter members being gay. Indeed, I know of homosexual men in every fraternity on campus. But until the larger Greek community is ready to be a brother to another person regardless of his sexual orientation, these Greek members will continue to live a lie among their chapters, trading their true identity for a chance to belong.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Alyson Books; 1st edition (September 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1555834094
• ISBN-13: 978-1555834098
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.8 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #687,452 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Greek Advisor ponders effects of homophobia, February 18, 1999

By	Mike Esposito [e-mail] (Missoula, MT) - See all my reviews

What is it like to be gay and Greek? Are fraternities safe places for gay brothers? What kind of environment do fraternity houses provide homosexual members?

The first-hand accounts of 30 gay men in the book OUT ON FRATERNITY ROW (Alyson Books), provide answers to those questions. Written with candor and honesty, each tale in this anthology gives a glimpse of the Greeks' most invisible minority. The individuals telling their stories are diverse in background, age, fraternity and geographic location. Each goes through phases of coming out, some quickly, some not at all. However, even with these differences, certain themes are common. Gay men become Greek for the same reasons as heterosexual men--for the brotherhood and companions fraternities provide. But once in the fraternity, many writers tell how they felt isolated and alone, unable to tell their secret. The prevailing homophobic atmosphere--conveyed through gay jokes--kept many men locked in closets.

Some writers hoped fraternities would teach them not to be gay.

Many of the stories told of men's excessive use of alcohol to drown gay feelings. Fraternity men, both gay and straight, would objectify women as 'cover' to prove they weren't gay.

A large portion of the men who came out after college tell of distancing themselves from brothers after graduation. Many felt disconnected from the former brothers, or other brothers distanced themselves from the out member. But not everyone had a negative experience being gay and Greek. Indeed, several stories show that when a brother is up-front about his homosexuality the brotherhood remains strong. In chapters with solid camaraderie and mutual respect, coming out was not a negative experience. One wrote, 'My brothers' unconditional acceptance and support helped me move from being afraid of my brothers to being at peace with their companionship.'

As I read this book I kept thinking, these are my students talking to me. They are telling me what they feel. And as I read, I kept asking, how can I make it better for them?

Thankfully, OUT ON FRATERNITY ROW offers interventions and educational tools to combat homophobia. Anyone who works with fraternities needs to read this book. OUR students are talking to US, telling us what they are going through. Many are isolated, afraid of their own brothers and do dangerous things to fit in. If we leave homophobia unchallenged, what kind of environment are we providing not just for gay students, but for all?

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book for all Greeks, gay or straight!, February 22, 1999

By	Kevin Chu ([e-mail]) (Omaha, Nebraska) - See all my reviews

If you've ever been in a fraternity, you know how hard it is to hide something so important about yourself from your brothers. This book shares many different stories of staying in and coming out of the closet. It touches on the Human aspect of life in a fraternity house. Very good resources and suggestions are provided in the Appendix as well.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars My eyes have been opened!, February 17, 1999

By A Customer

Having not been affiliated with any fraternal organization during my college years, I did not hold fraternities with any high regard. Coming to terms with one's sexuality is difficult enough, but I couldn't possibly begin to comprehend doing so in a Greek environment. Therefore, "Out on Fraternity Row" was an extremely interesting read not only for being allowed to share in the personal struggles of the authors of this anthology, but to see how the brotherhood found in fraternities can have a lasting effect on these individuals lives. From the author who not only had to combat homophobia, but also his struggle with being deaf to the gentleman whose questioning sexuality was during the height of World War II - this book has a sincerity and eloquence about it. The stories range in tone from the wonderfully positive to the disturbingly negative. Whether one agrees with the Greek system and what it stands for or not, I highly recommend this book to anyone with preconceived notions of fratenities and the men within them.